Earlier this week I blogged about needing to regain that happiness from last month. As it turns out exercise is a big deal when it comes to being happy. And, I discovered last night, so is Tai Chi specifically, so I'll talk a little about both here today.
Exercise
It is amazing how I can be a cursing ranting mess, leave the house for a half hour walk, and return with an incredible sense of calm and peace. I came to the conclusion that my family vastly prefer the version of me with that sense of peace and calm exuding from within to the alternative grouchy snappy duck! So the self-fulfilling nature of getting enough exercise means that not only will I feel good, but so will those around me, so then I'll be less irritated by the universe and everyone in the family will be basking in the rays of happiness as they were post-Springsteen. Thats the theory :)
Apparently the practice is much like the theory. This article says that on any given day, happiness is increased as long as exercise has taken place. Thats the gist of what it says, I'm sure! Quite remarkable. So simple its stupifying.
I have incorporated taking my boy for a walk a few times a week as well. I don't get the distances on those days but he keeps up a sharp pace and the conversation and time talking with him are an incredible payoff. Plus it gives him the idea that walking with family is a fantastic way to exercise!!!!
This isn't really about the weight loss, but overall my exercise does have that primary purpose, so its worth mentioning that I've reached my target weight of 90kgs and now its time to maintain it at the very least, although I do want to get down another 5kg goal at a time as soon as sickness stops lurking with my husband who can't do without me for a 45 minute walk when he has man-flu!
Tai Chi
I began Tai Chi classes in early 2012, with the Taoist Tai Chi Society. My Tai Chi lesson of this week is that Tai Chi singlehandedly contributes to my lower blood pressure, my sense of calm, my posture (I literally leave classes taller!) and my attitude.
I'm not alone. Tai Chi has been shown to improve circulation, lower high blood pressure, improve balance and posture, and reduce stress. It also reduces joint pain, increases flexibility and lowers Cholesterol!
I'm now re-committed to going to Tai Chi at least twice a week to continue to maintain that sense of calm and relaxation, as well as the terrific physical benefits.
It has been a challenge fitting in the new routine again since the great week of illness and gastro. Most of the family have come down with a bad cold that is lingering this week also. Money is not where we were expecting it to be and we've been looking with alarm at our budget for next year. This past week I would have to say I've reverted almost wholly to the way I was before Bruce Springsteen. Which, by comparison to the interim period, isn't a great place, and certainly not where I want to be.
A chat this week with my concert going friend revealed that she was also losing the effect of the excitement, she's been sick too, so who knows whether it's a post-concert high wearing off or it's just about how unwell we're feeling. Regardless, between us we came up with the solution.
Get back to the basics. What made me so happy in the first place? What was I doing when I was happy? How was I thinking about things, and what things was I thinking about?
The strategy I've used for the past couple of days has four elements. Bruce, Blogging, Gratitude and Exercise. Between those three things at the forefront, other factors such as being solutions focused, improving my eating habits and sleeping seem to be falling into place as a natural consequence.
Gratitude and Exercise are known to improve life expectancy and quality. I'd love to see links you come up with about this research, but in the meantime, here is my perspective.
Gratitude
"Being grateful is also associated with improved immune system function, fewer aches and pains, and lower blood pressure"
Wise words to listen to for someone with an autoimmune disease, arthritis and high blood pressure!!!!
Although it seems like such an insignificant thing, being grateful appears to have an uplifting and soothing affect. Simply finding one thing to be glad about this morning seemed to be the salve that calmed my entire day. The more gratitude, the more excitingly happy I was. I remember when I was at the dizzy peak of my happiness post-Springsteen and I found joy in every part of the day. I was positively buzzing with gratefulness. Being thankful seems to be the first step to being very happy indeed.
Plus I think it turns around a bad attitude! I found this link about how to develop an attitude of gratitude.
I know that today I've been calmer and less bad-tempered since being sent a text first thing this morning with my friend's list of gratefulness, and replying to her with mine. I only had one thing to begin with, I sent her this "I'm grateful that hubby has taken the time to get the boy off to school today"
The rest of my day was calm.
One of the most significant concepts for me since I began blogging is that of being prepared. It was the subject of one of my very early posts as I reflected on my mother in law's incredible pre-preparation for just about anything.
Particularly now, as I am feeling more positive, happy, upbeat and capable than I have in years, I find myself reflecting on this concept of preparation.
Recently (during that quiet time when no blog posts appeared) my husband travelled away for work. He was driving to a major regional town, about five hours away. When he'd been gone 4 hours already, and I was mid-breakfast, mid-getting children to school, the whole trip hit a terrible snag in the form of my coming down with a very severe case of gastro. I couldn't move, and he was 4 hours away. I am so grateful for his boss, who immediately drove him home again to look after the children, as I was so incapable. I spent the next several days feeling quite off, but the worst passed that first day, and along with the sickness came some pretty significant realisations for me.
The first one was that there was no way that hubby could travel for work again, at least not until our youngest is a little more independent. We simply don't have a 'backup' network to call on, other than each other. This didn't take much contemplation, after the horrible hours waiting for him to arrive home, I'm not doing that again with such small children.
The other realisations however came hot on each others heels and do require a bit more contemplation and change. After a very upset week, I realised that not only have I established a solid family routine since returning to working, but that this routine was hanging on by a thread. We simply aren't that used to it, haven't settled into it, or gotten comfortable enough with it that it tolerates much battering. The week I was at home sick threw the entire concept of 'calm', 'organised', and 'routine' out the proverbial window, it seemed at the time as though never to be seen again! (luckily I'm more resilient than that and this week is going OK)
Hand in hand with how precariously our little family is balancing its 'routine' is the entire concept of being prepared! After all, if we are more 'prepared' then by extension our balancing act is more stable, and less likely to topple at the slightest adjustment required.
Which leads me to my focus for the moment. I am still determined to lose weight, keep exercising with the same intensity as in the last month or so, and still quite keen to keep my positive attitude, however I feel a little like the tough work of beginning those changes has been accomplished and I need to consider how being prepared will accentuate the positive attitude and exercise transformations.
Firstly, simply being more prepared in the meals department will provide me with an even better daily diet to get the best nourishment without any excess sugary carbohydrates!
Being a step ahead of where I am now would mean having an idea of tomorrow's food, and it being in the fridge (its been a lean food prep week this week!); not running out of cat food; having photos uploaded every week; having activities ready for the children when they get home (OK that one is only if I turn into super-Mum!). It would also mean being on top of the mountains of paperwork for myself and my Dad. I feel like I'm drowning under papers at the moment, but will leave that conundrum for another day! I like the sound of being a step ahead, however for now, the tiniest fraction of being prepared that I see now is a bit less dramatic, but might give me a few hints about how to operate in a prepared way. I've already noticed that the better my communication, the more we are able to negotiate through things as they crop up. Put another way, two grumpy snappy adults don't make great decisions!
Since the returning to all hands on deck working, we've established some routines that sort of work. Hubby does early mornings (when my arthritis still makes me a slow turtle) and drops big children at school before work; I take our little one to her various morning activities; we come home and she naps while I get housework done; the almost 2 hour pickup of big children happens at the end of nap-time; we have a very early tea when we get home; then homework after Daddy gets home and a bit of chaotic energy, then bedtime. This is what is working for us.
Two times I am focusing on improving is the activities I get done while little miss takes her nap, and what I get done after hubby is home at night.
At the moment, I am happy that at nap time daily I seem to be managing to completely clean the floor off in the entry and kitchen as well as downstairs toys. This is a bit of an extension of what I've achieved in the past, and this week I'm trying to work out how to extend past that point into uncharted cleaning territory. I'm still not sure, but some experimenting is on the horizon to find the balance that will fit in my 2 hour time frame.
In the evenings I am juggling between walking (its not practical at 9pm any longer due to the cold!); school homework; and cleaning! I am using the early evening time to get into extra projects or washing up, whichever is needing doing more. This is how I managed to get the floor scrubbed on Monday night, determination!
I need to refresh and revisit the concepts of this post about Working Smart. That's the essence of what is going on here, an attempt to make the obvious easier!
There is something else I'm realising as I go over all this while listening to Bruce Springsteen's Darkness on the Edge of Town album. It's that I need to find a way to really ENJOY getting more prepared! I remember when I was in Girl Guides, that my Guide Leader instilled in me, for the shortest moment, a flame of inspiration of REALLY wanting to 'Be Prepared" and obtain my Baden-Powell emblem, the highest achievement for a Girl Guide. Years later, I feel I'm finally getting the point of all those badges and things. A sense of purpose about how I am going about this domestic life, to relish and delight in what is necessary.
I think I'd much rather relish and delight in more Bruce Springsteen concerts, but in order to do that I need my house to be respectable and presentable for house-sitters, so it's delighting in house cleaning for me in the interim.
Hang in there Bruce, I'm coming to a concert soon!
Despite the past week being somewhat traumatic with extra bills, illness and other conundrums, I'm so proud of myself tonight to discover that the unstoppable post-Bruce spirit is still kicking, despite the knocks. I am beginning to see glimmers of progress, where I am finally making inroads into all areas of my life, not just treading water.
After a 12 hour day at work I came home to a lovely dinner and happy children, making it easy to get into getting homework done with the bigger two, and elevating my calm levels.
So while hubby took the small ones to do groceries, I was determined to mop the floor, it's been put off for a very long while. There was a moment of annoyance when I phone to find out where the bloke has left the dustpan and brush this time (he never ever ever puts it back where it belongs). Hubby informs me its out in the pitch black near the shed! So it was a quick return to the old days and sweeping up the dust into a piece of paper - does anyone remember how to do that? Full steam ahead for mopping, until I discovered that we have no mop fittings!!! No problem for determined woman - I just grabbed myself an old towel and a scrubbing brush and started burning those calories.
An hour later, and some very tired muscles I have a very bleached, lavender smelling floor that is shining at me all sparkly-like. In the end I was using my foot to scrub in the hallway to the laundry because my back and knees were protesting, but it all got finished just as hubby returned with 2 sleeping babies.
A successful day :)
Two weeks ago:
I don't know what other people's experience has been once having a third child, but in our family it has thrown the dynamic into what can be kindly described as total chaos. Noise levels are higher, random crazy stuff that children do is much higher and focus on any activity is much lower.
Partially to counter this, and partially because I know that our boy misses out on time with me all the time (middle child issue!), this weekend we did one day with him and Mummy and then today I spent time with our eldest.
I enjoyed myself so much, that I can see this being a regular thing, and a way to reconnect one on one with the children who are swamped when we are all together in chaos. I'm thinking that next week, we will swop, and hubby can have one on one with the older children one at a time while I have our baby and whoever isn't having Daddy time.
As weekends go overall there was still chaos, but it was countered by the lovely time I had just hanging out low-key with my little bloke; and then today having a couple of hours in the surf with my big girl, without having to restrict our swimming due to a small toddler! And the weather was ideal for it, water temperature was 22 degrees and just refreshing rather than chilling! I hope this beautiful autumn weather holds out a bit longer so that we can have a few more beach adventures.
UPDATE: on reflection I realise that my eldest frequently manages to get time alone with both myself and hubby, so the 'alone time' project is going to continue mostly as a way to keep a good connection with our boy. Strategising to separate children for different things on the weekend is a great way for us to keep sanity for all concerned, as this weekend on Saturday we kept our youngest at home with me because she is getting tired of being in the car constantly. This gave hubby and son some alone time out at gymnastics.
We've also built a little fireplace, which everyone is loving in the cold weather, to cook potatoes in jackets, warm garlic bread, toast, fire-roasted chicken breasts and toasted marshmallows for dessert. This has been a terrific weekend activity, re-engaging our fussiest eater with a range of yummy food. Tonight's plan includes cooking corn in the coals as well.
Winter has certainly arrived, so I don't think we'll be getting any more glorious beach days until spring arrives. Until then, this make-do fireplace is going to see some adventures.
Happiness increases well-being. This is one of the most interesting things I have learnt during the past months of self-reflection.
I've had psoriatic arthritis for five years. I've seen different doctors and two rheumatologists in that time. None of these learned folk have indicated to me that increasing happiness would have the slightest affect on my pain and disease. Yet not only does it make a difference, but a profound, life-changing difference.
I was very aware, through experience, that 'stress' contributes to illness and disease. Our negatively skewed health system acknowledges the bad lifestyle choices and circumstances, but completely overlooks the health promotion factor of happiness! It never occurred to me to view the positive promotion of happiness as a way of limiting my disease!
Here is the story of what has happened to me to bring me to the realisation that being happy will change my life.
While on bed rest two years ago, when I was pregnant with our third child, I learned a lesson about acceptance. I learned to accept what I couldn't change, to relax despite chaos around me, and to preserve a piece of self-soothing calm. These were significant lessons for me. My baby's birth was tinged with a great deal of sadness, my Dad was in hospital (a different hospital from us!) 5 minutes up the street from me when our youngest was born. Then my family were sick and between one thing and another, Dad didn't meet his youngest grandchild until she was 2 weeks old. My delight in her existence has often been marked by a huge burden of caring for my Dad, his continuing illnesses falling mostly on my shoulders to assist with, and no family support for moving him either in with us, or to our neighbourhood to ease the burden. Throughout all this, I have maintained a degree of calm, through learning to let go more and more, but not without some cost in terms of missing moments of peaceful joyfulness and delight at our small baby. There is a sense of loss of some of those moments that I will not be able to get back, but it is that kind of new baby happiness that makes all the difference!
And then Bruce Springsteen happened, and like a bolt of lightning, my happiness levels skyrocketed. One of the most significant parts of this was the evaporation of my mid-life crisis. I'd been experiencing a degree of bleak thinking, as I have high blood pressure, and I'm caring for my Dad, whose high blood pressure is at the end stage of its affect on him, giving him vascular dementia, chronic renal failure and chronic heart failure. It is a shocking thing to see him so frail, he was until the last couple of years incredibly robust and independent. I am very conscious of my 'middle-age' and young family, and the combination of these factors often had me questioning my mortality, the inevitability of death for all of us, and the fact I felt that my time with my children was oh so limited (as my time with my father, and his fully faculties, had already almost run out). These are all valid concerns, but it took the song "We Are Alive" for me to face my biggest fear and realise that despite our brief time here, we are all part of a bigger humanity, and to draw comfort from that. I'm the kind of person who 'bucks up' when I realise that yes, the physicality of death is gruesome, but it is only partially the ending of my story. My story will pass in fragments on to others, and join the collective story that surpasses the individual. I find great comfort in that.
Furthermore, as I've previously mentioned, Bruce Springsteen as a live performer is incredibly uplifting and inspiring. Not only for the boundless energy he exhibits, but for the infectious delight and enjoyment he so clearly wants to spread throughout the audience. I am particularly amenable to charismatic influence, so not only did I take the enjoyment away, but I consciously went out of my way in the following days and weeks to build on the happiness I found in my first Springsteen concert. This industriousness was just the beginning of the overflowing happiness to follow.
By chance, having stumbled across extra concert tickets for Melbourne, I saw him again, this time with a friend, in the GA, or standing 'pit' area. I intended to enjoy myself and dance!
Between Springsteen and my inspirationally fit friend, I realised that I was soley responsible for my life's current situation, I was at the helm, in charge and commander of my own self. This shift in perception away from being a 'victim' of various circumstances / disease / other people made a huge difference to my outlook. Suddenly I was extremely happy and light. I didn't hold onto grievances or sorrow, but between the eventual three concerts I attended, I simply became determined to continue to enjoy, to be the best me I could be!
My happiness overflowed. I smiled, I didn't shout or swear, I was calmer, because I was enjoying myself! Arriving home I went out of my way to continue to be happy, to find the absurd and amusing and hold onto the post-concern silly grin whenever I could. On days when things appeared to be going wrong, I looked on the bright side, I looked towards solutions and never at the problems. Overall my satisfaction with my life would have gone from a 3/10 to an 8/10.
I was also walking between 15 and 30 minutes every day, going out with my favourite Springsteen music and putting a smile on my face while letting the exercise pump out the endorphins.
The most incredible thing happened! My auto-immune disease began disappearing into the background of my life, pain levels plummetting and the visible psoriasis on my arms fading to scars. Its not a pretty picture, but it illustrates the point :)
The past couple of week have been more difficult, this week since Mothers Day I've had a particularly nasty virus, so finishing off this blog post has been quite a reminder for me to take some time to find a happy place, for the sake of my health.
Has three months of blogging helped me to keep the house cleaner? If I look at the question critically, then the answer would be not a great deal. The state of the house is still very chaotic, my 'hot spots' where junk collects appear to have grown in size and number. However overall there are a few positive differences that would not have happened without blogging. These make the optimist in me say YES, blogging has made a difference!
The most obvious change is my entry. Having followed "Inspirational Thursday" and taken the advice of my friend, I 'made over' the entry over a month ago. And it is still looking pretty spiffy compared to the mess of bags and shoes on the floor that I had previously.
I am happy with that result! The second change is more subtle, but possibly has a much greater affect on our household. Since blogging, and my Bruce Springsteen experience, I have been much calmer and happier. My husband has therefore been calmer and happier, we have better routines and it has become unusual for the chaos to get as out of hand as it used to when we were under pressure. Now that I think about it, I think I've achieved a little glimmer of 'being prepared', something I so admired in my mother in law during my first week of blogging.
The more time I take to contemplate my household management and cleaning, the more I realise that the progress I'm making has everything to do with my positive attitude. It is amazing what can get done when you stop finding excuses and simply begin doing! This is particularly inspirational to me today, as yesterday I was feeling a bit unwell, I felt my positive attitude and energy had left me, yet I managed to cook 3 meals for a weekly cook-up with my hubby, and still went for a 20 minute walk for exercise. Pre-Bruce, pre-blog, neither of those things would have been achieved on a 'bad day'. I would highly recommend blogging, or journaling to anyone who is struggling with progressing in any aspect of life. Writing things down and practising self reflection are incredibly powerful tools for positive change!
