The Jedi art of Under-reacting

I realised the other day that one of the biggest contributors to my stress level was my own reaction to potentially stressful events and news. Confronted with any hint of bad news I tend to immediately and unknowingly spend quite a few moments dramatising the problem. By dramatising I mean focussing on it, extrapolating the first information out into the future implications as though all possible negative outcomes were absolutely going to come to pass.  After that I have even developed the habit of laying blame for the problem, wasting time identifying how and why the problem even occurred.

For example when my husband recently came home from a job interview with the news  that he was starting work next week; my immediate reaction was dismay that his first day of work was going to be the very day after my own first day back in 2 years.  I wasted valuable time and energy worrying about how I'd cope looking after our young toddler after a long day at work, and then doing it again all week, as well as doing all the school drop offs and pick ups. What I said to my husband wasn't 'oh great you managed to get my workday off'; but 'why did you arrange to start the day after me?'  I turned his good news into a negative, and triggered off panic-hormones that have serious consequences for my autoimmune disease. 

It might seem simple to you reading that this wasn't the perfect or even a moderately reasonable way to react to his good news, but it is a terrific example of being stuck in the rut of negativity!

How did I change this?   I wanted to be all Jedi like, and not flapping around in a panic.  You know, like Yoda, with all that little Jedi dude Hmm Hmm'ing?  I especially like this quote too:

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. --YODA, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Well, I realised that the way to Jedi under-reacting enlightenment was to IMMEDIATELY look to the solutions and waste not a moment on the problem.  Or, turn away from the fears and focus on the hope.  I've been trying this for a few days and seeing a remarkable difference!!

When it came to the potential exhaustion of working all week between us, as soon as I began to think positively about the solutions I realised that this week is not a full working week, as in Australia we have a public holiday on April 25th, for ANZAC day, which means that despite potential tiredness on Tuesday and Wednesday, I will get a 'holiday' on Thursday, an extra day of not worrying about school runs, lunches and early mornings.  I was so happy to apologise for my negativity and to let my husband know that it was all going to turn out fine this week,with an extra day off for our first week!  The change in how I physically felt when thinking positive was obvious, I was smiling, I felt taller and less hunched, I believed in myself more, I didn't have chest pains from tensing up, and I've had so much more energy since taking this 'solution focus' on board.

One positive thought led to another, and I've made plans to have my friend look after the small person so that I can still do my Tai Chi class on Tuesday; again giving me a bit of a break and a chance to catch up for a cuppa as well!

So my newest lesson is that of focussing on the solution, not the problem. It is amazing how this simple change of focus can make such a huge difference emotionally and physically. I also hope to be re-teaching my children a new way to look at problems, to worry less and enjoy the moment, including all the little hurdles that cross our paths.

Perhaps, if I'm lucky, the new attitude and way of working will rub off on my husband, who tonight gave a brilliant demonstration of 'problem focus' - I was very happy to be able to stay calm and centred and quietly point out the communication misunderstanding when he was ready to think about solutions :)