Its times like these that blogging really helps. My Dad is back in hospital, and this time my level of preparation as far as advocating for him is concerned, is very high. I am prepared for doctors to have no idea of his recent health, or his drug allergies, normal behaviour or ability to eat, walk and communicate. I saw this quote tweeted today, and it is very suitable in this situation:
One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation. - Arthur Ashe
Realising you are in a different place to the people trying to help and being able to gently let them see their information is, to put it bluntly, hopelessly wrong, is a neat trick. So I feel like this time I've been able to help Dad far more than in recent hospital visits. This is good.
What has been a fairly big downer is the overall emotional impact. I realise after this episode of drama-filled days, that I need to insulate myself better emotionally, or develop a better emotional fix-up strategy. Or something!
I haven't had much time to research, but my thoughts are that what I have is an overload in my system from the 'bad adrenaline' of being told "Your father's been rushed to hospital, his vital signs are bad!" among other negative and stressful things in the past 48 hours. On a side note, in 2 years of caring for Dad, I've only ever heard "vital signs" used on a TV show, and as it happens, there was nothing especially alarming about Dad's blood pressure or oxygen saturation levels. They were not perfect, but they did not inspire the kind of panic that being told 'vital signs are bad' causes! This seems to me to be almost malicious on the part of the nurse giving my sister that message, but I digress.
Stressful couple of days, no end of stressfulness in sight as hospital visits tend to be non-stop shift changing advocacy head-against-brick-wall days and nights. Then, just when you relax, they send him back to the nursing home and there is another round of draining advocacy to make sure they give him the extra care temporarily. So generally its a long haul of extra time, physical and emotional energy outlay.
For which, despite having done it before, I am simply NOT prepared. Those stress hormones deplete my happy hormone stash, bring a load of extra toxins as by products into my system and swim around having a negtivity party. This is not on, and I'm out to change it, today, right now would be perfect.
As you do when you're feeling stuck, I phoned a friend. She made the excellent point about dealing with stressful reactions and worries. She said just don't let the thoughts take over, think about other things. My brain flip/flopped and translated that to a message for myself to not try to stop having stressed out thoughts, but to simply go out of my way to have positive happiness reinforcing thoughts.
Unless of course, like me, you are totaly exhausted. In that case, stop writing the therapeutic blog and sleep.
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