Happiness - a post-script to Queen / Music Heals

A few things came to me this week. One of those things was the realisation that in this post entitled "Music Heals - Impressions of Queen + Adam Lambert" I never did get back to what I meant by that title.

To be quite blunt about it, over the course of the past year or so, I've discovered (and to some extent, so has science) that happiness actually heals auto-immune disease. Please don't misunderstand me, I don't think that you just have to think happy thoughts and a disease that has plagued you for your entire life will disappear, that isn't what I mean.  From a purely personal perspective, with the kind of disease I have, truly being in a state of happiness works magic on my levels of pain, swelling and from all accounts, actual disease progression.

And music makes me wildly, incredibly happy, ergo the previous title about Queen + Adam Lambert's concert in Brisbane.  I felt so alive, so invigorated and so much less like a disabled ill person when that concert was over. Music brings so much hope, and to be surrounded by such a crowd filled with the joy of living, that is a magical kind of thing. 

It is interesting as I did as much welling up with tears as I did laughing (probably more) during the concert, as Queen's music brings back incredibly sensitive & poignant memories for me.  Yet they were tears of release, of comfort in the music. I felt this also when overwhelmed with emotion at Bruce Springsteen concerts, the tears were all part of the pleasure of the immersion into the music. 

Today, after running out of money at the supermarket and being cranky with the children because I was worried about getting by until Friday I realised that the exact time I needed a happy attitude was right now.  There is no point waiting till things get better to be happy. Happiness is a choice we make and all other choices follow accordingly.  I had not long decided to be happy, then I made all the children yummy afternoon tea, we played soccer, made damper for supper and I was able to handle absolutely everything this evening calmly! It felt so much better than letting myself get distressed over a lack of spending money when we already have everything we need to get by for the week.  It was easy to feel happiness after listening to incredible live music, but not so simple when at home surrounded by life's dramas.

So this week I've set myself a challenge. Not only to pursue happiness, through exercise, what I eat and drink, gratitude and music; but to blog daily until next Monday night about some aspect of how I am going with it. So far the 'formula' is working wonderfully, I'm ready for a good night's rest, not a care in the world! 

Atlantic City - modernism gone wrong?

Being a Springsteen fan, I'm browsing his 'video of the week' recent additions and after watching the Video for 'Atlantic City' I am struck by how much the meaning of the song resonates with my own beliefs, and also with my own local area.



The video is entirely black and white, adding a sense of lonely isolation. To me it tells the story of life in a changing world.

photo by:  Michael S Fleischmann

Transposing shots of traditional stone and 'modern' architecture is architecturally one of my favourite 'moments' about exploring cities with history. The cold heartlessness of sleek modern design against the artistic, fancy stonework, with traditional works that date back to ancient Greek and Roman designs always sends a shiver down my spine. This video places the contrast beautifully midway through, sending home the coldness of the modern world.

I'm pretty poor with words, more so when I'm limited to a 15 minute window or so to type uninterrupted!  Nonetheless I will have a go at capturing what the video emphasizes so beautifully about the song, reflecting a strong social commentary.

I'm getting things all mixed up because  there is just so much packed into this one song, but Bruce Springsteen has captured the incredible social troubles underpinning all that there is about gambling.  Australia at the moment has significant gambling addiction issues, and we are feeding that with one of the highest rates of poker machines (slot machines) per capita in the world.  Gambling problems, like other addictions, create their own secondary social issues, like petty crime, unemployment, transience due to housing stress to name a few. 

Seaside resort towns reliant on tourism often also exhibit the same patterns of social problems. Springsteen reflects these perfectly with his imagery, providing a poignant background to the lyrics, delivering a real sense of how stark and unforgiving it can be to find yourself "on the wrong side of that line" of winners and losers. 

I am thrilled to see the video track over the words "progress and industry" before settling on Atlantic City. I feel like this brings home the question asked by this song, and which we all should continue to ask "At what price, progress?"

Thank you E Street Band!

This year, almost as soon as Bruce and the E Street band packed their bags and departed our beaches, the world changed for me.

When I saw Bruce Springsteen in 2013, something changed in a massively positive and awesome way for me.  Then, somehow at the end of February this year, having taken an epic 4 week and 9 concert holiday around 5 states of this beautiful land, life just started nosediving.

The theory I like the most is twofold. One, after sooo much Bruce and E Street Band, I felt invincible and instead of taking on only a single thing (my health / weight / fitness), I started tackling ALL THE THINGS. I was like  the blogger who decides to be an adult and CLEAN ALL THE THINGS.  It was taxing. I collapsed under the strain a little bit. This combined with the fact that travelling if not 'with' a huge group of people outside of my normal 'bubble' was a bit of a rude shock. Travelling in such proximity to such a large group for such a long time, certainly threw me for a six on a number of occasions. I was spent before leaving, the tour was to recharge my batteries (which it did), but I found it difficult to take on a whole new group of strangers, I just didn't have the emotional gusto at that time.

And thus, life post tour has been quite odd. Weeks go by when I don't feel any of the empowering inspiration that lingered for so much longer post-2013 concerts. There are days when it all feels like a dream.  

And then there are precious moments like today, when putting my son to bed, when my phone is out of batteries (no Bruce setlist!) and he says to me "But Dad's phone has Dream Baby Dream!" and then "Doesn't Dad have Wrecking Ball?" The cute, it burns.  He fell asleep listening to Cadillac Ranch from a youtube clip of Sydney in the end :)

Which reminded me of just how grateful I am for the E Street Band, so I'm writing this thank you for them.

This was my view of the concert in Adelaide with my beautiful daughter, and delightful friend. We had the most amazing time!

To Eddie, thank you for the down to earth facebook posts, and your sense of humour. Thank you for thanking us in Perth.  Perth was so special for me, I met some wonderful people and you played such a big part in making it all feel lovely.  It was in hindsight quite funny to see you in Sydney, well, to barrel past you with my crazy loud family and not recognise you, not that I could think at all clearly at that point, a common state when running after 3 energetic kids. Next time, please jump in front of me and say "boo!"; I'll keep a lookout for men without saxophones leaping out from behind their beautiful wives. You continue to be an inspiration to me, your posts remind me that hard work is what achieves goals, what keeps us where we want to be in life, my thanks. I am glad that you have visited and enjoyed my country.

To Charlie, thank you for the winks and smiles in Perth, what fun! It makes such a difference to know that we're all having fun together :)

To Soozie, thank you for playing the Violin. You inspire my daughter whenever she sees you onstage.  Thank you for being friendly, for smiling, for not looking crossly in my direction when my poor tired, overheated daughter (same one who cheerfully survived 43 degree heat and insisted on staying up till 12:30 to see Bruce leave in Adelaide, who begged to be allowed to come to Brisbane too!) looked miserable and wilted. Thank you for smiling, not frowning!

Max, thank you for being the incredible backbone of the band. Last year you blew me away and I spent hours watching you mesmerised by the way you work your magic.  And I have a new respect and appreciation for drums, everywhere. You've opened up a whole new way of listening to music for me.

Stevie Van Zandt, thank you for being you. I was only on your side of the stage a few times, but your energy and cheekiness is amazing and so much fun. Thank you most of all for standing with Bruce and singing to my daughter. Thank you for waving to us in Sydney when we were way up behind you.  And thank you for Lillehammer! I have not yet watched it,and look forward to the chance to watch it all!

Roy, you legend. Thank you for every note played, including the ones played with Bruce's head. Thank you so much for the beautiful music.

Everett, thank you for those incredible drum-offs :)

Michelle, Cindy & Curtis oh my thank you for the fun! My girl and I thoroughly enjoyed waving to you during the Sydney show and she loved seeing how you work together at the back of the stage to give us such a wonderful night of music. The waves and smiles made her feel so special, thank you xxxx

Barry, Clark & Curt I love it when you all get to the front of the stage, your sense of fun is infectious, thank you!

Garry, you are such a dark horse hiding quietly behind your bass. Thank you for the moments when your smile lights up the room. 

Nils, like Eddie, you have been and continue to be, such an influence on me as a person. Musically I'm challenged, but your happy outlook, and the incredible vibe from you in 2013 especially made a huge impact on my outlook. Your accessibility to fans as people is incredible. You made me feel welcome on twitter, for which I thank you. I have enjoyed immensely learning from your example on stage and off, and wow, I love watching you play Because the Night. Thank you!

Jake, I have not sufficient words. I came to see the E Street Band for the first time with you already filling those big shoes. I think that not only do you do an amazing job, but you bring a young energy with you. Blessings and thanks!

And Tom, again, for me you are a part of the E Street Band as I know it.  But what a new and exciting influence on amazing.  I love to watch you, the juxaposition of your energy and personal styles with some of not-quite-so-Tom songs! Your face is a picture!  Thank you for standing up for those who need a voice! Thank you for the hours of fun in Perth particularly, your smile is infectious. Thank for for your contribution to The Ghost of Tom Joad, which now makes me cry. 

Bruce Springsteen, thank you for singing to my daughter, so very much. It means so much to her and made my night to see her shine with happiness both in Adelaide and Sydney. Thank you for meeting her, and for the hindsight-object-lesson-in-parenting that sometimes Mums just need to shut up and listen!  That one is going to be a challenge for me.  Thank you for the challenges! Since seeing you in concert for the first time in 2013, my life has changed. You are this person who opened the door into your soul in a concert and who in doing so exposed my own inner self. The magic has rubbed off a little differently this year, but I'm sure it is still there, no excuses to be so sick, no excuses not to exercise, no excuses for not being the best of me in this life. All that matters in the end are our family, our health and the little piece of us we pass along to others through our actions. Have a good time in this life right now, because it is the only one we have! Thank for, and the whole E Street Band for that lesson.

Most of all thank you for the chance to share this experience with my daughter, we have the happiest memories together!  Be warned, next tour my son insists he is coming along too!

Why I wish I hadn't done Bruce in Brisbane

I've reached a certain point now, where at this very moment, I simply wish I had not attended the Brisbane concert at all. Would I be jealous of those who had? Probably yes, especially as almost all the people I know raved about it. However the concert they experienced, was not the same one I attended. For me, the Brisbane concert was the one that quite simply, went wrong. It summed up all that was crappy and shit on the tour of Australia, and did nothing at all to uplift me as every other Springsteen concert has done. 

My reasons why are:

1. Poor queue preparation / outcomes / moods
I really don't think I have the mindset required to enjoy queuing. I hate waiting for one thing. I also hate wasting time, and tension. Queues are filled with all of that and more.  But the Brisbane queue was especially crap, as one of my friends arrived first, then told other people, then they said 'just go home till tomorrow' and then the 2nd group of people turned up, apparently took over number 1&2 spot from 2 other people and then eventually because I was parked in my car with nothing else to do for the afternoon I ended up getting number 9 & 10 spot with my daughter. This soon turned into 7 & 8 when two people dropped out. This should have made us happy, but because of the tension (I assume from the above confusion between everyone with a higher number than us) it just made me uncomfortable. I was alone with my girl with a very good number but with no immediate prospect of being near any friendly faces who would assist me in ensuring my girl's safety in the pit.  I didn't really want to have such low numbers with her, without also having along another adult beside us who was as committed to safety as I was.  This tension stayed with me for the 3 days of queuing. 

2. My beautiful daughter. 
Who convinced me to do just one more show.  I do not regret taking her, not a bit, but there were many moments when I questioned my decisions & hers.  We had a pact that because she was going to be at the front, no sooking or getting tired (she had managed 2 concerts already in fine form so I didn't foresee how this could happen!) What I didn't think ahead to was what I would do if she couldn't keep her side of the bargain (nobody is perfect!) I should have had a plan B!!!! So what went wrong?  Quite a bit. Because we now had tour shirts post-Sydney, and the ladies in the Brisvegas Bruce house were dressing up, she wanted to join into that fun. Great, except that her previous concert attire was far more suited to long hours standing in a sweat box! She went from very cool loose summer clothes to leggings and a hot Born in the USA T-Shirt in the hope of getting onstage for Sunny Day, the song Bruce always sings with a child from the audience. We also ended up in a group of people who did not approve of her presence in the audience, and were not afraid to say so. We were blessed by one lovely lady who stood her ground behind my daughter and protected her from the worst shoving crowd I've experienced at Springsteen (another thing that went wrong with having brought her along to this particular concert) But there's more. The heat. It was worse than Adelaide, which was bad enough that a woman fainted with heatstroke beside us. So much hotter. And my 9 year old was wearing her hot leggings and t-shirt. So she really wasn't having fun. And it showed to everyone that she was melting, although I was slow to catch on, and only realised towards the end of the encores that she really was feeling the heat, and not just hating the music.  Which is the final disaster in her experience (well almost). So the Wild, The Innocent and the E Street Shuffle did not appeal to her. She wanted the Rock n Roll Bruce show. Hunter Valley 1 would have been right up her alleyway. Brisbane was not. How much of this was affected by the loud shouting directly at her that "she shouldn't even be here anyway" during the opening song I don't know.

I feel better for having vented. There are other, small things that upset me about Brisbane. Some not so small. Despite all this negative writing, I am from this point on going to always focus on the positives I can take out of the experience of the show. These were:

1. Seeing my friend's eyes light up at hearing the sound check played, and not long later at hearing her favourite song "Does this Bus Stop at 82nd Street?"

2. Seeing a lovely young woman in happy tears on her Birthday after meeting Bruce and speaking with him after the concert. 

3. Seeing Gary Tallent with a Tuba  (that's a poor picture of it there! But so funny :)




















4. Remembering all the good times I'd had through the whole tour, and the people who made the experience so special. 

And now I'm done. I can look back on this and laugh, as Garfield has said in cartoons past about terrible mishaps.  

This entire post was inspired by reading 7 Ways to Let go of Insults from an A*Hole 

What is keeping me healthy?

One of the main reasons I came on this month-long tour of Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band around my beautiful country was for the health benefits. I figured that $250 for a 3 hour session of happiness and dancing was a small price to pay, and that last year's benefits in reducing my arthritis would be easily repeated. At the very least I wanted to see if this was so.

I also remembered from previous times away from Tai Chi that I still need to do Tai Chi regularly to maintain a low blood pressure.  So my flights were booked around times I could get to Tai Chi while away. Which as it turns out wasn't enough, as I didn't account for the tiredness, children, heat and time zone differences.

Here are my scribbles about the health changes this trip:

A short update on the health benefits of Bruce and the E Street Band.  I’ve discovered that Bruce’s concerts do amazing things for arthritis.  The swelling of my knuckles has gone down by about 50% since the tour began a week or so ago in Perth.  And the pain I am feeling is from the blisters on my feet, not the tendonitis in my Achilles.  However the busy schedule means that I’ve missed many of my planned Tai Chi sessions, and I’ve noticed that my blood pressure has skyrocketed on this trip.  So the upshot is that Tai Chi still kicks the musical arse for blood pressure reduction, however the energy and excitement of concerts appears to have an incredible affect on my auto-immune disease! The theory that happiness causes healing that I came up with last year is one that will forever stick with me as it is now very obvious to me that a certain level of happiness sends out the right hormones and other chemicals to create a balance in my body that has apparently been sadly lacking, leading to disease.  It is crazy stuff that doctors either don’t know or won’t tell you.  But now I do know and it is up to me to somehow continue this high energy level of happiness once the band leave!

This was during the trip, or just before it. The way my knuckles usually look.

Wow! I am surprised that the swelling in the photos looks the same or similar, as what I see when I am typing is about half as much swelling as usual. And no pain. My hand simply doesn't hurt, it has ceased to be painful and is feeling fine. The swollen part doesn't even hurt. Those happy endorphins must be special, that is my only explanation! I haven't seen my knuckles on that hand for ages, and to be able to see the knuckle bones again is wonderful, all without taking horrible chemotherapy drugs, which is what rheumatologists think I should be taking!

Life Changing Music

I don’t know how others experience Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, but for me it is like the biggest party possible, strangely combined with freakishly transcendental moments that spring from unlikely corners and alter the course of my life.

Thus far I've been to 5 concerts and experienced 3 instances of having a ‘moment’ of sudden life-changing realisation mid-song.  Not to mention the energised motivation to exercise!

The first time was my first concert, during We Are Alive.  I’ve already blogged about the incredible removal of terror of mortality from my life, thanks to Bruce’s stark lyrics.

In Melbourne 2013 night 2, something else shifted for me, when I realised I could let go of sadness from my past and live wholly in the now. I didn't even realise I was holding on to past hurts!

Last night was another moment. During Shackled and Drawn I finally realised that the place I want to work is in aged care. I have a passion not just for the dignity and care of my own father, but for the dignity of all older people, especially those who cannot advocate for themselves.  I have a whole field to go explore when I get home.  The perfect starting point as the service I found to look after Dad while I am away. 

The music and the performance by Bruce and the band go beyond what I can describe. It just is.  And I get to do it all again tonight, although sadly from the distance of a seat.  Still count myself extremely fortunate.

A Tale of Two Hats - my first GA queue so far...

It has been a beautiful day in Perth, glorious sunshine, a touch on the warm side at 37 degrees.  My head is spinning from the 'double life' I've been leading for the past two days. That of wife and mother on a family holiday, uncomfortably juxtaposed with that of a Springsteen fan whose dreams of getting a close to the stage pit number have come true.  Firstly, I am extremely shocked at my apparent success at achieving number 36 in line, despite the good planning and careful consideration that went into my decision making.  I traveled across the country, with a plan in mind to make an effort for this one, it was clearly a good plan, and yet I remain stunned and somewhat stupified at what is about to happen tomorrow!

But to continue with the story thus far....

Our family holiday began with a late afternoon drive to Brisbane airport, followed by what I suppose ought to be called an uneventful and successful flight, although what stands out in my mind is the unprecendented level of distraction, vague and disorganisation on my part.  I left all the nappies in the checked baggage!!! For a 5 hour flight at night this is absolute insanity.  Luckily there were two toddlers on the plane and the couple beside me who clearly thought we were stark raving mad for the capacity to forget something as simple as the nappies were nice enough not to say so, and generously handed over one of their ample supply.  So we survived the flight pretty well after that, I got to watch half a movie (The Butler), after starting 3 others without much success, while sitting perched on the edge of my seat while my very tall toddler stretched her little toes out behind my arse.


After landing things got weird.  My hubby and I have travelled a reasonable amount together with children. We have some routines. Arriving in Perth changed it all, right from the beginning. We had a non-Bruce fan collecting hubby and children - I deposited them in the car and told them I'd see them soon, and myself was collected by Karen, a long time Bruce fan and local.  I was suddenly ripped from the quite demanding familiarity of family travel into 'lone woman concert-going queue forming' mode.  I think I spent the whole trip from the airport to the city in a daze of disorientated unfamiliarity at the sudden right turn my holiday took, before I'd even arrived at my hotel!  Which is my reason for not getting a happy snap of the midnight moment (or 2 am for those of us still working on Qld time) when I received the nikko number on my hand of 36.  This number apparently will get you up against the stage, provided you don't want to be in the middle. Apparently that is where the first 15 -25 people fit.  This information is important I'm sure.  Stunned I let the explanation wash over me, this was the beginning of the slow creeping of the hugeness of this number business.

And then I spent until 4 am Brisbane time, or later resettling tired but excited children, one by one into bed again before collapsing in a heap myself. To be woken only 3 or 4 hours later by one excited boy, ready to start his Western Australian adventure!

I did pretty well all day yesterday considering my sleep of less than 4 hours. A lot of quiet conversations with my children about holiday ettiquette (not hollering every little thing like we do at home for example). We found the shops to stock up on food. I scooted off to roll call on the way back, momentarily immersing in the world of Springsteen before a visit from a childhood friend, then suddenly another roll call!  A long gap between 1pm and 8pm meant that we were able to spend some family time, but it went quickly between napping (baby and hubby, not me) and dinner.  Suddenly there were 3 awake tired children (after a late afternoon play in the water fountain!) and I was again out the door to this 'Bruce thing'. That is how it was feeling at that point.

While the other fans wandered away in groups to have drinks and late dinners, I rushed back to take in hand the sleep situation for little folk.  Grab a bite to eat and then finally blessed sleep.

Until 6am again.  Today I was better prepared and the big kids went with hubby to the water fountain first thing, as well as a bit of other exploring in the city.  Then I was trying to join them with the toddler, but suddenly it was roll call time, and my baby and I just rode a bus there and back again in the end - we got close to meeting up with the family, but had to turn around to come back to the Arena.

By which point I didn't care much about where I stood in the pit, as long as I got to do something that gave me an indication I was on the opposite side of the continent. I was impatient to 'holiday'.

A change to roll call times interfered with this, momentarily, but I rose to the challenge and between hubby and I we made new family plans between roll calls for the afternoon. We even got some schoolwork done!

Excited I left first for 2pm roll call, and even began to think about this 'front row' position thing a little bit. Enough to be scared of it!  Or thoroughly alarmed at the proximity to Bruce and the band.  And the length of time without a toilet break.  Also there was a rumour about no water bottles.  Which might sound like a good thing, given my other concern, but having a water bottle when a concert gets into its second hour without pause is about when taking small sips from a water bottle is necessary.  I do not see a little cup of water lasting 2 hours plus in a pit full of excited fans.  I see us all having dry throats and wet feet.  Ha! that's my big prediction for tomorrow, right there.

Things seemed timed to perfection when hubby called me to tell me he was on the bus about to go past the arena!  I quickly hopped on and our little family were on an adventure to the Museum.

We stopped to take a look at the recreated wetland area and frog habitat, and to play music in the amazing playground outside the museum entry.  These were wonderful, impromptu family moments.
Inside the museum was one of those times of enduring the torture of having three children.  It is glorious and insane.  One was desperately unhappy with her inability to weave a spider's web (sounds funny when you read it, but you'll have to trust me it was not); another declared about 3 rooms of Western Australian History, Rocks and Minerals and bird life 'boring'; and then there was the showdown over the interactive educational game.  We all survived, and amazingly even saw things.  Just not very many!  The highlights were watching the frogs be fed crickets, seeing a Mummified Tasmanian Tiger from the mainland over 4,000 years old and coming face to face with a taxidermied American Bison!  Many other things may have been highlights, given the opportunity to see them!  Given the chaos, I'm quite chuffed that we managed to salvage what we did!

A wardrobe emergency saw me return to the apartment with hot exhausted children while hubby shopped, followed by him BBQing our dinner while I cooked veggies.  The moment he was done cooking outside though, it was roll call again!  I rushed out before dinner and made it to the line.  Then rushed back to get children tired out and to bed.

This was one of my favourite parts of the day.  As they'd already eaten while I was gone, as soon as I cooled down a few degrees, we went out to explore. It was 7:15 and the free CAT buses had stopped, so we took a walk to the park across the street.

Expanses of green grass gave us an enjoyable shoes off run, the children found a challenging playground, I really enjoyed helping them conquer new equipment that stretched their physical limits and helped them overcome fears and uncertainties.  The most generous gift from hubby today was 15 minutes mostly uninterrupted in this park so that I could do a set of Tai Chi. Usually on a Tuesday I do 2 two hour classes, so one set while away was a luxury. The weather was just gorgeous and the grass soft and ground flat.  I felt the inner peace coming back.

We are geocachers from a long way back, so given a city park of this size we decided to look and see if we could find our first Western Australian cache while we were there.  It was hilarious watching our eldest two children with the very bouncy inaccurate GPS walking in circles and cutting jagged corners trying to find this cache.  Even more amusing was the loud and bumbling way all 5 of us stumbled across 3 innocent looking folk quite close. None cachers are called Muggles and we'd just run into some while two children are yelling about the cache and where it was!  Lucky for us, they were not muggles and were kind enough to give the kids a few big hints about how to find it!!

We all had a terrific, relaxing time just hanging out together on that walk and it really set the tone for a relatively easy routine to get to bed, although I was still cutting it very fine running out the door at 9:40 with a phone charged to only 20%.

Tonight was my first non-queuing Bruce socialising with a quick drink across the road before the role call (I walked fast and the drink was imaginary!)  Then another tiny bite of socialising afterwards and back to here I came, approaching the unit door to the sound of high pitched wailing from the littlest wanting her Mummy.

And there is still tomorrow to get through!!!

So far so good

It has been a long, successful time between blogging. This time of year tends to descend into chaotic disaster and misery, so for me to sit here, on my child's birthday, breathing a sigh of relief at having gotten through one party and two actual birthdays without too many tears and frustration (on my part) is a significant achievement.

I credit this amazing change to the blogging experience, bolstered by the Springsteen & ESB experience and in part the culmination of the efforts I've been making for a few years now to reorganise my life to reduce the stress, chaos and improve calm and happiness.

I've come out of this with a few realisations and tips:

1. When your life is hectic take a look at local venues that do children's parties. With a bit of negotiating it is surprisingly possible to have a no-fuss party that caters to your own needs and for which you do zero preparation (well I made a cake), yet spend no more than you would for a party at home!
2. Don't take people's comments on board. If they offer to help, believe it after you are wishing them a thankful goodbye, anything before that is not guaranteed to happen and can lead to disappointment. Along this same vein, if someone is critical, take it as a reflection of them, not you. The negative energy isn't yours.
3. Slow down. The busier life is, the more you need to slow down and take things one at a time. This has really worked for me in the last few weeks, and I hope it continues to keep me functioning until this busy time of year is finished. I don't think about what isn't in my immediate future, I don't worry about anything but what I'm doing next. The rest will eventually take care of itself or become the 'next thing' in its turn.

I've thoroughly enjoyed my part in the children's birthday's this year and am grateful for the learning experiences that have helped me to put it all into perspective. Making this cake was the relaxing, enjoyable event that it used to be years ago. I'm grateful for learning the tips above so that all I had to concentrate on for the party was the simplicity of this fun cake.
 

The gloomy return of the mid-life panic!

I finally dug myself out of the 'poor me' attitude this evening long enough to go for a 20 minute walk before blogging. On my walk I realised that the mid-life-impending-doom-fear-of-death-and-mortality crisis had snuck it's way back inside my brain.

I was walking in fear. In fear of a heart attack (yes I have risk factors), in fear of leaving my children behind, in fear of not having left them with a true legacy of 'me'.  I find it hard to even type those words, so strong is the gripping emotion.  This was the kind of emotional turmoil that had taken hold of me (at times) prior to the great Bruce Springsteen catharsis in March. Listening to Bruce evaporated my fears, galvanised my resolve and until the past few weeks, I have not looked back, particularly in terms of physical fitness and responsibility for my physical well-being.

I've struggled emotionally and with time since my Dad went back into the nursing home. The idea that he would pass at any moment was difficult to accept, as was the about-face of realising that the doom and gloom predictions were again a little overenthusiastic.  At the moment Dad is quite stable, if chronically unwell.

I think that the single most important factor to all the 'energy organising' that I do is to ensure that I have 1. nurtured my physical self so that I am a fully functioning capable human and 2. developed or maintained or discovered? a sense of 'me' so that I know whatever the future holds, that my children know 'me', they are not seeing only a shadow of the whole person.

I am fairly sure at the moment I'm very shadow like. I think this is what has been bugging me for a while. Part of the solution I know from previous experience is to focus in on the single important thing, and allow all other things to fall as they will after that.  It seems to be effective. It is certainly a message I would like my children to remember -that their Mum instilled in them a sense of exercise for well-being, as well as living by that example.

I need to be considerably more active to be a poster child for health and exercise, but today I am satisfied that I at least had a go. I walked from the mechanics to playgroup, to the bus stop and back this afternoon (about 1.6 kms round trip) and then for another 20 minutes walk tonight. I took every opportunity this day offered to be more active.

On the subject of the authentic self that I feel I am not honouring, particularly in relation to my children, I found this article interesting.  It never occurred to me to make a list of the things I like about me, and at the moment, I think our family could benefit from one of those sticky wall projects where each person's name is given a describing word around it.  This isn't what the article is about, it is quite different, but for someone who is extrinsically motivated it always pays to keep an eye on the kind things that others who love me are saying about me!

Right now my mind is a bit of a puddle, I had so many more coherent thoughts but the fingers will not keep up, and the mind is interrupted with housework.

its all about the food ...

According to the personal trainers I've encountered, that's the trick. Food. The exercise is great, but it is really all about the food.

So tonight I was restrained and did not eat chocolate cake. I feel better for having avoided it.   Which reminds me I need to make Tai Chi a Christmas cake.

But back to this food thing. Today I was particularly inspired, by one of Bruce Springsteen's fellow band members, Ed Manion, who shared a picture of his morning jog on Facebook.  We all need to constantly keep active, it reminded me.

So I did 2 sets of Tai Chi in the 30 degree heat!

And this afternoon on my walk, I discussed the food issue with my friend in exercise and Bruce.  We came to the conclusion that although it is primarily about food, there is nothing like sweating, straining and being physically demanding of your body to get a very clear understanding of how much that effort is wasted by snacking.   My sources informed me this morning that one cupcake requires 30 minutes walking to burn off.  So any time I eat a cupcake, that is that days walk wasted.

If I hadn't walked, for some reason, I'd be more likely to forget how much hard work I put into exercise when I'm doing it, and therefore more likely to eat the dodgy chocolately things.

Exercise also helps in other ways. It really does make me more cheerful. And there is nothing more energising and calorie burning than happiness. Happiness seems to lead to bouncing with energy.

I'm finding it hard to be grateful these days, or to be particularly happy, so here goes the 3 things I'm grateful for today -

1. that my daughter had the funky ex-rock n roll band member as her bus driver this afternoon. It made her happy which made me happy. 

2. That the power came back on tonight so that we could wash school uniforms :)

3. grateful that my Dad looked good this morning and was able to talk on the phone with me this afternoon.

and finally I'm grateful to be getting a somewhat early night - last night was a shocker with 2 children awake at different times of the night!

Purposeful Anger

 

 

I just had pause to realise again for the second time in as many weeks that there is a great potential for me to harness anger into something good. And then I remembered the lyrics "hold tight to your anger, and don't fall to your fear" and I realise that anger, when galvanising you into action is a valid purposeful thing. (action that is, not 'reaction'). I love Bruce. Here is the whole song. With a slight twist because its for Sandy relief. 

 

 

 

 

 

Chore Wars - Inspired idea!

I feel that I'm a bit slow to things this year. First I discover that the 'pretty good' Bruce Springsteen is actually an amazing inspirational artist who has a remarkably loyal and incredible group of fans. And now I have encountered 'Chore Wars' - the absolute must-have for house work and household management for the gamer family!

My family's motivations are transformed! I have my elder child battling it out with me for the most XP (experience points for the unfortunate non-gamer readers) and my boy competing fiercely with Daddy for the most male XP in the household. Pretty soon the two big ones will have to watch out as the toddler gets her own share of XP thanks to her helpful nature!

You can start out with the pre-generated jobs like washing up, putting on laundry, cooking dinner, but it is very simple to add your own household full of duties and to give them funky D&D style names such as "Storing Armour for the Morrow" which is Chore Wars speak for "putting away your clean clothes".

I am loving it!  The downside is as the local Dungeon Master (DM) for my party, I am the one who is creating all the jobs, so I'm falling behind on my own personal XP, spending a lot of time micro-managing every little job in the household.

I'm hoping this is a transformative experience for all of us, so far the children have been very enthusiastic and time will tell if it shames hubby into lifting his game!

Personally I am looking forward to exploring Quests - they sound promising.

At the moment the 14 days of household deep cleaning has been derailed by Chore Wars, but I'm ok with that. I think when I have Chore Wars functioning, I will re-start the 14 day deep cleaning as a 14 week project as it was meant to be.

If you like online games, or roleplaying, go check it out, Chore Wars. Excellent stuff.

Cleaning party to Springsteen!

There were fabulous parts to my day.   Getting to see the excellent quality live-streamed Rock in Rio concert was one of them.  Doing that while sorting out a massive pile of papers at least got me through the cleaning up in one piece.

Here's what I'm up to - its the Cleaning Grand Plan from Organized Home. I am loving trying something new and sticking with a new method of getting things done - breaking out of my previous habit of insanely repeating the same things over and over and hoping for a miraculous change.  

Today I moved along all the clean laundry from the laundry room into bedrooms and the linen closet, freeing up room to move shelving from in the laundry to it's proper destination - the kitchen.  However the spot for the shelving in the kitchen was a little cluttered with what I like to call "boxes of rubbish" but apparently are made up of equal parts bills and children's artworks with a selection of random craft, mementos and photographs!

This is the pile of papers for my father that I need to copy! Oh how I long for a lackey to do THAT for me!

 I did take some lovely photos of elder child's artwork. I like how insanely bright this is! She doesn't want to throw it all away, but my next project is to label it as photographed and if it drifts out of her bedroom then in the bin it goes. I also hope to print out a collage to frame on the wall, but thats a project for another day.

What I learnt today was that it is a very bad thing to let bills get out of control and pile up, because in this household, that means they eventually end up in a random box with other non-bill things and that's never going to end well.  I also learnt that getting control of paperwork is going to always be an ongoing thing for me, its not at all my strong suit. In fact papers would easily be where I lose the war with 'stuff' - I am reconsidering the sanity of having all bills arrive by email. For me personally that would require a separate 'bills' email account so they didn't get lost in my general and junk mail.  That's certainly something to get onto, as then the 'paper' could pile up inside my computer where only I see it!

This afternoon's exercise was a walk up the hill from the children's playground to my Dad's nursing home, about 20 minutes with views like this along the way.

Sunset over the river. Glorious time for walking in a beautiful place.

 I have a thing for clover on the side of the road. Especially around the bottom of very old telegraph poles :)

Tomorrow is a work day, also a day for sorting out quite a bit for my Dad. Hubby should be working on the shelving while I'm gone, so kitchen progress will be made. Tuesday all going well I will move on to the next cleaning adventure on the Grand Plan.

Two weeks of grand cleaning!

Over the past few days I decided to try a new way to attack the organisation and restoration of order in my home.  I realised that I was embodying the definition of insanity - to repeat the same activity over and over and expect different results!

What I intend to do instead is to be guided by what seems like a reasonable 'guide' to Spring cleaning and follow that guide through for the 2 weeks of the school holidays.  I've modified it to fit in with my time frame, but I'm also committed to repeating the whole process over the following 14 weeks to achieve a decent level of household loveliness.  Here is the guide I'm following.

That's the plan and this is where you'll see my updates. At the moment I'm on day 3 of the clean. Today I will finish the laundry and kitchen - this involves taking some shelving that was always meant to go into the kitchen and finally put it up, which will leave me more room in the laundry.

My first day was a successful cleanup of the entry - I've done that about 6 months ago and this time an armchair had drifted into the room next to the door, where it collected clutter. The armchair is now gone and so is the clutter.

My arthritis is playing up so behind the business of tidying will also be the restoration of my salad based diet, frequent walks and removing bread and milk from my diet again in the hope to restore some functionality to my poor arthritic hand!

My hubby and I are still almost full time caring for my father, as the nursing home staff do not supply him with enough fluids during each day and it is critical he gets what he needs.

These next few weeks will be challenging, as the last few have been, but the rewards will be worthwhile.

For those who are Springsteen fans, here is the youtube link to tonight's Rock in Rio concert!

I can't wait!

Thank you Bruce Funds!

I'm sharing my private thank to you the lovely Donna and team at Bruce Funds. What an amazing gift it has been to be part of the vision of giving as many people as possible the opportunity to see the Wrecking Ball Tour!

Thank you for the inspiration to share the incredible phenomenon that is Bruce Springsteen and the ESB with others I have thoroughly enjoyed both my 1/2 price ticket sale (privately) and the ticket I donated through Bruce Funds being used by people who then got to have an amazing incredible fantastic time. The journey has been so fulfilling and I can only imagine the enjoyment you get from operating Bruce funds.

Lets make the Australian concerts a Bruce Funds success - please visit their webpage and donate or nominate for the February tour!

My Daily Gratitude - the joy of generosity.

Blog? What blog?

I've been haphazard in my blogging for the past fortnight because my Dad has been critically ill in hospital. :(

Tonight he is home at his aged care home, looking very frail, but sort of smug to be in his own bed.

I have so much to say, but tonight I want to concentrate on the uplifting happiness that I am gaining from something I thought would make me sad.

Weeks ago, when the Bruce Springsteen concert in Santiago, Chile, was announced, I jumped onto the website and bought 2 Cancha Frontal (GA or Pit) tickets to this concert. I had hopes of being able to take my elder daughter on a trip with me to visit some ex-pat rellies and see Bruce.  Logistically though it just didn't work out, and when I advertised my tickets, I found a very very cheerful, infectiously delighted Peruvian ticket purchaser who was very happy to be able to get a ticket for a lower price.

I'm running out of time to tell this story properly, but what I very much want to share is how fulfilled I feel being able to assist someone see Bruce in a more affordable way, particularly with his kind sharing of his favourite songs, his travel arrangements and plans for the trip to Santiago and his hopes to be up close to El Jefe! (or Bruce, to us).

It brings me so much excitement to hear via Facebook that Leylys is in fact 12th in line to see the concert, sharing the 'most keen fans' status with several other Peruvians (they seem very loyal fans!), some Brazilians and a couple from Italy on their 154th show, or so I'm told by the Facebook status!

This post is for Leylys, may he have a wonderful time at the concert, may Downbound Train be played for you, and I hope that you have an unforgettable moment or several :)

Gracias Leylys for taking me on the journey with you. I am so looking forward to the grand finale of the adventure you've included me in. Having your updates has really helped me feel good while Dad's been sick and always given me a little something to look forward to hearing about!

It has been my absolute pleasure to get to know you, and I am so looking forward to the amazing photographs from your front row position!

There's magic in the night, your faith will be rewarded :)

I finished a 5km race!

There's something I can cross off my bucket list! I've just finished the 5km race in the Sunshine Coast Marathon!  I'm coming back to edit this, just realising that what I am totally neglecting to mention here is that 12 months ago there is no way I could walk 5km at all, due to the arthritic pain from psoriatic arthritis.  I have Bruce Springsteen's inspiration and my own determination to thank for this remarkable recovery. 

I still have arthritis, but like any auto-immune disease, it is affected quite incredibly, not only by stress (in a bad way) but also by happiness and joy.  The lighter, more joyful and happy I feel, the less impact the disease has on my life. I am still prone to injury, particularly muscle and tendon strain, and swelling, however my pain levels are significantly reduced since I started exercising, and especially since I started enjoying life to the fullest, courtesy of Bruce Springsteen's musical inspiration.  I hope that in the months leading up to his arrival in February, and in the months after he leaves Australia again, that I get my fill of Springsteen-motivation and am able to carry on with even more mobility and less pain for at least a year!  After his concerts this past March, the extreme happiness bubble wore off within 3 months. Its sort of back now, and I intend to keep building on the happiness so that my Bruce happiness bubble keeps me going for a considerable time!

My goals today were to 1. finish and 2. finish in under one hour.  I managed both, quite easily!  My time was 50 minutes and 14 seconds!  Which I believe is 6km / hour, if my maths brain is still working!

I can safely say that I think I'm hooked. Its fun to be in a great big group of people running and walking. Setting a pace of 6 km / hour over 5 kms is quite remarkable for me, and it was all about having people in front of me that I could focus on catching up to and keeping up with.

 

As usual thing didn't go as much to plan as I would like. My poor phone decided to have a conniption so Runkeeper didn't work and I had no idea of my pace until 3km into the race, when the helpful water station people knew we were at the 3km mark.  Then it was a bit of a race to finish under 1 hour.

I enjoyed my almost hour of Bruce. The playlist for my walk was

All or Nothing at All
All that Heaven Will Allow
Atlantic City
The Rising
We Take Care of Our Own
Easy Money
Shackled and Drawn
Reason to Believe
Glory Days
Dancing in the Dark
Shackled and Drawn again :)

By this time next year I hope to be up to some variation on the 5km I just did. Perhaps some jogging along with the walking. It really depends as jogging does have an impact on my spine, and I need to protect that part of me!

Either way, I'm sure next year I can do a better place, and get closer to the top half of the field.

I'll absolutely be doing this one again because the location and weather couldn't be more perfect!

 

Tomorrow I might be a little sore. At the moment I have a few blisters, hopefully they will heal up before work tomorrow!

Two Bruce days later...

Here I sit in the post-Bruce pre-sale apocalypse.  It wasn't at all like this:

It was more like this, only on the internet, with the selling site being one side and all the ticket-seekers on the other.

I have survived with some of the tickets I was after. But it did rather interfere with exercise today, so it was a short 15 minute walk for me. The cold weather didn't do me any favours as the car fumes on the main road nearly choked me so I hurried home for a drink of water.

Yesterday however turned out rather well. After hiding at a friend's house, I arrived home with a sleepy baby so I put her in the stroller and took a half hour walk with her snoozing the whole way. Pushing the pram around gave me an extra workout, as did having a different Tai Chi instructor last night who made sure that we really got the muscles pumping.

Hopefully all that makes up for today's small effort. My back hurts after the injury the other week, I am hoping when the cold weather goes away so will  the backache!

Time for bed now, more chaos and mayhem tomorrow. 

Bruce is coming baaack! *happy dance*

My inner spirit is in a happy happy place, despite considerable turbulence in my life. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band are coming back to Australia in February! 

Excitement! Anticipation! Planning! 

Exercise!

Yes, exercise!  One of my quiet, secret dreams that I did not even commit to paper (hence making it a dream not a goal) since seeing Bruce and the band last March, was to be in the front row of the pit, with a sign that said "Hey Bruce, you inspired me to lose 20kgs!" 

Now that he's returning in 6 months, and that I've written it down for all the world to see, its a goal, not a dream.  I'd be happy to waste my 'sign request' on letting him know what a difference he's made in my life.

And its not too hard as goals go, as I've already lost 10kgs, so its really only 10 more to go! 9 if you are an optimist as most days I'm now 89 kgs.

But hey, 79 kgs is even better than 80 as a goal. I like it more, because it starts with 7 not 8!

My first steps are to ignore the sugar cravings I'm having, they seem to be a force of nature at the moment, but to counter them with at least my 2 litres of water a day and to do 30 minutes exercise every single day for the next month.  In the past few weeks I was increasing my Tai Chi, but at the expense of my walking, so I hovered at the same weight all month.

I'm also wanting to write a little blog entry every day.  For me right now, the number one way that I can organise my energy is to again focus on exercise and health, while the excitement is with me. Yes I also want to continue to finalise all the mountains of renovations (and clean washing) but at the moment I want to revisit the basics of exercise exercise exercise :)

Having said that, I have a short update on the general energy front. I was diagnosed with Iron Deficiency Anemia - and the other day when I didn't take my Iron supplement on time, oh boy. Flat me. But I dragged myself out of that and just got about my day 'pretending' to be managing, and pretty soon not only had I cleaned and swept the back verandah but I had Miss 2 out there painting pictures! 

Tonight we had campfire toast, marshmallows and garlic bread for dinner! Happy Mummy and happy children.

The boy and I also caught a TV interview with Bruce Springsteen and he has again asked to go to a concert! I am one proud and excited Mummy!

How long does it take to lose oneself? It's just a jump to the left?

That's me right now. Stuck in a time warp. Apparently it takes one week post-party to have regressed to a state of household chaos that very much resembles pre-party house chaos. With the addition of post-party mind-bending, Springsteen tour ending, hormonal panics. And a husband with a very very sore gum.

And how do I feel overall?  I feel rather remarkable.  I've only had to remove 2 items from the kitchen windowsill in a week, that is pretty good going for my compulsive surface covering hubby.  There are no extra do-dabs or non-belonging items on top of the bookcase.  The pantry is a little chaotic, but I'm onto that.  The laundry is getting a bit dodgy, but again, I'm keeping it in check. The kitchen table and kitchen bench are suffering post-party agonies (I can't see either)

On the flip side I have my blackboard, I have my daily quotes on it. The untidy 'hot spot' dumping ground near the stereo is tidy.  The fridge is tidier than it used to be.  The chaos at the moment is within me, but I'm also calmer with this month's hormonal cocktail.

Time is fleeting.

I am feeling a strong sense of that at the moment. That I must make choices that are best for the whole family.

At the moment that doesn't seem to include a trip to Santiago, much as I would LOVE to see Bruce and the E Street Band in concert again on this tour, I think I will miss out, in favour of the following range of alternate activities:

• walking the 5 km (or 10km) part of the local marathon.
• spending 5 days on the Gold Coast in a special 'children-friendly' resort 
• campervanning in the September school holidays
• my daughter's only gymnastics competition this year
• spending some time alone / with other women crafting / crocheting as an 'escape' for me
• visiting my Aunt as she celebrates her 90th birthday
• anything else that seems healing and energising that doesn't cost a small fortune in airfares.

But for now, I'm a bit in the time warp. About to turn 40. Listening to live music as I type that is tonight soothing and quietening the conflicts within.

I met (for the second time) a lovely man today, who hopefully has given me the direction and strength I need to deal with family conflicts. He's certainly given me a large list of things to look after. Who'd have thought a solicitor would be so helpful. Hopefully his charmingly brusque and forthright manner will help see me through the chaos there.

I've put on weight from doing so much Tai Chi and less walking (and lets face it, eating too many jam drops and chocolate cake slices!). I'm sure there is a balance there, but hubby needs to get out and exercise himself. Maybe some of our walks can include the children. I would love that, although its hard to get them all in the one place cooperating!

Have I said anything tonight? Probably not, but

"With a bit of a mind flip, you're into a time slip", so what does it matter?

:)

PS I learnt tonight how to change to a nicer font, yay me for conquering HTML. Also it occurs to me that blink and you miss a whole 7 days. What did you do with this week?  (tramps* don't answer, I know if you're in Europe what you've been up to!)  Blink again and 6 months have gone by.  Morale of the story? Blink infrequently, and make some memories every day.  Today's memories are of my daughters delight at jumping, her kisses of Grandad and the glorious smell of dinner cooking when I arrived home. Tomorrow I will aim for more memories and less chaos.


*aka Bruce Springsteen fans.