A plan of harmony, or a river in Egypt?

Despite the challenges I face in this, I want my home to be a place of harmony. Where all of the household members feel safe and  valued.

To do this, I need to really get a move on with the following:

Physical Changes
1. lock for big girl's room
2. cleaning up middle boys' room including rug cleaned, and floor scrubbed.
3. providing an environment that is functioning (e.g. they can get clean cups) and calming to look at.

Emotional / People changes
1. spending time with each child alone, maybe making a day for each of them during the week when they have my undivided attention (just doesn't happen otherwise)
2. stimulating their minds with interesting stuff. I just don't do that enough

I started this post with great enthusiasm not long after my time-warp commentary. And then I also started two others - one about recent health . hormonal changes, and a second one about what Bruce Springsteen has in common with Prince Charles. Yes I hope to finish both of them. What is happening now however is that I am spending a lot of my day-times feeling like I'm underwater. Feeling a bit floaty and not-quite-real. It is quite possibly a side effect of the strong levels of denial that I'm feeling regarding decision making when it comes to Springsteen's Chile concert; and that I need to book airfares for my Aunt's birthday. It could be the effort it is taking to ignore that one of my 'friends' had her 40th birthday party quite clearly organised in advance, despite several discussions with me about not making any plans. Perhaps its worry about my father's health, which has taken a negative turn again.

Regardless the recent attack of not paying attention is not doing me any favours. It isn't helping me get moving, or motivated. Perhaps it's a coping mechanism of denial that I'm now 40.  I'm really not sure. I only know I'm almost enjoying my bubble of ignoring so many details, almost.

Recognising the 'almost' I think I'll get busy inviting people in person to the lunch I want to have for my birthday celebrations. I don't want to do a facebook event, so I'll go old-school and use the phone :)

All this blogging just to work that out, I'm doing well! (yes that's sarcasm)