Showing posts with label self-talk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-talk. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Happiness has at least 15 steps?
I was recently linked this article on facebook. It struck me as such a truth that I needed to save it where I could find it again. I am also quite impressed that it was the final prompt to re-open this blog. Leaving it there for now.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
What gets me through
So life is a lot different now. In so many many ways. Some of which I discussed in my last post. Many of which I haven't yet even identified, Dad was such an integral part of who I am, and certainly who I became in the last two years.
We had a terrible thing happen to one of our children three weeks after Dad's death. That taught me the humility of being in shock, and the formidable-ness of being a parent, protecting and empowering my child whilst falling apart myself. It also gave me reason to be grateful for the kind souls who have helped me through those weeks since.
people who help
In this instance, as with other moments of extreme need, it has been a few reliable dear friends, and some very considerate far-away friends, and even near-strangers who have made an effort to reach out to me in my need. Thank you, beautiful women.
giving the problem to a higher power
I've also had opportunity to really consider what it means to give away the problems to a higher power. I never considered that 'higher power' could be metaphorically simply 'giving away' the problem to my GP for instance. However on Sunday, that is exactly what happened. I informed my GP that since my child's traumatic event I was not coping so well, and no sooner had that problem been passed to him, and I felt better. I don't think this would be everyone's recipe for 'higher power' as not everyone has a GP they've known since they were 12, with the integrity and practicality of mine! However on the subject of higher powers, I realise too, that in a sense, I would actually take my life and its problems to my Dad on a regular basis. I never troubled Dad with commentary on my challenges, but rather in our quiet silences, or in our contemplation of the deep red Azaleas in the garden I believe I was in the habit of quietly unpacking and dumping my problems out, in some of of ritual of my own, involving an appreciation of the perspective that if Dad could cope under the terrible conditions of a nursing home and be pleased about anything at all, then my whole life and its problems couldn't possibly be insurmountable. (even if they were!)
savouring the positive moments
Today I was really struggling at one point. Then I really looked at what I had. My two happy children frolicking in the pool in dappled sunlight, a perfect summer's day. And I thought on that and felt grateful for that until I truly did feel blessed to witness such calm, unfettered peace. I need to continue to take the time to appreciate everything I can.
routines are my friend
I am sticking with existing routines and making new ones! I'm still doing Tai Chi and now I've discovered that a weekly trip to the movies does wonders that I can't live without at the moment.
feeling the 'Dadness'
One of the things that really helped me to feel that blessed sense of happiness was that I made myself see the picture with Dad's eyes. He would have laughed and been delighted at the kids playing, and he would have said to me "Don't worry about all that other nonsense, you'll be all right" I'm blessed to have the opportunity to learn from him, even after he has passed.
feeling the pain
It is easy to try to 'cope' to push aside indignity and pain. Sometimes it is necessary for getting by. But feeling the pain and hurt and sorrow is also vital to being a whole person. Today after an extremely confronting correspondence from my child's school I was brought to tears during a business phone call. And I owned it, that was my pain and sorrow and it wasn't going to be held in at that point, because it was part of who I am. There are some times when crying might not be a great idea, but also sometimes when it is ok to cry regardless of the circumstances.
change my thinking not solving the problem
I read this in a meme today. It absolutely sums up all of the above and more. It is only by perceiving things differently that I will get through this period in my life in a way that leaves me healthier than coming into it.
Be kind and loving. (a reminder for myself and an idea to contemplate)
We had a terrible thing happen to one of our children three weeks after Dad's death. That taught me the humility of being in shock, and the formidable-ness of being a parent, protecting and empowering my child whilst falling apart myself. It also gave me reason to be grateful for the kind souls who have helped me through those weeks since.
people who help
In this instance, as with other moments of extreme need, it has been a few reliable dear friends, and some very considerate far-away friends, and even near-strangers who have made an effort to reach out to me in my need. Thank you, beautiful women.
giving the problem to a higher power
I've also had opportunity to really consider what it means to give away the problems to a higher power. I never considered that 'higher power' could be metaphorically simply 'giving away' the problem to my GP for instance. However on Sunday, that is exactly what happened. I informed my GP that since my child's traumatic event I was not coping so well, and no sooner had that problem been passed to him, and I felt better. I don't think this would be everyone's recipe for 'higher power' as not everyone has a GP they've known since they were 12, with the integrity and practicality of mine! However on the subject of higher powers, I realise too, that in a sense, I would actually take my life and its problems to my Dad on a regular basis. I never troubled Dad with commentary on my challenges, but rather in our quiet silences, or in our contemplation of the deep red Azaleas in the garden I believe I was in the habit of quietly unpacking and dumping my problems out, in some of of ritual of my own, involving an appreciation of the perspective that if Dad could cope under the terrible conditions of a nursing home and be pleased about anything at all, then my whole life and its problems couldn't possibly be insurmountable. (even if they were!)
savouring the positive moments
Today I was really struggling at one point. Then I really looked at what I had. My two happy children frolicking in the pool in dappled sunlight, a perfect summer's day. And I thought on that and felt grateful for that until I truly did feel blessed to witness such calm, unfettered peace. I need to continue to take the time to appreciate everything I can.
routines are my friend
I am sticking with existing routines and making new ones! I'm still doing Tai Chi and now I've discovered that a weekly trip to the movies does wonders that I can't live without at the moment.
feeling the 'Dadness'
One of the things that really helped me to feel that blessed sense of happiness was that I made myself see the picture with Dad's eyes. He would have laughed and been delighted at the kids playing, and he would have said to me "Don't worry about all that other nonsense, you'll be all right" I'm blessed to have the opportunity to learn from him, even after he has passed.
feeling the pain
It is easy to try to 'cope' to push aside indignity and pain. Sometimes it is necessary for getting by. But feeling the pain and hurt and sorrow is also vital to being a whole person. Today after an extremely confronting correspondence from my child's school I was brought to tears during a business phone call. And I owned it, that was my pain and sorrow and it wasn't going to be held in at that point, because it was part of who I am. There are some times when crying might not be a great idea, but also sometimes when it is ok to cry regardless of the circumstances.
change my thinking not solving the problem
I read this in a meme today. It absolutely sums up all of the above and more. It is only by perceiving things differently that I will get through this period in my life in a way that leaves me healthier than coming into it.
Be kind and loving. (a reminder for myself and an idea to contemplate)
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Under Pressure ...
Wow. The interim of 'no blogging' has been eventful. I've been managing ongoing work stress, dealing with ill husband, all the other changes since the end of the Bruce tour holiday in February and on top of all that, some pretty serious issues with Dad's nursing home, and his hospitalisation on Monday.
So one of the nasty side effects of all this stress has been panic attacks. I haven't had any of those in such a long time. Until the last few weeks. During one incident of being frozen by fears, one thing I have learnt is that I just need a focus to remove myself from the crippling moments of indecision - generally that is something I find through getting another person's input, however the concept of a focus is something I can work on, I know I love the lyrics to The Rising, or I can choose to focus on a simple, trivial decision to remove the stress a little. If all else fails I need to remember to break any troubles down into one small decision at a time.
What else is putting me under pressure? All the usual things, plus extras in caring for my family, including Dad. How am I dealing with it? One day at a time, one action at a time.
What I need to urgently do is bend my life to re-include time for walking. How I'll manage that when my 3 children all feel they don't get enough of me already between work, tai chi and Dad I don't quite know. Having remembered to continue typing this blog is step one!
One a lighter note, "under Pressure' to also buy Queen tickets, or Eagles tickets... or neither!
So one of the nasty side effects of all this stress has been panic attacks. I haven't had any of those in such a long time. Until the last few weeks. During one incident of being frozen by fears, one thing I have learnt is that I just need a focus to remove myself from the crippling moments of indecision - generally that is something I find through getting another person's input, however the concept of a focus is something I can work on, I know I love the lyrics to The Rising, or I can choose to focus on a simple, trivial decision to remove the stress a little. If all else fails I need to remember to break any troubles down into one small decision at a time.
What else is putting me under pressure? All the usual things, plus extras in caring for my family, including Dad. How am I dealing with it? One day at a time, one action at a time.
What I need to urgently do is bend my life to re-include time for walking. How I'll manage that when my 3 children all feel they don't get enough of me already between work, tai chi and Dad I don't quite know. Having remembered to continue typing this blog is step one!
One a lighter note, "under Pressure' to also buy Queen tickets, or Eagles tickets... or neither!
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Resources for when everything is falling apart, handy links only.
Thats right, just the links I've found useful tonight. I'm a human being blogging, my life has stuff going on that I process away from blogging. And tonight it involved getting myself informed about pulling myself out of an emotional black spot.
I only like step 1 of this one, very important. The other steps resonate better elsewhere. (wikihow)
This one really resonated with me. I immediately went and joined some groups on facebook that related to issues in my life - one of them was an elder care page that I liked, with plenty of links and useful information. This will be so important to ease the feeling of doing it alone. Thank you to the freedom experiment. This cluey write also suggests tackling the problem that will take 20% of energy to fix, but are causing 80% of the worry. I don't know which one that is right now, too many options!
"Don’t run away from your fear, Pema says. Lean into it." it isn't the simple answer but there is a truth in feeling the fear, and then moving along (with it if necessary).
These others are the ones that I just can't digest right now.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terri-cole/dealing-with-crisis_b_2777284.html
http://www.feelgooder.com/how-to-be-positive-when-everything-seems-like-it%E2%80%99s-falling-apart/
http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/05/feeling-lost/
http://goinswriter.com/falling-apart/
The common theme seems to be gratitude. I'm going to find my 3 things to be grateful for today.
1. I'm grateful for my house. It may be slowly becoming more run down, but it is mine.
2. I'm grateful for my friends and family who I've chatted to today
3. I'm grateful for my mother in law who knows all things cooking and is just a phone call away with the answers :)
Bless!
I only like step 1 of this one, very important. The other steps resonate better elsewhere. (wikihow)
This one really resonated with me. I immediately went and joined some groups on facebook that related to issues in my life - one of them was an elder care page that I liked, with plenty of links and useful information. This will be so important to ease the feeling of doing it alone. Thank you to the freedom experiment. This cluey write also suggests tackling the problem that will take 20% of energy to fix, but are causing 80% of the worry. I don't know which one that is right now, too many options!
"Don’t run away from your fear, Pema says. Lean into it." it isn't the simple answer but there is a truth in feeling the fear, and then moving along (with it if necessary).
These others are the ones that I just can't digest right now.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terri-cole/dealing-with-crisis_b_2777284.html
http://www.feelgooder.com/how-to-be-positive-when-everything-seems-like-it%E2%80%99s-falling-apart/
http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/05/feeling-lost/
http://goinswriter.com/falling-apart/
The common theme seems to be gratitude. I'm going to find my 3 things to be grateful for today.
1. I'm grateful for my house. It may be slowly becoming more run down, but it is mine.
2. I'm grateful for my friends and family who I've chatted to today
3. I'm grateful for my mother in law who knows all things cooking and is just a phone call away with the answers :)
Bless!
Friday, June 28, 2013
Daily Mantra - an effort in consistency
"things go horribly wrong despite my best intentions." - This part of Monday's blog has me thinking. After all it is kind of the crux of it all. Why would things continue to 'go wrong'? Unless of course I perhaps am not doing one of the below things, like expecting the best of myself, and giving myself reasons why I CAN do things, believing in myself.
william paisley
If you always expect the best out of yourself & life you will get it! You are worthy of having it all... never forget that! #ypg
Organising Energy
Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't I give myself reasons why I CAN.
Something I saw on twitter suggested that I should believe in myself more - believe that I can be the best me I imagine - that's worth thinking about!
a comment...
“@Fit_Motivator: Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't I give myself reasons why I CAN.” good 4 when inertia strikes 2 get you moving
(yes the graphics are clumsy, but its midnight!)
I also said that "I feel like I need a plan, or a mantra and a plan." So my mantra for the week is to make an effort daily to give myself reasons why I CAN, to expect myself to be able to, and believe in myself. Maybe that isn't quite a mantra, but I'm sure I'll get there with some fine-tuning.
What I'm finding is that just having recognised the need to be mindful of my attitude is helping me. Today despite not feeling particularly positive, through the whole day, I have simply kept going doing what needed to be done, sometimes slowly, sometimes with a great deal of energy.
And I'm proud of my efforts, I have a somewhat sorted toy space, I've scrubbed a floor, looked after the animals, and I've even had a lovely chat about the very sad state of politics in this country. I'm filling in my little spreadsheet daily, and doing whatever is required to get over the little (and big hurdles) that life throws at me.
Here's a pic of today's cleaning up efforts. As you can see I'm big on practical, light on for image, with very haphazard labels! Might get pretty ones to replace it if I could be stuffed going to the shops.
On another note, a funny thing happened to me on the way home from Tai Chi tonight, I ran out of diesel going up a hill! I was only about 2.5 kms from home, and aside from the first 500m of steep dark hillside, the rest was on my regular walking route that I cover in about 10 minutes from home. So I simply turned off the engine, hopped out and walked briskly home (my mobile phone wasn't working so I did feel a little bit of need to be hasty). It was the best feeling to be able to just do that without thinking twice! Bruce Springsteen and the ESB have had such a big influence on my whole life, not only am I fitter, and calmer but I'm more insulated against the negative than I realise! I am finding a whole new level of intolerance for negativity that I believe is self-preservation kicking in, allowing me the emotional space to deal with my own problems!
I'm looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings in the way of successes and challenges; so far I feel like I'm doing great with my routine, especially regarding the children and getting them regular with brushing their teeth.
Challenge Day 2 - found here
Challenge Day 1 - found here
(I am experimenting with ways to make this blogging process more navigable for myself here, so far no breakthroughs)
Challenge Day 2 - found here
Challenge Day 1 - found here
(I am experimenting with ways to make this blogging process more navigable for myself here, so far no breakthroughs)
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
What you think will happen, does!
I'm incredibly shocked at how pervasive this truth is. Yesterday was one of those days, I woke up out of sorts, found fault with many things, had a few things go wrong, and was in an established bad mood before even getting in the car for school drop-off. After that it was an uphill battle to find the good in the day!
And what a day it turned out to be! Despite a very enjoyable hour in the middle of the day with my good friend and toddler listening to, discussing and dancing to all things Springsteen (and Pete Murray), it wasn't long before one more inconvenience threw me for six again!
In the end, I realised that I just needed to get through the day, any which way, and I gave myself permission to just let it go. I ate junk food and didn't exercise. Not because I can afford to do that, but because I realised I would start the next day knowing I needed to exercise even more!
One thing I managed to do, was make a simple change to improve my morning, with hubby doing school drop-off before work. This made all the difference this morning, and I woke up in a great deal of pain (negativity breeds pain for auto-immune disease, I'm sure), but didn't let it get to me, I've taken paracetamol and done 15 minutes Tai Chi and the pain is almost gone!
I'm so glad that I was able to let go of yesterday, make some improvements that I felt would give today more chance at being positive, and so far, at 8:30am, its looking like being an altogether pleasant and productive day!
As I type this I am realising, that despite my awful mood yesterday, I still strived, almost all day, to see the positive, to create solutions. They may not have worked yesterday, but those positive thoughts did pave the way for today to work out better, I gave myself a chance to make sure today was going to be ok! Not only with school drop-off, but I made plans to go to a playgroup this morning, and have been thinking good things about that since yesterday afternoon. I've been thinking positive about school pick-up time, seeing the good in it rather than the inconvenience of lugging my poor toddler about in and out of the car. I also held onto my 'integrity' - this kept me centred, despite feeling out of control at times!
It takes repetitive, consistent, and even more repetitive positive attitude sometimes. And we can't be constantly happy, sometimes we get sad, or mad; but the backbone of believing and self-talk that positive things are possible, and are even happening right now makes all the difference, sometimes not immediately, but the more 'looking on the bright side' the more likely that the happy will return more quickly after a bad moment / day. I need to remember the bright side side!
There will be more to come about the positive, solution oriented attitude. It makes all the difference!
Today is wonderful. My daughter is dancing to Bruce Springsteen, and I am 900 grams off my goal weight for April :)
And what a day it turned out to be! Despite a very enjoyable hour in the middle of the day with my good friend and toddler listening to, discussing and dancing to all things Springsteen (and Pete Murray), it wasn't long before one more inconvenience threw me for six again!
In the end, I realised that I just needed to get through the day, any which way, and I gave myself permission to just let it go. I ate junk food and didn't exercise. Not because I can afford to do that, but because I realised I would start the next day knowing I needed to exercise even more!
One thing I managed to do, was make a simple change to improve my morning, with hubby doing school drop-off before work. This made all the difference this morning, and I woke up in a great deal of pain (negativity breeds pain for auto-immune disease, I'm sure), but didn't let it get to me, I've taken paracetamol and done 15 minutes Tai Chi and the pain is almost gone!
I'm so glad that I was able to let go of yesterday, make some improvements that I felt would give today more chance at being positive, and so far, at 8:30am, its looking like being an altogether pleasant and productive day!
As I type this I am realising, that despite my awful mood yesterday, I still strived, almost all day, to see the positive, to create solutions. They may not have worked yesterday, but those positive thoughts did pave the way for today to work out better, I gave myself a chance to make sure today was going to be ok! Not only with school drop-off, but I made plans to go to a playgroup this morning, and have been thinking good things about that since yesterday afternoon. I've been thinking positive about school pick-up time, seeing the good in it rather than the inconvenience of lugging my poor toddler about in and out of the car. I also held onto my 'integrity' - this kept me centred, despite feeling out of control at times!
It takes repetitive, consistent, and even more repetitive positive attitude sometimes. And we can't be constantly happy, sometimes we get sad, or mad; but the backbone of believing and self-talk that positive things are possible, and are even happening right now makes all the difference, sometimes not immediately, but the more 'looking on the bright side' the more likely that the happy will return more quickly after a bad moment / day. I need to remember the bright side side!
There will be more to come about the positive, solution oriented attitude. It makes all the difference!
Today is wonderful. My daughter is dancing to Bruce Springsteen, and I am 900 grams off my goal weight for April :)
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The Jedi art of Under-reacting
I realised the other day that one of the biggest contributors to my stress level was my own reaction to potentially stressful events and news. Confronted with any hint of bad news I tend to immediately and unknowingly spend quite a few moments dramatising the problem. By dramatising I mean focussing on it, extrapolating the first information out into the future implications as though all possible negative outcomes were absolutely going to come to pass. After that I have even developed the habit of laying blame for the problem, wasting time identifying how and why the problem even occurred.
For example when my husband recently came home from a job interview with the news that he was starting work next week; my immediate reaction was dismay that his first day of work was going to be the very day after my own first day back in 2 years. I wasted valuable time and energy worrying about how I'd cope looking after our young toddler after a long day at work, and then doing it again all week, as well as doing all the school drop offs and pick ups. What I said to my husband wasn't 'oh great you managed to get my workday off'; but 'why did you arrange to start the day after me?' I turned his good news into a negative, and triggered off panic-hormones that have serious consequences for my autoimmune disease.
It might seem simple to you reading that this wasn't the perfect or even a moderately reasonable way to react to his good news, but it is a terrific example of being stuck in the rut of negativity!
How did I change this? I wanted to be all Jedi like, and not flapping around in a panic. You know, like Yoda, with all that little Jedi dude Hmm Hmm'ing? I especially like this quote too:
Well, I realised that the way to Jedi under-reacting enlightenment was to IMMEDIATELY look to the solutions and waste not a moment on the problem. Or, turn away from the fears and focus on the hope. I've been trying this for a few days and seeing a remarkable difference!!
When it came to the potential exhaustion of working all week between us, as soon as I began to think positively about the solutions I realised that this week is not a full working week, as in Australia we have a public holiday on April 25th, for ANZAC day, which means that despite potential tiredness on Tuesday and Wednesday, I will get a 'holiday' on Thursday, an extra day of not worrying about school runs, lunches and early mornings. I was so happy to apologise for my negativity and to let my husband know that it was all going to turn out fine this week,with an extra day off for our first week! The change in how I physically felt when thinking positive was obvious, I was smiling, I felt taller and less hunched, I believed in myself more, I didn't have chest pains from tensing up, and I've had so much more energy since taking this 'solution focus' on board.
One positive thought led to another, and I've made plans to have my friend look after the small person so that I can still do my Tai Chi class on Tuesday; again giving me a bit of a break and a chance to catch up for a cuppa as well!
So my newest lesson is that of focussing on the solution, not the problem. It is amazing how this simple change of focus can make such a huge difference emotionally and physically. I also hope to be re-teaching my children a new way to look at problems, to worry less and enjoy the moment, including all the little hurdles that cross our paths.
Perhaps, if I'm lucky, the new attitude and way of working will rub off on my husband, who tonight gave a brilliant demonstration of 'problem focus' - I was very happy to be able to stay calm and centred and quietly point out the communication misunderstanding when he was ready to think about solutions :)
For example when my husband recently came home from a job interview with the news that he was starting work next week; my immediate reaction was dismay that his first day of work was going to be the very day after my own first day back in 2 years. I wasted valuable time and energy worrying about how I'd cope looking after our young toddler after a long day at work, and then doing it again all week, as well as doing all the school drop offs and pick ups. What I said to my husband wasn't 'oh great you managed to get my workday off'; but 'why did you arrange to start the day after me?' I turned his good news into a negative, and triggered off panic-hormones that have serious consequences for my autoimmune disease.
It might seem simple to you reading that this wasn't the perfect or even a moderately reasonable way to react to his good news, but it is a terrific example of being stuck in the rut of negativity!
How did I change this? I wanted to be all Jedi like, and not flapping around in a panic. You know, like Yoda, with all that little Jedi dude Hmm Hmm'ing? I especially like this quote too:
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger,
anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.
|
|---|
When it came to the potential exhaustion of working all week between us, as soon as I began to think positively about the solutions I realised that this week is not a full working week, as in Australia we have a public holiday on April 25th, for ANZAC day, which means that despite potential tiredness on Tuesday and Wednesday, I will get a 'holiday' on Thursday, an extra day of not worrying about school runs, lunches and early mornings. I was so happy to apologise for my negativity and to let my husband know that it was all going to turn out fine this week,with an extra day off for our first week! The change in how I physically felt when thinking positive was obvious, I was smiling, I felt taller and less hunched, I believed in myself more, I didn't have chest pains from tensing up, and I've had so much more energy since taking this 'solution focus' on board.
One positive thought led to another, and I've made plans to have my friend look after the small person so that I can still do my Tai Chi class on Tuesday; again giving me a bit of a break and a chance to catch up for a cuppa as well!
So my newest lesson is that of focussing on the solution, not the problem. It is amazing how this simple change of focus can make such a huge difference emotionally and physically. I also hope to be re-teaching my children a new way to look at problems, to worry less and enjoy the moment, including all the little hurdles that cross our paths.
Perhaps, if I'm lucky, the new attitude and way of working will rub off on my husband, who tonight gave a brilliant demonstration of 'problem focus' - I was very happy to be able to stay calm and centred and quietly point out the communication misunderstanding when he was ready to think about solutions :)
Friday, April 5, 2013
We Are Alive - Solves a Mid Life Crisis
Bruce Springsteen changed my life as he sang the words, "my body gone stone cold. There were worms crawling inside and out of me. my fingers scratched at an earth black six foot low, and alone in the blackness of my grave".
Those lyrics, and what followed shocked me to the centre of my being. I'm glad that I had never heard any of the Wrecking Ball album before the concert. To hear him sing "We Are Alive" in person for the first time was mind- blowing.
I was prepared for a great song. Silencing the arena, he'd introduced it as being about spirits that are passed on from generation to generation, about listening to the dead. I was ready to be impressed, as I had been by the entire concert. What I wasn't ready for was the transformative experience. Or indeed to hear the words "Worms crawling inside and out of me"!
Which was almost immediately followed by the joyous sensation of being alive, as people begin to call out in response to the words: "I heard voices calling all around me."
Suddenly all my concerns about mortality melted away and I saw how simple it was. Yes, its awful, our physical bodies decay, but our spirits, one way or another live on, continuously through those we love or those whose lives we've touched. So simple.
Gone were the frightening thoughts about my own limited time here with my children, or the very limited time remaining to my elderly and dear relatives. With his stark portrayal of being inside a coffin, already decomposing, Bruce Springsteen chases away the shadowy fears of death and brings the grim reality into the light. The humility of his singing brings us all together, reminding us all that ultimately our final fate is inevitable and shared, though we make the last journey to the grave alone. He shows us what we are afraid to think about, and then soothes with the reassurance that those who have passed are indeed alive in one way or another, not to mention significant in number.
During this song the entire audience are taken on a journey of respect and celebration. Beginning the song with the whole arena in silence, and at times shocked silence, then the catchy upbeat tune lifts spirits, chasing away the fears of mortality, replacing those fears with a huge sense of hope and purpose at being ALIVE.
I left the Brisbane concert feeling lighter than I had in years. Burdens had fallen away from me, replaced with a happiness that spilled over, as well as a sense of purpose to get on with living! I realised that there is no point in feeling alarmed at the too-short years allotted each of us, as the impermanent nature of life cannot be changed, all that we control is the genuine pleasure taken from each new day of living. We Are Alive recognises that the spirit of those who have passed continues on in us, that what we do is a reflection of what has been done before, and will continue past our time. Somehow, not only has he chased away the darkness, but he has laid down an inspirational challenge to be a part of being alive, to be mindful of those who have already left their legacy. After all, if the ghosts can sound so darned rousing "fighting shoulder to shoulder and heart to heart", then those of us who remain alive are capable of rising up as well!
The lyrics are incredible, and my realisation is that this man has answered for me a question I've been too afraid to ask myself; that is: "Whats it all about this temporary thing called life?" It is answered simply, in the words of this song "We Are Alive", "Its only our bodies that betray us in the end". Personally I am quite comforted by the idea that our spirit, one way or another will live on after that ultimate physical betrayal. I'm inspired to get out there and let my spirit shine through today, tomorrow and the day after that!
Those lyrics, and what followed shocked me to the centre of my being. I'm glad that I had never heard any of the Wrecking Ball album before the concert. To hear him sing "We Are Alive" in person for the first time was mind- blowing.
I was prepared for a great song. Silencing the arena, he'd introduced it as being about spirits that are passed on from generation to generation, about listening to the dead. I was ready to be impressed, as I had been by the entire concert. What I wasn't ready for was the transformative experience. Or indeed to hear the words "Worms crawling inside and out of me"!
Which was almost immediately followed by the joyous sensation of being alive, as people begin to call out in response to the words: "I heard voices calling all around me."
Suddenly all my concerns about mortality melted away and I saw how simple it was. Yes, its awful, our physical bodies decay, but our spirits, one way or another live on, continuously through those we love or those whose lives we've touched. So simple.
Gone were the frightening thoughts about my own limited time here with my children, or the very limited time remaining to my elderly and dear relatives. With his stark portrayal of being inside a coffin, already decomposing, Bruce Springsteen chases away the shadowy fears of death and brings the grim reality into the light. The humility of his singing brings us all together, reminding us all that ultimately our final fate is inevitable and shared, though we make the last journey to the grave alone. He shows us what we are afraid to think about, and then soothes with the reassurance that those who have passed are indeed alive in one way or another, not to mention significant in number.
During this song the entire audience are taken on a journey of respect and celebration. Beginning the song with the whole arena in silence, and at times shocked silence, then the catchy upbeat tune lifts spirits, chasing away the fears of mortality, replacing those fears with a huge sense of hope and purpose at being ALIVE.
I left the Brisbane concert feeling lighter than I had in years. Burdens had fallen away from me, replaced with a happiness that spilled over, as well as a sense of purpose to get on with living! I realised that there is no point in feeling alarmed at the too-short years allotted each of us, as the impermanent nature of life cannot be changed, all that we control is the genuine pleasure taken from each new day of living. We Are Alive recognises that the spirit of those who have passed continues on in us, that what we do is a reflection of what has been done before, and will continue past our time. Somehow, not only has he chased away the darkness, but he has laid down an inspirational challenge to be a part of being alive, to be mindful of those who have already left their legacy. After all, if the ghosts can sound so darned rousing "fighting shoulder to shoulder and heart to heart", then those of us who remain alive are capable of rising up as well!
The lyrics are incredible, and my realisation is that this man has answered for me a question I've been too afraid to ask myself; that is: "Whats it all about this temporary thing called life?" It is answered simply, in the words of this song "We Are Alive", "Its only our bodies that betray us in the end". Personally I am quite comforted by the idea that our spirit, one way or another will live on after that ultimate physical betrayal. I'm inspired to get out there and let my spirit shine through today, tomorrow and the day after that!
Monday, April 1, 2013
Notes to self about life, the universe and Bruce
Before it all fades totally I am writing up some notes before I start gathering my thoughts all over again to dig deeper into the strange week that has been.
What I have learnt:
* to practice and seek feedback
* to not make excuses
* that a massage after a day at work would be good (musing on how nice that must be after hearing about Bruce Springsteen's post-concert routine)
* to let go and grab hold of what I have
Hopefully there will be and some other insights to follow. Thus far, the 'Bruce Springsteen Holiday" has left our little family with the following:
* no more milk drinks in the car - everyone drinks more water!
* no more excuses for not exercising and for eating poorly, I'm getting this weight and tossing it
* less swearing
* both my husband and myself are more aware of our tendency to call "poor me" like victims
* for me, letting go of whats gone, and grabbing hold of what is <- font="" important="" more="" nbsp="">
* strangely higher blood pressure for me!
* a LOT of motivation now that we are home, particularly for me
I'm sure there is more, but thats it from me for now. A more thorough post, including the update from our entry clean-up from a week ago will follow. Its all on the way!
Oh and I have a new goal - I want to meet someone who inspires me. By this I mean I want to get the inspired feeling, then meet said person. I suppose a second goal that is more noteworthy is to find something in everyone that inspires me. Plenty of people inspire me and perhaps I don't appreciate it or reflect on it sufficiently because its not as 'in your face' as a 3 hour rock and soul concert.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Cleaning habits, Challenge week works!
I've come to a realisation about the creation of good habits. Small good habits, or small efforts made repeatedly, lead to a self-regulating habit. Just like this post on "Habit V's Guilt" I am discovering that baby steps do indeed make cleaning progress. Not only do baby steps eventually lead to real changes, but the slow creation of habits over time creep in.
There is something about confidence that makes a contribution here too. The entire theme for this post started out when I happily noticed that the laundry has managed to stay in a state of what I'd call controlled chaos since the great laundry challenge week (updates found here, here and here).
The state of the laundry looks pretty awful at the moment, but the reality is that I'm getting through my 1-2 loads a day from beginning to end and for the most part, everything is where it should be. The same kind of thing is happening in the kitchen. Sure the hard-to-wash-up stuff sometime lingers, and there always seems to be leftover washing up, but its not the same dirty pot sitting here on Thursday that was there last weekend. Its a new pot, replacing the cake tin. I think when I am more confident, and my habits are even better, I can raise the expectation that no dirty dishes will be there from one day to the next.
I think I'm getting all my concepts mushed up in a mess here, but what I'm figuring out is that by giving myself permission not to be perfect in my habits, while simultaneously keeping up some confidence that I'll get these things done, I'm managing to keep on top of some routines.
All I need to do now is keep up with the decluttering and slowly add in more routine cleaning. Seems so simple but I suspect it will be a slow road.
Something also seems to be brewing in the wider family as this evening my husband has swept the floor without any prompting.
There is something about confidence that makes a contribution here too. The entire theme for this post started out when I happily noticed that the laundry has managed to stay in a state of what I'd call controlled chaos since the great laundry challenge week (updates found here, here and here).
The state of the laundry looks pretty awful at the moment, but the reality is that I'm getting through my 1-2 loads a day from beginning to end and for the most part, everything is where it should be. The same kind of thing is happening in the kitchen. Sure the hard-to-wash-up stuff sometime lingers, and there always seems to be leftover washing up, but its not the same dirty pot sitting here on Thursday that was there last weekend. Its a new pot, replacing the cake tin. I think when I am more confident, and my habits are even better, I can raise the expectation that no dirty dishes will be there from one day to the next.
I think I'm getting all my concepts mushed up in a mess here, but what I'm figuring out is that by giving myself permission not to be perfect in my habits, while simultaneously keeping up some confidence that I'll get these things done, I'm managing to keep on top of some routines.
All I need to do now is keep up with the decluttering and slowly add in more routine cleaning. Seems so simple but I suspect it will be a slow road.
Something also seems to be brewing in the wider family as this evening my husband has swept the floor without any prompting.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
When all else fails, fake it, cut corners & take a shortcut!
Today is a day of cutting corners. In the end, that is what has made it a successful day. All the corner cutting has paid off with a hefty dose of "hey I did it". Sometimes faking it till you make it really is the magic formula! I've heard people say that before - its certainly written in the book I'm reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. After my experience today, I would agree that there is a lot to be gained in terms of getting things done and positive energy in having a go at this strategy!
There are a never-ending number of ways you can 'fake it', some of my favourite cheats and shortcuts include:
- putting on music for little ones to dance to to buy a few minutes of instant fun
- making 'fake' dips, like 'corn relish' dip - blend some cream cheese and a jar of corn relish - voila, tasty dip, looks homemade! A similar dip can be made with a packet of french onion soup, as shown here, or you can also make up about 1/4 of a cup of soup first, it make the blending easier!
- applying a thin layer of wax to a clean stovetop to make spills easy to wipe off - I'm yet to do this one, it is pinned to my new "Organising Energy" pinterest page, here.
- pouring some vinegar into the bottom of the dishwasher to kill germs
- adding vinegar to washing up for an extra sparkly finish
- deliberately hugging for at least 30 seconds or more even when I don't feel like cuddling, because thats how long it takes endorphins and other good hug-hormones to work. This one really works a treat!
- I've already mentioned my inability to do birthdays weekly here. So I make do with my post office issues, and send them quarterly. Everyone still gets a card, and while I've had a few comments on the earliness / lateness of the cards, what I haven't felt is guilty for not sending one at all. It really bugs me. I think birthday cards are important, no matter your age. So when I don't send them (like I haven't sent any this year!) I feel quite bad for the lack of respect and love I've shown my family and friends.
The special fake-it day I had today involved quite a few moments of making do, and getting on with it. This is the story of my fake-it day.
Today I attended a local birthing and mother's community group. It is a bring-a-plate thing. So I took these rather ordinary jam rolls bought from the supermarket, and dressed them up a little!
Going with the theme of shortcuts - I always wash out stains that needs a bit of a handwash while I'm in the shower. It is strangely soothing using your feet to clean while relaxing. One of the advantages of the shiny new shower, inspirational place to do the handwashing!
We even 'cheated' at taking my son to school today. I dropped him and his Dad off, reassuring him that Daddy couldn't leave as I had the car! Separation anxiety eased. A great schoolday was had and the school library got a parent helper for an entire day!
I'll leave you with a cool idea for some down-time play, especially on these crazy, rainy days. I had some flour that had for some reason been left with its lid off, so we made playdough! The no-stove recipe I use is:
2 cups flour
1 cup salt
1 tablespoon Cream of Tartare
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 cup of hot / boiling water
stir, knead and add food colouring.
And when you are all done playing, store the homemade playdough in the fridge for next time in a ziplock sandwich sized bag!
Thats it from my day of short cuts and 'faking it"
There are a never-ending number of ways you can 'fake it', some of my favourite cheats and shortcuts include:
- putting on music for little ones to dance to to buy a few minutes of instant fun
- making 'fake' dips, like 'corn relish' dip - blend some cream cheese and a jar of corn relish - voila, tasty dip, looks homemade! A similar dip can be made with a packet of french onion soup, as shown here, or you can also make up about 1/4 of a cup of soup first, it make the blending easier!
- applying a thin layer of wax to a clean stovetop to make spills easy to wipe off - I'm yet to do this one, it is pinned to my new "Organising Energy" pinterest page, here.
- pouring some vinegar into the bottom of the dishwasher to kill germs
- adding vinegar to washing up for an extra sparkly finish
- deliberately hugging for at least 30 seconds or more even when I don't feel like cuddling, because thats how long it takes endorphins and other good hug-hormones to work. This one really works a treat!
- I've already mentioned my inability to do birthdays weekly here. So I make do with my post office issues, and send them quarterly. Everyone still gets a card, and while I've had a few comments on the earliness / lateness of the cards, what I haven't felt is guilty for not sending one at all. It really bugs me. I think birthday cards are important, no matter your age. So when I don't send them (like I haven't sent any this year!) I feel quite bad for the lack of respect and love I've shown my family and friends.
The special fake-it day I had today involved quite a few moments of making do, and getting on with it. This is the story of my fake-it day.
Today I attended a local birthing and mother's community group. It is a bring-a-plate thing. So I took these rather ordinary jam rolls bought from the supermarket, and dressed them up a little!
I simply cut each roll into thirds, tured them onto their sides and suddenly I had little mini rolls. Sure, everyone probably knows they're store bought, but they're now snazzier! For a children's function you could add some icing writing on the plate to make little snails!
Going with the theme of shortcuts - I always wash out stains that needs a bit of a handwash while I'm in the shower. It is strangely soothing using your feet to clean while relaxing. One of the advantages of the shiny new shower, inspirational place to do the handwashing!
We even 'cheated' at taking my son to school today. I dropped him and his Dad off, reassuring him that Daddy couldn't leave as I had the car! Separation anxiety eased. A great schoolday was had and the school library got a parent helper for an entire day!
I'll leave you with a cool idea for some down-time play, especially on these crazy, rainy days. I had some flour that had for some reason been left with its lid off, so we made playdough! The no-stove recipe I use is:
2 cups flour
1 cup salt
1 tablespoon Cream of Tartare
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 cup of hot / boiling water
stir, knead and add food colouring.
And when you are all done playing, store the homemade playdough in the fridge for next time in a ziplock sandwich sized bag!
Thats it from my day of short cuts and 'faking it"
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Cleanup Challenge - the Final Review
Last week I was busy doing my 30 minutes a day cleanup. It taught me a lot about motivation, and about the limitations of my illness (cleanup at night is bad for sleeping). It also did get me out of a few bad habits and into some good ones.
Bad habits that bit the dust last week during cleanup challenge were:
1. Resentment at jobs not done by my husband. This week past, I just got on with doing them myself.
2. Avoiding the rooms that are cluttered or messed up. This has been a big one for me, as the longer I avoid a room, the more opportunity that my clutterbug husband has been in it making a disaster area! So getting myself throughout the whole house daily has been important.
And the positive habits I am beginning have been:
1. Leaving each room a little brighter. This goes hand in hand with the whole concept of a daily clean-up and some days this is the way I spent my whole 30 minutes of the cleanup challenge, just going back and forth brightening up by de-messing. I have even started contemplating indoor plants again!
2. Continuing good habits in the laundry - I've made an effort to keep up the good progress from the laundry challenge and continue to complete a load of washing, not just keep putting more and more in the machine until the clean laundry ends up all over the laundry floor!
3. Keeping busy. Its kind of like leaving the room brighter, but more about the energy. I've just made sure that I have kept moving, kept cleaning and tidying as I go, rather than stopping to let myself get bogged down thinking about it all, I'm just getting stuck into the cleaning.
Today's keeping busy has rather shocked me - I seem to have blitzed a few things. I've been maintaining the newly cleared off windowsills free of my husband's attempts with several stray items over the past week or so to re-clutter the sill area with random things including: an electrical plug, random spices outside of my spice basket, washing up that needed doing (yes he put this on the windowsill!) and at one stage the random knives that USED to live up there were returned by him instead of thrown out! Never a dull moment living with a clutterer.
Bad habits that bit the dust last week during cleanup challenge were:
1. Resentment at jobs not done by my husband. This week past, I just got on with doing them myself.
2. Avoiding the rooms that are cluttered or messed up. This has been a big one for me, as the longer I avoid a room, the more opportunity that my clutterbug husband has been in it making a disaster area! So getting myself throughout the whole house daily has been important.
And the positive habits I am beginning have been:
1. Leaving each room a little brighter. This goes hand in hand with the whole concept of a daily clean-up and some days this is the way I spent my whole 30 minutes of the cleanup challenge, just going back and forth brightening up by de-messing. I have even started contemplating indoor plants again!
2. Continuing good habits in the laundry - I've made an effort to keep up the good progress from the laundry challenge and continue to complete a load of washing, not just keep putting more and more in the machine until the clean laundry ends up all over the laundry floor!
3. Keeping busy. Its kind of like leaving the room brighter, but more about the energy. I've just made sure that I have kept moving, kept cleaning and tidying as I go, rather than stopping to let myself get bogged down thinking about it all, I'm just getting stuck into the cleaning.
Today's keeping busy has rather shocked me - I seem to have blitzed a few things. I've been maintaining the newly cleared off windowsills free of my husband's attempts with several stray items over the past week or so to re-clutter the sill area with random things including: an electrical plug, random spices outside of my spice basket, washing up that needed doing (yes he put this on the windowsill!) and at one stage the random knives that USED to live up there were returned by him instead of thrown out! Never a dull moment living with a clutterer.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Getting dressed up in the morning
The amazing Flylady (www.flylady.net)suggests that every day we get dressed up all the way to lace-up shoes. I understand the theory of her logic, that being all dressed including shoes would trigger a sense of purpose. Only for me, that just didn't happen. I put shoes on and felt no different to being comfortably barefoot in my home. Except less comfortable. 
But this week, as I tackled a particularly difficult knot in my very long hair, I had a lightbulb moment! For flylady, putting on her shoes is the ultimate symbol of her readiness for the world. For flylady, getting those shoes on was what made her feel 'fully prepared' to meet the world head on. I live in the subtropics. Shoes to me mean stinky feet and dull office jobs. They mean the opposite of comfortable, and are a reminder of how I prefer to be barefoot. However there are two things that symbolise my readiness to meet the world head-on. For me, having my hair recently fully brushed, and brushing my teeth mean that I'm ready for anything and feeling good about my level of preparation. Sometimes I go out without doing my hair properly, I give it a quick flick with the hairbrush and hide it all in a bun. I still go out, but I feel less perfect, less ready for the world. I know I'm hiding several knots in the bun! And brushing my teeth properly is much the same. The longer I take on my teeth, the more 'world ready' I am. So my version of 'getting dressed to lace up shoes' is 'brush my hair fully and clean my teeth thoroughly'. If I've done that at the beginning of the day, I feel more ready for what the day might bring, even ready for unexpected visitors, because I feel good about how I'm presenting myself, even if I'm barefoot! So if lace-up shoes don't resonate with you, maybe the shoes aren't your trigger for 'readiness' - maybe its wearing a bra, or putting on lipstick, or wearing your favourite jewelry. Maybe its starting the day with washing your hair. If you stop and think, you'll know what it is. That part of getting 'ready' that you wouldn't dream of leaving out when going somewhere important like a wedding or party or work, but you might not do every time you go to the corner store. That part of getting ready that might be difficult or annoying, or not seem important to do every day, but when you think about it, makes you feel good, even if there is no wedding to go to! I'm going to make an effort with my hair and teeth and let you know the results.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Getting started
I often find that getting started is what undoes my energy. I'm too busy conserving energy (sitting on facebook) or simply avoiding taking action on the things that simply have to be done. Then I find myself wasting considerable time THINKING about what needs doing, whilst making no progress whatsoever. This is an almost daily occurrence with me and it has the most crazy simple solution. On every occasion I've found myself suffering from inertia, procrastination, or totally overwhelmed, the ONLY solution is to just get on with it and GET STARTED. 
Sometimes its as simple as reminding myself to just start moving. Other times I need prompts, like my list above the sink that outlines the kitchen and laundry hour of work that theoretically gets done daily. Sometimes I really need baby steps, and I use the 'Unfuck your habitat" App onthe iphone to get me started using random 5 minute 'unfucking' jobs. The app can be bought from http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/ Breaking down the work into teeny tiny manageable pieces sees me get started, and begin to get through things. It also helps to be able to do things quickly between interruptions the more important work of children :) Speaking of getting started, today is one of the days where I'm struggling with getting momentum going, so I'm leaving the blog to get back to tidying the house and attempting to make it presentable. I'd love to hear your tips and tricks for getting started!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
A new blog!
The theme of this blog is Organising Energy. Its about energy. And how to keep energy pointing at the things that are important.
The Online dictionary says Energy is 1.The strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity. and organising is 1.Arrange into a structured whole; order: "organize lessons in a planned way". 2.Coordinate the activities of (a person or group) efficiently. So thats what I'm on a mission to do. Arrange my physical and mental (and emotional) strength and vitality into an efficient arrangement.
Or, get things the hell done. At the moment I have a facebook group, a very underused plan for my house, some goals for this year and a lot of wishful thinking.
I am hoping to branch out by starting this blog documenting how I'm going on the path of energy organisation. My first realisation is that I've been spending a bit of time treading water intellectually. At this point, I'm also going to start with a big list of my realisations and projects.
Realisations
Projects
This is me, walking along the beach, into my future!
The Online dictionary says Energy is 1.The strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity. and organising is 1.Arrange into a structured whole; order: "organize lessons in a planned way". 2.Coordinate the activities of (a person or group) efficiently. So thats what I'm on a mission to do. Arrange my physical and mental (and emotional) strength and vitality into an efficient arrangement.
Or, get things the hell done. At the moment I have a facebook group, a very underused plan for my house, some goals for this year and a lot of wishful thinking.
I am hoping to branch out by starting this blog documenting how I'm going on the path of energy organisation. My first realisation is that I've been spending a bit of time treading water intellectually. At this point, I'm also going to start with a big list of my realisations and projects.
Realisations
- I need to put more positive, tidy energy into the house than Keegan has reserves of negative, messy energy. Huge challenge
- I need to stick to my plans, even if this means changing a family holiday to a 'Kay' holiday? Still thinking this one over.
- From a book called 'The Happiness Project' I have grasped that happiness is more feeling good, less feeling bad, more feeling right and growing. simple but complicated.
Projects
- Blog organising energy
- Blog 'playplaces'
- Cooking / cake decorating (on hold)
- Crocheting hats
- Markets
- Making the house respectable for housesitting
- Looking after Dad
- New Zealand holiday in April
- Island holiday overseas June / July
- Campervanning holiday semester 2 this year? skiing!
- Looking after my health - exercise, physiotherapy, diet and dentist.
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