7000 days - the end of one life.

Yesterday I said my final goodbye to my faithful feline companion of 20 years. Remembering some of the early years with a friend, I calculated that we'd had about 7000 days together. Too short, too soon they were over.  I turned 40 this year, and there are about another 7000 days before I enter what I think of as 'beginning to be old' although from what I've seen, if you are fit enough, and fortunate, age that really 'ages' you does not come until after 80. So I have 7000 days of 'mature adulthood' ahead of me. Possibly that is an oxymoron - I don't know that adulthood is really connected to maturity and not certain that age is either. But I'm willing to call it that in my head :)

I had about 7200 days with my little furry purry pusscat. In that time he's seen me move house 3 times, lose 3 uncles and my Mum. He's endured the 'single period' as well as glared at 4 boyfriends. He took the appearance of the first two children with grace and the third with resignation. He's played in the Christmas tinsel, bitten our neighbour, teased the dog next door, explored the creek, raced... straight up a tree so high that the vertical descent arse first shredded his claws and he has purred and loved me for those days without question. Not bad for a cat who was chosen by my boyfriend all those years ago because he was the cat who wanted to get out the most! I think that despite the potentially excessive nights out drinking and then nights in playing online games, overall I've made good use of my last 7000 days. I plan to make even better use of the next 7000. I am grateful for the companionship, feline and human that I've had during my adulthood. The feline company will be sorely missed.

  

What would make better use of the next 7000 days? More gratitude, contentment and to have seen and done things, especially with my children that they will remember. To have been a kinder, calmer human being so that my children can pass that on  to their children.

Yesterday I couldn't have been prouder of my 3 children as they all said goodbye to my cat, patting him and then helping with his burial ceremony. They picked flowers and arranged 2 matching vases, collected decorative stones, and finally created their own headstone from a brick with their own words:

"Dear Tinky, we wish you were alive right now. We love you very much."

They helped in every way with his burial, said final words to him and held me as I wept. I am blessed.

 

 

 

 

A great way to enlist help with organising - 'helpx'

We had an exciting 'first' this week. Our first HelpX (help exchange) visitor!  Martin from Denmark, came to us on Monday and left for a trip to Australia Zoo this morning.

It was altogether a very enjoyable experience, we were blessed with a relaxed, independent and polite visitor who fitted in around the family and helped out easily.

We really enjoyed providing him with some Australian 'firsts' too.

This is Martin's first Vegemite experience, although we buy Aussie products so it's actually a Mighty Mite on toast brekkie :)


And below is his first Pavlova.  For those (including Martin) who want a brief history of the dessert, here's the wiki. 

 

 



The premise behind HelpX is to exchange food and a place to sleep for around 4 hours work per day's stay. We found ourselves not getting into 4 hours work simply because 2 little children were completely entranced and demanded attention from our visitor (counts as work to me). This turned out ok, as I had a little more time to do things of my own and some help with supervision. We also enjoyed the educational experience of learning about another country, the similarlities and differences.

 

Tonight was sadly the meltdown of tired children and tired adults, we all felt a bit grumpier,  but overall the tired flaking out hasn't diminished the positive experience that helpx brought to us.

 

We certainly look forward to more helpx experiences and have some more ideas now on how to go about helpx despite our busy life. 

 

Thanks Martin for an enjoyable visit!

 

 

 

 



Confusing choices

In the past, for reasons of privacy and also my own confusion, I have written little, if anything about the enormous challenges of caring for my Dad. He fell over in 2012 and gave himself a significant concussion. He was 6 weeks in hospital, at the end of which I was given the ultimatum to get him into a nursing home as the hospital did not acknowledge his post-concussion syndrome, claiming his dementia caused all of his memory trouble and that at 84 (then) he was not safe in the community. He has been in one, 20 minutes from my home since then.  It is an expensive home, with some very caring staff. There are also some very callous financial decisions made by the 'for profit' organisation, and by certain staff members. One of whom informed me over 2 months ago that in her opinion (she's a Nurse Practicioner, so her opinion should be professional) my Dad was at the end of his life and we should withdraw all medications.  I disagreed with her, and rightfully so as Dad has once again beaten the odds to continue to do well for someone with his medical conditions.

The problem that I face tonight is about Dad, but moreso about myself. It is about our relationship, and his relationship with the community and my children.

While Dad was terribly ill, both my husband and I took 6 weeks off work. We did not want my Dad to become increasingly unwell and die alone. We wanted him to be as comfortable and as well cared for as possible. So one of us (usually me) spent most of our waking hours with him. We ensured that he could get to the toilet when he needed to, that he had the right medication when he needed it, that he was not being given too many fluids, that he was warm enough, that he had plenty to eat,  that he was treated as a human being and respected, not treated like an imbecile. This was a full time job, particularly when he was unstable, he needed oxygen therapy, he needed an upright sleeping position, he needed the best nutrition in the smallest food quantities because he couldn't eat a lot at a time. None of those things come as part of the 'service' at a nursing home. They do not provide one staff member to sit and provide spoonfuls of food for an hour or more so that one person can get their entire meal eaten. They do not assess the food for excessive (and deadly) salt content. We provided that to him, and he lived. And this makes me happy. If my Dad didn't want to live, his body has given him plenty of opportunity to give up. But he doesn't and for that I'm grateful. I still enjoy his company. I find it somehow reassuring that he is still there, despite the burden his continuing life places on mine. It is the circle of life, this is how things are.

What I struggle with, is the prospect of returning to my own life. My husband went back to his work last week. These past two weeks have been more emotionally draining, and deadening to me than all that time while Dad was desperately ill and I thought he might die at any moment.  I find it impossible to advocate for him effectively when I can only see him 3 times in a week. I find it demoralising to leave him for such long periods of time (more than 24 hours seems long) without seeing him, or speaking to him. He isn't good with the telephone so conversations on the phone are now a rarity.  Today he told me that the place he was in is good "as long as you're not in it" He wants to come and live near us, or go home.

At this point, that is what I want too. I want to at least take his 'community leave' from the nursing home and find him somewhere to stay locally and then see how we go, what we need and whether we can make a go of it with him in the community.   As I write this, it sounds easy, I am reminded to call back two real estates for more information to see if I could rent either of 2 local houses. And I've just thought of another 2 houses that may be available for rent. I think what frightens me most about this is that it will be going against what my elder sister wants, and I'm not known for ever winning any kind of disagreement with her.

I'm glad that I have friends who are learning from my experience with Dad, about what not to do, what to watch out for. But right now I could really do with the wisdom from someone else who can help me to both make his time happier, and to take away this dreadful flat feeling I have inside after leaving him in the nursing home to fend for himself for the past 2 weeks. I know that we (hubby and I) have been to see him at least 3 times a week if not more, but it is not the same as seeing him every day, or several times a day. There is no time to care for him, to be certain that he's getting enough food, or that anyone is speaking to him kindly, or that he's getting to go for a walk. When we aren't there, those things don't 'just happen'. I want to be there, to be a part of his life and care.

I do need to talk this big decision over with the family. I might be feeling bereft, however perhaps my children are enjoying the extra time with me that I'm sure they are having. I don't feel that that is the case, but it probably is. Another possibility is to bring him here overnight and see if we manage ok. I think we will have to investigate that for next weekend. It is something we've been meaning to do and he's always getting sick or we are too busy (usually collapsing after he's been sick).  I've needed to write all this down because for me at the moment, Dad's situation is at the heart of my own situation. All of my energy is tied into how he is  being cared for, I feel very responsible for his welfare.

Passing along the organising energy tricks

Today's update is a little reflection on one of my earliest lessons while writing this blog.  That of 'ask an expert'.  This concept of asking an expert was a critical component of my 'Inspirational motivation' blog entry.  Over the months, I've come to realise that the expertise of the experts you ask varies depending on the circumstances. We can't always access the best person in the field of our interest, but we can find out from others what is working for them!

So without further ado, my two 'expert' pieces of advice that I've gained this year are
1. Do both regular cleaning and decluttering simultaneously / take regular turns. This simple concept has taken me quite some time to adjust to. There have been challenges in accepting this simple advice.  I'm learning to accept that our house may always resemble a cyclonic fallout zone at first glance.  How deep the debis lies is the critical thing! When all the clutter seems to look like piles of junk from floor to ceiling there is a problem. When one can distinguish obvious recognisable furniture and fixtures and the floor is not inches deep in toys, then that is maybe as good as it will get. I'm also learning that the more decluttering I take on, the more I need to be wary of falling behind the normal cleaning - I still need to empty the fridge, do the dishes and handscrub some laundry items. On the other hand, I also need to be forgiving of myself if I do accidentally forget the damp towel in a bucket in the laundry and have to throw it out. I'm only one person and I'm taking on extra with the decluttering. Some of the things I used to have in a routine might suffer as I am adjusting.

and

2.  Write one big long, huge list of things to do (in the phone).  Now this concept I find particularly confronting. What if the list just keeps growing and growing and growing I said? "so?" replied my 'expert' friend. Let it grow. It was going to grow inside your head anyway, at least on the list it is written somewhere safe.  She had a good point.  And so I have reluctantly begun using 'REMINDERS' on the iphone, not as 'reminders' but as the depsitory for the greatest longest list of all-time things to do.  The logic behind this apparently functional (yes I'm still skeptical) idea is that when you do feel inclined, or have a sudden moment alone, or an insane urge to do something truly useful, there is your list of EVERYTHING, waiting for you to peruse it and choose the exciting job of the moment.  I have to say that I have hardly been an enthusiastic recruit to this system, however it does seem to be quite effective.  It is said that writin things down makes a difference (you are also supposed to write down goals), and it seems to be proving true in this case. The jobs that are written down seem to be at the forefront of my mind without having to really 'use' the app to 'find busy work'. This is a bit of an experiment in progress, so I'm sure that like the balancing act of regular jobs and extra decluttering, it will in time grow on me.

Do you have any expert tips to share on the theme of organisation?

So far so good

It has been a long, successful time between blogging. This time of year tends to descend into chaotic disaster and misery, so for me to sit here, on my child's birthday, breathing a sigh of relief at having gotten through one party and two actual birthdays without too many tears and frustration (on my part) is a significant achievement.

I credit this amazing change to the blogging experience, bolstered by the Springsteen & ESB experience and in part the culmination of the efforts I've been making for a few years now to reorganise my life to reduce the stress, chaos and improve calm and happiness.

I've come out of this with a few realisations and tips:

1. When your life is hectic take a look at local venues that do children's parties. With a bit of negotiating it is surprisingly possible to have a no-fuss party that caters to your own needs and for which you do zero preparation (well I made a cake), yet spend no more than you would for a party at home!
2. Don't take people's comments on board. If they offer to help, believe it after you are wishing them a thankful goodbye, anything before that is not guaranteed to happen and can lead to disappointment. Along this same vein, if someone is critical, take it as a reflection of them, not you. The negative energy isn't yours.
3. Slow down. The busier life is, the more you need to slow down and take things one at a time. This has really worked for me in the last few weeks, and I hope it continues to keep me functioning until this busy time of year is finished. I don't think about what isn't in my immediate future, I don't worry about anything but what I'm doing next. The rest will eventually take care of itself or become the 'next thing' in its turn.

I've thoroughly enjoyed my part in the children's birthday's this year and am grateful for the learning experiences that have helped me to put it all into perspective. Making this cake was the relaxing, enjoyable event that it used to be years ago. I'm grateful for learning the tips above so that all I had to concentrate on for the party was the simplicity of this fun cake.
 

A-Z of organising.

I'm going to totally show my blogging ignorance here and just paste this for my own reference later.

Someone else's tips A-Z style for organising their lives.

Busy Days

Its the time of year when I like to try to enjoy myself, but am often overwhelmed by the volume of things that need to happen between now and the closing of the year!

In our household there are 3 birthdays, 2 school end of year's events, and finally Christmas.  I like to 'get my Christmas on' early, and it so rarely happens. Most of the time it is less than a week before the big day that we finally decorate.

This year I'm busily getting life in some semblance of order now, before the silly season begins.

In the past week I've organised my 2 children's birthday celebrations - both sets of invitations have now been sent, bookings made and presents are in the works.

I've also spent time checking both schools and sporting activities for upcoming events and have transferred them into my phone's calendar as well as on to an A4 sheet  for the months as I need the visual reminder!

I got stuck into the lawnmowing this afternoon, as a prelude to putting up lights - these will be first on the agenda this weekend, alongside last minute birthday shopping.

All the things to do are making me dizzy. The idea is that this year, my attitude of simplifying and organising will combine to mean that the lights really do go up this weekend!