Taking care of yourself - an epiphany.

I've had an epiphany. Not a very pleasant one, but an incredibly poignant light bulb moment. I'm sitting in my broken down car, on the side of the highway, waiting now for over half an hour for a row truck to collect myself and my disabled car in the pouring rain.

I have been watching European concerts for Bruce Springsteen with increasing agitation and envy  (check this link for why); what if this is his last tour? What if he stops touring and goes home to New Jersey for the next 2 years? These thoughts are what fuels my desperation to see him one more time, while I can.

And then there it was. My 'oh hell' moment, when I realised that had I argued more, or better, 10 years ago to have my frequent flyer points reinstated after they expired when my credit card company stopped automatic affiliation with the frequent flyer points, then I would have enough for my family to travel to Europe. (This happened in the traumatic year my mother got ill and died, so I was not paying attention to such things until it was too late).

What this is teaching me is that to not take care of something might seem to only have 'imaginary' consequences, the reality is that I am now sitting in THAT moment, where my much saved, loved points would have transported me from my suburban existence and taken my whole family on an amazing overseas holiday. My consequence for not sticking up for myself 10 years ago is right now, this very minute, realising that yes, that vague time in the future does come around! It's like when you are young the idea that smoking will ruin your health is a vague notion at best - some imaginary calamitous future disease - it does come to pass!

Here's my tow truck - the consequence of not paying attention to my car - now it's broken :(

Lesson for me? Take care of things, all the things. Just like my health, the whole of my life is my responsibility and there are consequences to doing a half hearted job.  I knew that eventually this new sense of self-actualisation regarding my health must begin to permeate the other facets of my life; however I'd always imagined that the transition would be more instantaneous, in the way that seeing Bruce Springsteen in concert instantly transformed my perspective on my responsibility for my own health well-being occurred overnight.  I had imagined that overnight I would have the exact same goal oriented, no-setback accepted, driven and calm resolve about decluttering my house.  This somewhat obscure little 'light bulb moment' that annoyingly seems to require me to find every distasteful incomplete or neglected task in my life and place it as a matter of priority is not what I imagined as the next logical progression of realising my life is wholly my responsibility to live in a happy way.  It may take some getting used it, despite the way I already see parallels between the concept of 'jobs left undone' and the state of clutter in my house. I see many instances of too lazy to find a home for items, or too lazy to return items to their proper place; of jobs half done rather than completed.

Perhaps the link isn't so obscure after all, and this will have a significant affect on my life's clutter!