international women's day

I spent international women's day mostly contemplating domesticity - how I spend much of every day!  Interestingly this year I also spent the evening driving to Brisbane to see Jake Clemons with my good friend. While I was there, enjoying Jake's soulful performance I was still contemplating things on the home front. Jake's music leads itself to such introspection as he pauses during one song to remind us that the answers are inside of ourselves.

One of the hardest lessons that I am still struggling with is that you cannot change others, always the only changes you can make are within you.

So on international women's day, what is it that I want to change in myself that will improve things for myself and my daughters?

Typing while waiting for my child at school in a rare moment of "spare" time I am struck by how many things I juggle at the moment - and how likely it is that  many women experience similar levels of "juggling all the things"  at least the soundtrack right now is relaxing "I come from the Land Down Under" that the children are dancing to. 

Of all the roles I have at the moment the one I have resolved to improve on international women's day is that of wife. I've been concentrating on being a daughter and a mother for so many years that being a wife has taken a backseat.

Given that I'm juggling a gazillion things right now with family and household madness, my resolution is simple, despite finding a plethora of well-meaning advice of the subject of relationships.  I resolve to simply remember how much my husband devoted his time to supporting my Dad in the past few years. When my Dad needed an ambulance, he would call, when he needed an urgent doctor's script, he would arrange it. When Dad needed someone to stay with him overnight to make sure his oxygen stayed on while recovering from pneumonia, he would stay with him. He helped my Dad with all aspects of living, and was so deeply involved in his daily care.

So my IWD resolution this year is to remember the kindnesses that my husband gave my Dad.  I'll be remembering it when I disagree with his parenting, when I am picking up his clothes off the floor, when I am cranky that he 'forgot' to do a chore I asked him to help with, or when he's been home all day and not done the washing up.  I'll make my decisions from a place of love, not a place of fear.

I don't feel 'feminist' about this resolution, but I do feel very 'humanist'; that teaching girls to be strong is more about openly communicating about the challenges faced as a woman than demanding things from an individual than they may not be willing or capable of giving.