There are so many things that I can attribute it to, but my gut says it all boils down to that extra special spark of happiness post-Springsteen and the E-Street Band concerts.
I know I've eaten badly, for enough weeks that it is affecting me, so perhaps it is that. I know my exercise has dropped off with the cold wet weather, illnesses and extra child at home.
I know that my stress levels have skyrocketed with various unavoidable dramatic personalities, including my son's exhausted end-of-term teacher-inspired nervousness at everything.
What I don't know is how to make it better. I have written so many words in my searching for various motivations and direction, yet still manage to come to this place where things go horribly wrong despite my best intentions.
I feel like I need a plan, or a mantra and a plan. Goals. I find it difficult to cope with when my goals aren't met on time. I was pretty heartbroken when I didn't reach my goal weight at the end of April. Since then I've tried to be more flexible, but then, without a solid goal, it is easy to slowly seep into excuse making by default. That place where you don't actually make excuses, but you excuse yourself from having to be responsible.
I did this for a whole week recently over my son's school troubles. In some ways the week of 'not dealing with it' gave me some breathing space, but on the other hand, what kind of emotional state was I already in that I needed to re-create an emotional buffer that took a week in the making?
Part of the problem might have been that I've let the blog get out of control, so instead of having a daily reflection on how I'm doing, its barely a weekly review.
I'm sure I did this list only a few weeks ago - exercise, blog, Bruce, gratefulness, Tai Chi, friendship. I think its time for another 'challenge' where I focus on these elements as well as the special school holiday additions of children-time and cleanout-time. Challenge week time it is. First challenge will be getting to the blog daily!
I also left out diet! After naming it as the second most likely cause of disease disaster, I need to remember at least the basics of no bread, 3 bottles of water and some Kale every day.
Exercise and tai chi are self-explanatory - daily!
Bruce - get some of that him daily too!
Gratefulness - a daily record of what I'm grateful for, at LEAST.
Friendship - connect with my exercise mates, or phone a friend
Children and cleanup time is part of my school holiday plan to begin with.
Wow, that is a very structured, full kind of challenge. Perhaps it is about time. I do wonder where in there I'm going to fit other things, like the evil budget word, or following up to fix my Dad's hearing aids. So so many things.
First a little bit of Tai Chi and a little bit of gratitude followed by the necessary fixing clothes for work tomorrow.
I hope you've made it this far through this very inwards and reflective journal for today!
If so, how wonderful is this? This is Evan's man-hug, from his sign request for the same. It might seem crazily out of context, but its here because Evan's story makes me smile, and reminds me of how amazing it feels to be so close to someone who has such incredible energy and zest and shares that on such a magnificent scale.
Today I'm grateful that Evan shared his moment with so many Brucebuds. I'm especially grateful to get home at night with two happy children (as compared to the screaming to get out of the car variety). I'm also grateful that my cat did ok by himself for the day.
What are you grateful for today?
EDIT: note to self for this week - turn out the light!
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