What gets me through

So life is a lot different now. In so many many ways. Some of which I discussed in my last post. Many of which I haven't yet even identified, Dad was such an integral part of who I am, and certainly who I became in the last two years.

We had a terrible thing happen to one of our children three weeks after Dad's death. That taught me the humility of being in shock, and the formidable-ness of being a parent, protecting and empowering my child whilst falling apart myself.  It also gave me reason to be grateful for the kind souls who have helped me through those weeks since.

people who help
In this instance, as with other moments of extreme need, it has been a few reliable dear friends, and some very considerate far-away friends, and even near-strangers who have made an effort to reach out to me in my need. Thank you, beautiful women.

giving the problem to a higher power
I've also had opportunity to really consider what it means to give away the problems to a higher power. I never considered that 'higher power' could be metaphorically simply 'giving away' the problem to my GP for instance. However on Sunday, that is exactly what happened. I informed my GP that since my child's traumatic event I was not coping so well, and no sooner had that problem been passed to him, and I felt better. I don't think this would be everyone's recipe for 'higher power' as not everyone has a GP they've known since they were 12, with the integrity and practicality of mine!   However on the subject of higher powers, I realise too, that in a sense, I would actually take my life and its problems to my Dad on a regular basis. I never troubled Dad with commentary on my challenges, but rather in our quiet silences, or in our contemplation of the deep red Azaleas in the garden I believe I was in the habit of quietly unpacking and dumping my problems out, in some of of ritual of my own, involving an appreciation of the perspective that if Dad could cope under the terrible conditions of a nursing home and be pleased about anything at all, then my whole life and its problems couldn't possibly be insurmountable. (even if they were!)

savouring the positive moments
Today I was really struggling at one point. Then I really looked at what I had. My two happy children frolicking in the pool in dappled sunlight, a perfect summer's day.  And I thought on that and felt grateful for that until I truly did feel blessed to witness such calm, unfettered peace.  I need to continue to take the time to appreciate everything I can.

routines are my friend
I am sticking with existing routines and making new ones! I'm still doing Tai Chi and now I've discovered that a weekly trip to the movies does wonders that I can't live without at the moment.

feeling the 'Dadness'
One of the things that really helped me to feel that blessed sense of happiness was that I made myself see the picture with Dad's eyes. He would have laughed and been delighted at the kids playing, and he would have said to me "Don't worry about all that other nonsense, you'll be all right" I'm blessed to have the opportunity to learn from him, even after he has passed.

feeling the pain
It is easy to try to 'cope' to push aside indignity and pain. Sometimes it is necessary for getting by. But feeling the pain and hurt and sorrow is also vital to being a whole person. Today after an extremely confronting correspondence from my child's school I was brought to tears during a business phone call. And I owned it, that was my pain and sorrow and it wasn't going to be held in at that point, because it was part of who I am. There are some times when crying might not be a great idea, but also sometimes when it is ok to cry regardless of the circumstances.

change my thinking not solving the problem
I read this in a meme today. It absolutely sums up all of the above and more. It is only by perceiving things differently that I will get through this period in my life in a way that leaves me healthier than coming into it. 

Be kind and loving. (a reminder for myself and an idea to contemplate)

7 of the Ways my Dad improved my life

As usual, I have only a limited amount of time to write this blog. Today I have been particularly mindful of the many myriad of ways that through his illness and final years, my father had an incredible influence on my life.  

I have been really struggling since his death and needed to write this list in order to begin a journey of regrouping my strengths. At the moment I'm suffering a loss that belies the frail old man who was dependent on others.  These are seven of the reasons why my loss is so great, just some of the ways he improved my life:

1. Gratitude - witnessing Dad living in a nursing home, reliant on the courtesy (or lack of it) from other people, relying on their gentleness (or lack thereof), and dependent on them wholly due to his dementia in ways that we can only be horrified at was exhausting emotionally. In order to cope with the sadness of bearing witness to the circumstances it was absolutely necessary to become grateful. Grateful every day that I could help him, give him dignity or something to look forward to; grateful for every day that a 'good' carer was on that he was receiving better treatment that day; grateful that the 'bad' staff were only on for a shift and then would be gone again. Gratitude improves longevity, so learning the lesson of daily gratitude through Dad was incredible.   

2. Acceptance - As Dad declined in health both mentally and physically, he never ever lost his will to live or his enjoyment of what life he had left in him.  As each new indignity of ageing took over his daily life, he accepted it with grace (mostly) and continued to turn instead towards that which made him happy. He lived for his grandchildren's visits, for my visits, to see the sunshine and flowers, and to kiss the hand of his caring staff. He lived for sausages, and other enjoyed foods, and for the smile of a warm person. He taught me that life is about flowers and family and if you can't have either, just find something and enjoy whatever you can. Bless him for that incredible lifelong lesson I hope to pass along to my children.

3. Strength of mind - nothing creates a need for strength of mind like having to find a way to overcome the gulf between wishing to provide total assistance and dignified care to your loved one, and the reality of there being very little you can actually control.  Dad's situation taught me to create my own boundaries around my expectations and actions. He taught me that if I could only help him once a week, that was better than not helping.  Acceptance is a key part of having the strength of mind to decisively think positive instead of despairing, I had to learn to accept that what I did had to be enough simply by telling myself that it was.

4. Boundaries - When someone is in a nursing home or hospital, they are in 'their' world, swallowed up within the systems and rules created by those large institutions.  Learning to navigate the systems first step was to follow the unwritten rules and boundaries. I now know how to look for these in so many areas of life.

5. Communication - Dad's illness taught me so much about humanity. How to get onto his level and communicate with him, as well as how to negotiate and advocate for him. I had plenty of help from some of the kind people in the system, but without Dad I would never have persevered with learning so much about communication, how to find one key point and focus on that, how to not bombard people with everything you want to say, so many things.

6. Patience - waiting for a doctor for 3 hours is a very effective way to build up a head of steam, however it doesn't help anything. Likewise if a nurse isn't coming to a buzzer call fast enough. It helps to simply apply patience to them and get on with something else while you wait.  In the case of more than one buzzer call I simply got on with fixing the problem as best I could myself, knowing they'd turn up eventually. 

7. Determination - of the quiet kind.  Dad simply didn't give up on walking, regardless of who gave up on him. If people unthinkingly were stupid enough to place him in a position from where walking proved impossible, he would simply get around by any other means he could muster, most of which were so ingenious that carers simply didn't believe his determination or intention. Many people under estimated my father, sadly to his detriment, however the determination he showed, right up until the end of his days will stay with me forever.  

Thank you Dad for all you did for me, perhaps without knowing it. I believe though that you did know, and I hope you know how grateful I am for your amazing gifts. Without a father like you, determined and unwavering in your last years I would be poorer for the lack of experience.  Love you Dad. 

An open letter to the medical team treating my father

Dear Doctors

I wish to explain to you my position on my father's treatment while in hospital (and out of hospital for that matter).

Last night, Dad held out his arm, covered in little white dots from blood tests, and made some noises that sounded like he was trying to get a sentence out. I asked him to repeat himself. I couldn't believe what I heard! "Did you just say to me "I've got bad veins"?" I asked him.  He grinned at me with a twinkle in his eye!  Dad was making a joke about his situation, less than 24 hours after waking up from an unconscious state that had lasted 8 days.

My father has dementia. I don't care what 'category' of severity that you wish to classify it as, because your classifications mean nothing to my father, or to us, his family. What means something to us is that he contributes to our life in a positive way, despite the obvious challenges he presents in extra responsibilities. 

Even now, Dad is contributing to the world. In the last week he is teaching me - to never ever give up; to defy those in authority or who think they know better than you what you know to be your own truth. He has taught me during the past two years that there is ALWAYS something to appreciate.  He has inspired his nephew in Melbourne through his tenacity and determination.

My children when faced with his potential death, remember him still as the Grandad who loves them unconditionally, without judgement, and who continued to play with them, even as recently as playing ball early this year.

It is important to remember that he has had many opportunities to leave us through sickness and he chooses not to do so, coming back from the brink through sheer willpower alone.

I have had time to reflect on your suggestion that my father ought to not be treated for any new infections.  I contest that you are mistaken in this assertion.  Australia is a first world country. One of the markers of the wealth of this nation is that we are able to provide health care for our sick, ailing and elderly.  All of them. There should be no judgmental decisions made based on Dad's disease or what your own morality insists about who is worthy. The morality that is relevant here is that of Dad, and of us, his family.  You may be a doctor, but you are not my family's moral compass, nor is that your role. The truth is, that in a poorer country, with limited health resources, a decision about who is most deserving would be relevant, however we are not in that situation. If there is a fiscal problem with supply of medicine on the Sunshine Coast in 2014 then it is politicians we need to pressure, not the family of an elderly man who is determined to live.

Perhaps Dad can provide an important lesson to your young student doctors about the dangers of making assumptions about someone else's quality of life. As an elderly friend pointed out to me last night, there are fit young people in the world with better physical and mental abilities than Dad whose quality of life would be considered poorly, yet those people are not judged when being considered for treatment.  Why should you make this judgement when we are supposed to be a wealthy country?

So it is with delight at the tenacity of a single human being with great lessons still to impart to his family, that I request that you don't just pay lip service to the concept of treatment for my Dad, but you give him the full benefit of medical assistance, including fully discussing with us his necessary nutritional requirements, not just glucose which is making a pretense at assistance, but fully and openly discuss the path to improving Dad's health.  Let's leave the 'will he or won't he survive?' discussion aside, and give him the opportunity to make that decision for himself, with the best possible care from your team to support him.

Dementia v's the world

I wish for a world when a person trying to sit up is not viewed as crazy, where a person with dementia is not viewed as worthless and miserable. Until we live in that world I am going to use some of the energy I've been putting towards caring for my Dad and do what I can to contribute to bettering the treatment of people living with dementia. It is a cruel disease and at the moment we are so far from treating sufferers reasonably let alone with dignity. For instance, in Sunshine Coast hospitals at least, they still treat dementia patients with both risperidol and haloperidol - both of which carry FDA warnings in America as their use has been found to cause higher incidence of death for people with dementia. And here we are, my Dad and I, in a position to be adding to that statistic :(

Happiness - a post-script to Queen / Music Heals

A few things came to me this week. One of those things was the realisation that in this post entitled "Music Heals - Impressions of Queen + Adam Lambert" I never did get back to what I meant by that title.

To be quite blunt about it, over the course of the past year or so, I've discovered (and to some extent, so has science) that happiness actually heals auto-immune disease. Please don't misunderstand me, I don't think that you just have to think happy thoughts and a disease that has plagued you for your entire life will disappear, that isn't what I mean.  From a purely personal perspective, with the kind of disease I have, truly being in a state of happiness works magic on my levels of pain, swelling and from all accounts, actual disease progression.

And music makes me wildly, incredibly happy, ergo the previous title about Queen + Adam Lambert's concert in Brisbane.  I felt so alive, so invigorated and so much less like a disabled ill person when that concert was over. Music brings so much hope, and to be surrounded by such a crowd filled with the joy of living, that is a magical kind of thing. 

It is interesting as I did as much welling up with tears as I did laughing (probably more) during the concert, as Queen's music brings back incredibly sensitive & poignant memories for me.  Yet they were tears of release, of comfort in the music. I felt this also when overwhelmed with emotion at Bruce Springsteen concerts, the tears were all part of the pleasure of the immersion into the music. 

Today, after running out of money at the supermarket and being cranky with the children because I was worried about getting by until Friday I realised that the exact time I needed a happy attitude was right now.  There is no point waiting till things get better to be happy. Happiness is a choice we make and all other choices follow accordingly.  I had not long decided to be happy, then I made all the children yummy afternoon tea, we played soccer, made damper for supper and I was able to handle absolutely everything this evening calmly! It felt so much better than letting myself get distressed over a lack of spending money when we already have everything we need to get by for the week.  It was easy to feel happiness after listening to incredible live music, but not so simple when at home surrounded by life's dramas.

So this week I've set myself a challenge. Not only to pursue happiness, through exercise, what I eat and drink, gratitude and music; but to blog daily until next Monday night about some aspect of how I am going with it. So far the 'formula' is working wonderfully, I'm ready for a good night's rest, not a care in the world! 

Father's Day Memories

My Dad suffers with dementia. He isn't with us in the way he used to be, but his love is strong, and his will to live even stronger. For that I admire and thank him.

My memories of my father and his influence on my life are both intensely positive and surprisingly negative.  

The positive memories include long days in the sun, on the 14 ft boat, soaking up the sunshine and fishing for Whiting, Bream and Flathead. And the excitement of cooking and eating all the fresh fish on the fire at night, then playing 500 late at night in our converted bus camper on Macleay Island in Moreton Bay, Brisbane. The island was like another world, of adventure and fun and as I take my children to regular holiday spots now, I see them gain a little glimpse of my island holiday life and I understand their excitement and wonder. 

I remember long hours driving in the car with Dad, talking. My Dad didn't talk about politics or world events, but he would talk for hours about nature, especially birds and rocks, and about social histories.  He'd also get me doing maths on our long trips, reading the map for how many kilometers to the nearest town, then to the nearest big town, then to the day's final destination! Then as I grew older, the maths became more complicated as I calculated petrol, either how far we'd make it till the petrol station, or how much mileage we got from filling the tank. I learnt to choose accommodation by price and amenities this same way, on our long trips.

The not-so-great memories include many times on summer holidays asking for Dad to show me how to do basic mechanics on my car. Dad was an auto-electrician, so he knew these things. Eventually friends of mine at university showed me how to change the oil in my car. Obviously they were just that little bit less sexist than my Dad who was born between the two world wars and believed that a man's job was to look after a woman and make sure she wanted for nothing. It is possible that his need for this to be true stemmed from his own parents, as his Dad suffered PTSD from World War I and from all accounts his mother perhaps did quite a bit of complaining at having to take over significant amounts of work.  I don't remember her well, but Dad's childhood friends are fond of telling me that she was not particularly generous of spirit!

So this father's day I'm reflecting on how my Dad's parenting reflects on my parenting style....and in order to not make another of Dad's mistakes (at least not right at this instant) I'm off to watch my children wake up their father with toast and coffee they prepared themselves!

Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads out there!

Atlantic City - modernism gone wrong?

Being a Springsteen fan, I'm browsing his 'video of the week' recent additions and after watching the Video for 'Atlantic City' I am struck by how much the meaning of the song resonates with my own beliefs, and also with my own local area.



The video is entirely black and white, adding a sense of lonely isolation. To me it tells the story of life in a changing world.

photo by:  Michael S Fleischmann

Transposing shots of traditional stone and 'modern' architecture is architecturally one of my favourite 'moments' about exploring cities with history. The cold heartlessness of sleek modern design against the artistic, fancy stonework, with traditional works that date back to ancient Greek and Roman designs always sends a shiver down my spine. This video places the contrast beautifully midway through, sending home the coldness of the modern world.

I'm pretty poor with words, more so when I'm limited to a 15 minute window or so to type uninterrupted!  Nonetheless I will have a go at capturing what the video emphasizes so beautifully about the song, reflecting a strong social commentary.

I'm getting things all mixed up because  there is just so much packed into this one song, but Bruce Springsteen has captured the incredible social troubles underpinning all that there is about gambling.  Australia at the moment has significant gambling addiction issues, and we are feeding that with one of the highest rates of poker machines (slot machines) per capita in the world.  Gambling problems, like other addictions, create their own secondary social issues, like petty crime, unemployment, transience due to housing stress to name a few. 

Seaside resort towns reliant on tourism often also exhibit the same patterns of social problems. Springsteen reflects these perfectly with his imagery, providing a poignant background to the lyrics, delivering a real sense of how stark and unforgiving it can be to find yourself "on the wrong side of that line" of winners and losers. 

I am thrilled to see the video track over the words "progress and industry" before settling on Atlantic City. I feel like this brings home the question asked by this song, and which we all should continue to ask "At what price, progress?"

Music heals - Impressions of Queen + Adam Lambert

What a spectacular night! After so many Springsteen concerts all the pre-concert business was straightforward. I even managed to nab myself a 'cup' to decant my water bottle into (they didn't search my bag, so I arrived inside with a water bottle, plus lid, but little chance of keeping it with the crazy volume of security folk) But enough about me!

From the moment when the curtain began its strange edging forward on the stage, I was mesmerised by how much more 'stage crafted' this show was going to be than my recent experiences. 

I traveled through time with 39, to Radio Ga Ga,  Crazy Little Thing Called Love and Bohemian Rhapsody, thanks to the magic that is this beast known as Queen + Adam Lambert.

I rocked and sang to We Will Rock You, Find my Somebody to Love and Fat Bottomed Girls.

And I cried and laughed. 

What a wondrous thing it is that the world has been blessed with Adam Lambert so that we could all see some of the special magic of Queen, Roger Taylor's incredible vocals and Brian May's unparalleled guitar solos.   The giant mirror ball reflected the wonder perfectly, as did the stagecraft during the whole night.

Thank you Queen and Adam for visiting Brisbane tonight & sharing your gifts with us. I am feeling truly blessed.

P.S.  Brisbane Crowd - I am extremely proud of the fact that none of you on the floor level seating sat down for the whole concert! well done! Now we just need to educate those in tiered seating about what a Rock concert is about!!!!!! 

Inflammation and Disease

Hello
I'm going through a bit of a lowish point at the moment, just feeling generally not quite right. Which somehow led me to reading an interesting article about depression as a symptom of inflammatory disease. The findings were varied but all pointed to increased rate of depression in people who had a high level of a chemical related to chronic inflammation.

I have chronic auto-immune disease. In the recent past I have fought it with a multi-faceted approach including exercise, tai chi, diet, being reflective and grateful. When I can muster those elements things are very good. In the meantime, there are moments like now when the article's findings hit home hard and are, quite frankly, depressing.

Here's the article.

School holidays - off to an interesting start!

Day 1 of the school holidays was a mixed bag of crazy.  With both adults and the eldest child feeling very under the weather and out of sorts, the chance of a significant clash with 2 energetic smaller folk was pretty high.  

This is how we ended up in the car going on a "penny hike" which took us to a lovely creekside viewing platform where the three children all delighted in playing counting and running games with the wooden logs. Happy parent!

These holidays I've decided to focus on sight words for my boy, he is really 'getting' reading now, but totally missed learning those strange words like 'have" 'the' and 'you' etc. It makes reading that much slower than it needs to be. I've written the first 3 words in glass marking pens on our back door so he gets to read them every time he goes out to play!

We also did a science experiment last night, an amazingly short one, but they all delighted nonetheless in the occasional spillage of water on the dining room floor!  It is funny how the simplest things are awesome to a smaller person, everyone from the 2 year old to the 9 year old had a good time tipping up their water glass and trying not to break the seal with the cardboard.

I love school holidays because there is so much more time for reading. We've read 4 books already in 2 days (I'm counting Friday as everyone was home sick). One of our favourites that still requires me to read aloud is Mr Chicken Goes to Paris. It is especially funny when we have our French backpackers staying with us.

I'm especially proud of the learning my eldest is doing. She's constructed a cubbyhouse in our mango tree, that even includes a rope pulley system for getting items up into the tree and down again. A very good thing that years ago when installing our pool I didn't let anyone cut down the lower branches of our young tree, so that it had the chance to grow into a perfect climbing tree for our girl and her independent exploration.

There's nothing more enjoyable than being a part of the children's lives and education, I am such a homeschooler at heart, these school holidays for me are always a precious opportunity to grab a moment and spend time with the children that doesn't seem to be possible when they are at school.  The temptation to get on the road and just travel around while they are so small is very strong!

Thank you E Street Band!

This year, almost as soon as Bruce and the E Street band packed their bags and departed our beaches, the world changed for me.

When I saw Bruce Springsteen in 2013, something changed in a massively positive and awesome way for me.  Then, somehow at the end of February this year, having taken an epic 4 week and 9 concert holiday around 5 states of this beautiful land, life just started nosediving.

The theory I like the most is twofold. One, after sooo much Bruce and E Street Band, I felt invincible and instead of taking on only a single thing (my health / weight / fitness), I started tackling ALL THE THINGS. I was like  the blogger who decides to be an adult and CLEAN ALL THE THINGS.  It was taxing. I collapsed under the strain a little bit. This combined with the fact that travelling if not 'with' a huge group of people outside of my normal 'bubble' was a bit of a rude shock. Travelling in such proximity to such a large group for such a long time, certainly threw me for a six on a number of occasions. I was spent before leaving, the tour was to recharge my batteries (which it did), but I found it difficult to take on a whole new group of strangers, I just didn't have the emotional gusto at that time.

And thus, life post tour has been quite odd. Weeks go by when I don't feel any of the empowering inspiration that lingered for so much longer post-2013 concerts. There are days when it all feels like a dream.  

And then there are precious moments like today, when putting my son to bed, when my phone is out of batteries (no Bruce setlist!) and he says to me "But Dad's phone has Dream Baby Dream!" and then "Doesn't Dad have Wrecking Ball?" The cute, it burns.  He fell asleep listening to Cadillac Ranch from a youtube clip of Sydney in the end :)

Which reminded me of just how grateful I am for the E Street Band, so I'm writing this thank you for them.

This was my view of the concert in Adelaide with my beautiful daughter, and delightful friend. We had the most amazing time!

To Eddie, thank you for the down to earth facebook posts, and your sense of humour. Thank you for thanking us in Perth.  Perth was so special for me, I met some wonderful people and you played such a big part in making it all feel lovely.  It was in hindsight quite funny to see you in Sydney, well, to barrel past you with my crazy loud family and not recognise you, not that I could think at all clearly at that point, a common state when running after 3 energetic kids. Next time, please jump in front of me and say "boo!"; I'll keep a lookout for men without saxophones leaping out from behind their beautiful wives. You continue to be an inspiration to me, your posts remind me that hard work is what achieves goals, what keeps us where we want to be in life, my thanks. I am glad that you have visited and enjoyed my country.

To Charlie, thank you for the winks and smiles in Perth, what fun! It makes such a difference to know that we're all having fun together :)

To Soozie, thank you for playing the Violin. You inspire my daughter whenever she sees you onstage.  Thank you for being friendly, for smiling, for not looking crossly in my direction when my poor tired, overheated daughter (same one who cheerfully survived 43 degree heat and insisted on staying up till 12:30 to see Bruce leave in Adelaide, who begged to be allowed to come to Brisbane too!) looked miserable and wilted. Thank you for smiling, not frowning!

Max, thank you for being the incredible backbone of the band. Last year you blew me away and I spent hours watching you mesmerised by the way you work your magic.  And I have a new respect and appreciation for drums, everywhere. You've opened up a whole new way of listening to music for me.

Stevie Van Zandt, thank you for being you. I was only on your side of the stage a few times, but your energy and cheekiness is amazing and so much fun. Thank you most of all for standing with Bruce and singing to my daughter. Thank you for waving to us in Sydney when we were way up behind you.  And thank you for Lillehammer! I have not yet watched it,and look forward to the chance to watch it all!

Roy, you legend. Thank you for every note played, including the ones played with Bruce's head. Thank you so much for the beautiful music.

Everett, thank you for those incredible drum-offs :)

Michelle, Cindy & Curtis oh my thank you for the fun! My girl and I thoroughly enjoyed waving to you during the Sydney show and she loved seeing how you work together at the back of the stage to give us such a wonderful night of music. The waves and smiles made her feel so special, thank you xxxx

Barry, Clark & Curt I love it when you all get to the front of the stage, your sense of fun is infectious, thank you!

Garry, you are such a dark horse hiding quietly behind your bass. Thank you for the moments when your smile lights up the room. 

Nils, like Eddie, you have been and continue to be, such an influence on me as a person. Musically I'm challenged, but your happy outlook, and the incredible vibe from you in 2013 especially made a huge impact on my outlook. Your accessibility to fans as people is incredible. You made me feel welcome on twitter, for which I thank you. I have enjoyed immensely learning from your example on stage and off, and wow, I love watching you play Because the Night. Thank you!

Jake, I have not sufficient words. I came to see the E Street Band for the first time with you already filling those big shoes. I think that not only do you do an amazing job, but you bring a young energy with you. Blessings and thanks!

And Tom, again, for me you are a part of the E Street Band as I know it.  But what a new and exciting influence on amazing.  I love to watch you, the juxaposition of your energy and personal styles with some of not-quite-so-Tom songs! Your face is a picture!  Thank you for standing up for those who need a voice! Thank you for the hours of fun in Perth particularly, your smile is infectious. Thank for for your contribution to The Ghost of Tom Joad, which now makes me cry. 

Bruce Springsteen, thank you for singing to my daughter, so very much. It means so much to her and made my night to see her shine with happiness both in Adelaide and Sydney. Thank you for meeting her, and for the hindsight-object-lesson-in-parenting that sometimes Mums just need to shut up and listen!  That one is going to be a challenge for me.  Thank you for the challenges! Since seeing you in concert for the first time in 2013, my life has changed. You are this person who opened the door into your soul in a concert and who in doing so exposed my own inner self. The magic has rubbed off a little differently this year, but I'm sure it is still there, no excuses to be so sick, no excuses not to exercise, no excuses for not being the best of me in this life. All that matters in the end are our family, our health and the little piece of us we pass along to others through our actions. Have a good time in this life right now, because it is the only one we have! Thank for, and the whole E Street Band for that lesson.

Most of all thank you for the chance to share this experience with my daughter, we have the happiest memories together!  Be warned, next tour my son insists he is coming along too!

Same lessons, different day, different year

I've been struck lately, amidst running about like a crazy person from one very important task to another, at just how repetitive life lessons are.  Here I am, gaining weight, in pain, feeling anxious and realising that so many things I've blogged about such as being prepared, taking time to relax, regrouping, drinking enough water, making no excuses remain the life lessons I still need to learn!

Making time for reflection, that was another of the important life skills I'd focussed on, particularly in making a commitment to blogging. Yet I still don't find the time regularly.

However I did have one moment of reflection while talking with a lifelong friend earlier in the week, which I will share with you now.

At the end of all our days, when our life is nearing it's completion, the only thing that matters is the shared belonging of our family and friends, and the qualities and values and love that we see shining from the younger generations.  When everything else fades away, those things endure with the same meaning across the generations.

Gross Things Parents Do

In my family it isn't just me. Both parents of children have almost equal gross-factor. Here's the list. I have done at least 5, regularly.

10 Gross Things Parents Do!

Under Pressure ...

Wow. The interim of 'no blogging' has been eventful.  I've been managing ongoing work stress, dealing with ill husband, all the other changes since the end of the Bruce tour holiday in February and on top of all that, some pretty serious issues with Dad's nursing home, and his hospitalisation on Monday.

So one of the nasty side effects of all this stress has been panic attacks. I haven't had any of those in such a long time.  Until the last few weeks. During one incident of being frozen by fears, one thing I have learnt is that I just need a focus to remove myself from the crippling moments of indecision - generally that is something I find through getting another person's input, however the concept of a focus is something I can work on, I know I love the lyrics to The Rising, or I can choose to focus on a simple, trivial decision to remove the stress a little.  If all else fails I need to remember to break any troubles down into one small decision at a time.

What else is putting me under pressure? All the usual things, plus extras in caring for my family, including Dad. How am I dealing with it? One day at a time, one action at a time.

What I need to urgently do is bend my life to re-include time for walking. How I'll manage that when my 3 children all feel they don't get enough of me already between work, tai chi and Dad I don't quite know. Having remembered to continue typing this blog is step one!

One a lighter note, "under Pressure' to also buy Queen tickets, or Eagles tickets... or neither!

Why I wish I hadn't done Bruce in Brisbane

I've reached a certain point now, where at this very moment, I simply wish I had not attended the Brisbane concert at all. Would I be jealous of those who had? Probably yes, especially as almost all the people I know raved about it. However the concert they experienced, was not the same one I attended. For me, the Brisbane concert was the one that quite simply, went wrong. It summed up all that was crappy and shit on the tour of Australia, and did nothing at all to uplift me as every other Springsteen concert has done. 

My reasons why are:

1. Poor queue preparation / outcomes / moods
I really don't think I have the mindset required to enjoy queuing. I hate waiting for one thing. I also hate wasting time, and tension. Queues are filled with all of that and more.  But the Brisbane queue was especially crap, as one of my friends arrived first, then told other people, then they said 'just go home till tomorrow' and then the 2nd group of people turned up, apparently took over number 1&2 spot from 2 other people and then eventually because I was parked in my car with nothing else to do for the afternoon I ended up getting number 9 & 10 spot with my daughter. This soon turned into 7 & 8 when two people dropped out. This should have made us happy, but because of the tension (I assume from the above confusion between everyone with a higher number than us) it just made me uncomfortable. I was alone with my girl with a very good number but with no immediate prospect of being near any friendly faces who would assist me in ensuring my girl's safety in the pit.  I didn't really want to have such low numbers with her, without also having along another adult beside us who was as committed to safety as I was.  This tension stayed with me for the 3 days of queuing. 

2. My beautiful daughter. 
Who convinced me to do just one more show.  I do not regret taking her, not a bit, but there were many moments when I questioned my decisions & hers.  We had a pact that because she was going to be at the front, no sooking or getting tired (she had managed 2 concerts already in fine form so I didn't foresee how this could happen!) What I didn't think ahead to was what I would do if she couldn't keep her side of the bargain (nobody is perfect!) I should have had a plan B!!!! So what went wrong?  Quite a bit. Because we now had tour shirts post-Sydney, and the ladies in the Brisvegas Bruce house were dressing up, she wanted to join into that fun. Great, except that her previous concert attire was far more suited to long hours standing in a sweat box! She went from very cool loose summer clothes to leggings and a hot Born in the USA T-Shirt in the hope of getting onstage for Sunny Day, the song Bruce always sings with a child from the audience. We also ended up in a group of people who did not approve of her presence in the audience, and were not afraid to say so. We were blessed by one lovely lady who stood her ground behind my daughter and protected her from the worst shoving crowd I've experienced at Springsteen (another thing that went wrong with having brought her along to this particular concert) But there's more. The heat. It was worse than Adelaide, which was bad enough that a woman fainted with heatstroke beside us. So much hotter. And my 9 year old was wearing her hot leggings and t-shirt. So she really wasn't having fun. And it showed to everyone that she was melting, although I was slow to catch on, and only realised towards the end of the encores that she really was feeling the heat, and not just hating the music.  Which is the final disaster in her experience (well almost). So the Wild, The Innocent and the E Street Shuffle did not appeal to her. She wanted the Rock n Roll Bruce show. Hunter Valley 1 would have been right up her alleyway. Brisbane was not. How much of this was affected by the loud shouting directly at her that "she shouldn't even be here anyway" during the opening song I don't know.

I feel better for having vented. There are other, small things that upset me about Brisbane. Some not so small. Despite all this negative writing, I am from this point on going to always focus on the positives I can take out of the experience of the show. These were:

1. Seeing my friend's eyes light up at hearing the sound check played, and not long later at hearing her favourite song "Does this Bus Stop at 82nd Street?"

2. Seeing a lovely young woman in happy tears on her Birthday after meeting Bruce and speaking with him after the concert. 

3. Seeing Gary Tallent with a Tuba  (that's a poor picture of it there! But so funny :)




















4. Remembering all the good times I'd had through the whole tour, and the people who made the experience so special. 

And now I'm done. I can look back on this and laugh, as Garfield has said in cartoons past about terrible mishaps.  

This entire post was inspired by reading 7 Ways to Let go of Insults from an A*Hole 

What's your one important thing?

A discussion with a friend today has inspired today's post.  I was telling her how frustrating the negotiations with the new nursing home are for my father. Clinical nurses trying to wow me with their overwhelming knowledge of 'how things must work' to over come my emotional daughter response. Or something like that.  My friend points out to me that you have to learn which battles are worth fighting for.  

And I've had a 'aha' moment.  Just like that.  

In the past two years in dealing with a range of folk regarding my Dad's healthcare, I've learnt, most often the hard way, that when it comes to negotiating care for someone who cannot speak up for themselves, that the only way to ever 'win' or get a good outcome is to choose just ONE thing.  Making all kinds of seemingly random demands, however well-meaning, serves only to overwhelm staff at every level of healthcare, and to frightening them, and worst of all, to giving them the 'ammunition' they require to then declare you unrealistic and emotional and bring social workers into play to put you in your place (far away from all decision making).

Faced with those daunting prospects, learning to choose just ONE thing to make better, with a fair chance of succeeding and it is remarkable how fast I learnt to ignore some things I found unacceptable in order to continue to fight the good fight about something I found MORE unacceptable.  Eventually however, you can fix quite a few things, as long as you approach it one thing at a time.

I'm sure this isn't a universal guide for all life's adventures, but it certainly provides an interesting point for reflection.  It seems that when we focus all our energies on just one thing we bring a number of patterns into play that actively improve our chances of success compared to a multi-tasking approach.

When you focus on just one thing, everything else fades away
This reminds me a little of the way that gratitude works - when you focus on just being grateful, anger and negativity fade.  Similarly when you focus wholly on choosing a single problem to solve, or action to take, your mind is freed of other cluttering thoughts about other problems, or other choices.  It brings a high level of clarity of thinking to the situation.

One problem is easy to manage
Looking back, I can appreciate how health staff have seen me as an 'emotional family member', even when I didn't see myself that way.  When I tried to discuss 'all the problems' regarding Dad's health and care at once, there were so many, and so many details that it was easy to get overwhelmed by the volume of considerations, and therefore easy to sound stressed and upset.  By contrast, when focusing on just one problem or aspect, it is much easier to sound calm, regardless of how anxious or worried you are on the inside.  

In this same vein, in other life problems, when you see multitudes of problems surrounding you, being overwhelmed can freeze you out of being able to act on any of them.  However focusing on just one problem, or one task is something that is easy to take action on and feel good about quickly.

You get a rewarding sense of accomplishment / finality quite quickly
This is particularly important to me. I'm very much externally motivated, with few internal prompts for action or satisfaction in myself.  I've found that when I focus on single issue items at a time, then I end up with my finality and feedback quite quickly.  Getting a sense of "I did it!" is so rewarding and motivating.  Surprisingly too, realising quickly that something has not worked out or ended the way you hoped is still quite rewarding. It also provides you with a sense of having crossed something off the list, even if the outcome wasn't successful.

Other people have obviously done proper research and noted that:

• Multi-tasking is less efficient, due to the need to switch gears for each new task, and the switch back again.
• Multi-tasking is more complicated, and thus more prone to stress and errors.
• Multi-tasking can be crazy, and in this already chaotic world, we need to reign in the terror and find a little oasis of sanity and calm.
• Our brains can really only handle one thing at a time, and so we get so used to switching between one thing and another with our brains that we program them to have a short attention span. This is why it’s so hard to learn to focus on one thing at a time again. (list sourced from focus: single-tasking and productivity)

My brain is now telling me it is time for sleeping, and being now inept at multitasking, I will end tonight's rambles with a link to the words of someone giving advice about how to give up the multitasking mindset:  Why Single-Tasking Makes You Smarter

Sliding Backwards - weight gain and forgetting the 'no excuses' concept

I've gone from a record low weight to an incredibly high weight, coming almost full circle in the 11 months between Springsteen tours.

This led me to google 'backsliding' - which I never knew was mostly used in relation to Christianity and religion!  However some careful google tweaking and I discovered this wonderful insightful article about weight loss.

The Fat Lady Ain't Sung Yet in which Whitney points out the following truism:

"Baby steps.

Forever and ever and ever… baby steps."

I love the insight in this. When things are going well, it is easy to kid yourself that the journey to no-excuses better health will be a one-way trip to forever losing weight until the magical moment that it is 'perfect'. Reality is that there are always things to learn, and if you don't learn them, then the process might be a bit more topsy-turvy. In fact even if you're a fast learner, circumstances can squish in and sideline you with no warning.  So baby steps.

I know that for me, since the second Springsteen tour, I have been focussing on big life changes, the ones that I didn't tackle last year, because last year I was focussing solely on weight loss, exercise and fitness.  It is so much easier to increase exercise, and much harder to permanently change eating habits for an entire family (or even one person within the family). Last year's efforts were child's play. This year asks so much more of me in terms of organisation, willpower and action.  Going for a walk or exercising is as easy as walking out the front door.  Food on the other hand doesn't just appear in the fridge!

The other thing that happened is that I lost my 'network' of fitness friends, and therefore no-one noticed when I stopped exercising, or talking about the healthy food choices I was making. So I've re-established a connection to the four main exercising / food friends I have and we are keeping an eye on each other. I'm posting updates in my "Get Fit for Bruce" Facebook group.  Keeping that social aspect alive will help safeguard me from future weight gains.

And finally, my habits that create a healthy, organised me.  Blogging, gratitude and keep records through RunKeeper and MyFitnessPal.  Of these, only gratitude survived the great weight gain. If I had to keep only one I'm glad it was gratitude, however now is the time to reinstate my previous habits and keep connected with the world in a reflective way, so I remind myself to always be mindful.  No-one else is ever going to be as mindful of my body and my health as I am.

Such an important lesson in taking good care of ones-self.

Chocolate topping and hindsight

Wow, revisiting my most popular post to date... and discovering it was written at what was a very high point in terms of focus.  So much has changed since then, particularly in the 2 months since Bruce and the E Street Band left the country....

Here's the original post:

Thursday, July 11, 2013Negativity - cured by an Attitude of Gratitude!
Sometimes, despite the best intentions, life fills up with it. Negativity. Maybe that's just *my* life, I don't know. I'm only living mine, so I've got no way to know if its me in particular.
Right now for instance, despite being extremely grateful earlier, and looking on the bright side, I find myself not only frustrated, but angry.
Because I'm fed up with blogging and still managing to get lost and feel like I'm making no progress, I'm going to go over the gratitude exercise again.
Tonight I'm grateful for the nap I had earlier, it was pleasant. I'm grateful for my Brucebud, Maggie, who understands.  I'm grateful for the time to write birthday invitations, and that I can let go of the perfectionist in me and make do with what I have designed. I'm grateful to the phone repairer who fixed my broken phone. I'm grateful to Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band for the inspiration to move, to make no excuses and to get out there and be fit. I've lost 13 kgs and that will never come back, because I'll never make excuses for myself like that again.  I might even get within 5kgs of my goal weight for my birthday of 80kgs! 
I'm grateful for just now remembering to drink water, as it will help make tomorrow a better day. I'm grateful to music, that I'm just about to listen to, while I drink some water, and marvel at how easy it is to turn around a very bad mood and attitude into a relatively pleasant mood and very good attitude.
It seems it is impossible to be angry and grateful at the same time. It seems that when your heart and mind is filled with gratitude, those things and people who make you mad don't matter one zot. 
Which is fine by me!Posted by Kat Smith at 1:39 AM 

I am interested to see that even though at the time I felt thwarted, I can see with hindsight that the feeling was perhaps just the hunger for doing more, doing better that was lighting the fire keeping me going, always losing weight, always eating better, sticking to my goals. Or perhaps it was indeed when things started to unravel for me, as I remember feeling a sense of stagnation that started in July last year.

Despite backsliding with the weight loss considerably, the interesting thing is that now I am beginning to tackle some of my life's bigger problems and big decisions. We've left the too-expensive private school, I've moved Dad into a care home closer to where I live, huge life changes are going on.  Having gained 5 kg in this time is a big deal, but perhaps merely a side effect of my not yet having learnt to juggle significant upheaval in my new routine.  When I reflect on my past efforts at fitness, I do tend to achieve a measure of what should be (according to experts) life time habit and increased fitness....and then maintaining or improving further on that is where I come unstuck. I have done this many times in the past, in many different life situations....so for me the trick is going to be keeping that fire lit under my arse that says "get moving" through all kinds of different circumstances.  Certainly the neck injury in November wiped out my walking, however now I have recurrent pain from that without walking, so I might as well keep up the walking and at least get the exercise and endorphins from doing the beneficial things!

Or as Dory would say:

Swimming in my case involves blogging, being grateful, exercising and eating sensibly. Pretty much everything else at the moment is chocolate topping. I have perhaps spent too much time in chocolate topping. There was some gratifying parts to that experience (the chocolate topping of doing 'all the other things' like the Bruce tour, moving Dad, etc) however overall it has made me feel kind of fat and sticky!

Long time no blog...

Well it has been an interesting few months. If seeing Bruce Springsteen in March 2013 livened up my life and gave me an inward focus on what I need to do for my personal happiness, then seeing him again in February 2014 has had somewhat of the reverse effect, sparking off a course of action that has contributed to the neglect of a few good habits.

I can pinpoint that the demise of all things 'organised' health wise began in November 2013, when a minor car accident led to me suffering whiplash (which has another fancy name that I forget). It was disconcerting to find out that this condition only sets in days after the accident (as mine did) and can take a considerable time to heal :(

Having constantly sore and tense shoulders just does nothing for me. I find it is a bit of a self-sustaining problem, where the pain causes tension that causes more pain.

I have also been busy away from my 'good habits' of blogging, exercise, and gratitude in dealing with hard decisions and making tough choices. Probably still not enough of them, but I'm spending a fair amount of time trying to tie up loose ends and do more than just react to situations as they happen with my father and my own life.

Neglecting to blog and neglecting my health has been a huge blow.  All in all, what I've managed to do through not be vigilant is actually gain considerable weight again.  So I'm now back to heavier than 12 months ago. I do feel that it will be easier to reduce down again, now that I've done it once. Then I close my eyes, feel the pain across the back of my neck and wonder if I'm kidding myself.

I have learnt something however. I have visited my GP twice about feeling I was going the wrong way with my weight loss / fitness and that I was losing my way.  He kept being inanely positive at me. But in the end, I knew in my gut that I was in trouble, that life was butting in too much into my routines, that I was struggling too much with the added pressure of working 3 days per week. I will in future always listen to the part of me that is naggingly certain of impending calamity when it comes to weight.

So my goal for May is to reinstate as many good habits as I can squeeze in.

clutter style

No time for a real blog, but in the meantime this is nifty - http://www.oprah.com/home/Whats-Your-Clutter-Style-Peter-Walsh-Declutter-Tips/3

What is keeping me healthy?

One of the main reasons I came on this month-long tour of Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band around my beautiful country was for the health benefits. I figured that $250 for a 3 hour session of happiness and dancing was a small price to pay, and that last year's benefits in reducing my arthritis would be easily repeated. At the very least I wanted to see if this was so.

I also remembered from previous times away from Tai Chi that I still need to do Tai Chi regularly to maintain a low blood pressure.  So my flights were booked around times I could get to Tai Chi while away. Which as it turns out wasn't enough, as I didn't account for the tiredness, children, heat and time zone differences.

Here are my scribbles about the health changes this trip:

A short update on the health benefits of Bruce and the E Street Band.  I’ve discovered that Bruce’s concerts do amazing things for arthritis.  The swelling of my knuckles has gone down by about 50% since the tour began a week or so ago in Perth.  And the pain I am feeling is from the blisters on my feet, not the tendonitis in my Achilles.  However the busy schedule means that I’ve missed many of my planned Tai Chi sessions, and I’ve noticed that my blood pressure has skyrocketed on this trip.  So the upshot is that Tai Chi still kicks the musical arse for blood pressure reduction, however the energy and excitement of concerts appears to have an incredible affect on my auto-immune disease! The theory that happiness causes healing that I came up with last year is one that will forever stick with me as it is now very obvious to me that a certain level of happiness sends out the right hormones and other chemicals to create a balance in my body that has apparently been sadly lacking, leading to disease.  It is crazy stuff that doctors either don’t know or won’t tell you.  But now I do know and it is up to me to somehow continue this high energy level of happiness once the band leave!

This was during the trip, or just before it. The way my knuckles usually look.

Wow! I am surprised that the swelling in the photos looks the same or similar, as what I see when I am typing is about half as much swelling as usual. And no pain. My hand simply doesn't hurt, it has ceased to be painful and is feeling fine. The swollen part doesn't even hurt. Those happy endorphins must be special, that is my only explanation! I haven't seen my knuckles on that hand for ages, and to be able to see the knuckle bones again is wonderful, all without taking horrible chemotherapy drugs, which is what rheumatologists think I should be taking!

Life Changing Music

I don’t know how others experience Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, but for me it is like the biggest party possible, strangely combined with freakishly transcendental moments that spring from unlikely corners and alter the course of my life.

Thus far I've been to 5 concerts and experienced 3 instances of having a ‘moment’ of sudden life-changing realisation mid-song.  Not to mention the energised motivation to exercise!

The first time was my first concert, during We Are Alive.  I’ve already blogged about the incredible removal of terror of mortality from my life, thanks to Bruce’s stark lyrics.

In Melbourne 2013 night 2, something else shifted for me, when I realised I could let go of sadness from my past and live wholly in the now. I didn't even realise I was holding on to past hurts!

Last night was another moment. During Shackled and Drawn I finally realised that the place I want to work is in aged care. I have a passion not just for the dignity and care of my own father, but for the dignity of all older people, especially those who cannot advocate for themselves.  I have a whole field to go explore when I get home.  The perfect starting point as the service I found to look after Dad while I am away. 

The music and the performance by Bruce and the band go beyond what I can describe. It just is.  And I get to do it all again tonight, although sadly from the distance of a seat.  Still count myself extremely fortunate.

A Tale of Two Hats - my first GA queue so far...

It has been a beautiful day in Perth, glorious sunshine, a touch on the warm side at 37 degrees.  My head is spinning from the 'double life' I've been leading for the past two days. That of wife and mother on a family holiday, uncomfortably juxtaposed with that of a Springsteen fan whose dreams of getting a close to the stage pit number have come true.  Firstly, I am extremely shocked at my apparent success at achieving number 36 in line, despite the good planning and careful consideration that went into my decision making.  I traveled across the country, with a plan in mind to make an effort for this one, it was clearly a good plan, and yet I remain stunned and somewhat stupified at what is about to happen tomorrow!

But to continue with the story thus far....

Our family holiday began with a late afternoon drive to Brisbane airport, followed by what I suppose ought to be called an uneventful and successful flight, although what stands out in my mind is the unprecendented level of distraction, vague and disorganisation on my part.  I left all the nappies in the checked baggage!!! For a 5 hour flight at night this is absolute insanity.  Luckily there were two toddlers on the plane and the couple beside me who clearly thought we were stark raving mad for the capacity to forget something as simple as the nappies were nice enough not to say so, and generously handed over one of their ample supply.  So we survived the flight pretty well after that, I got to watch half a movie (The Butler), after starting 3 others without much success, while sitting perched on the edge of my seat while my very tall toddler stretched her little toes out behind my arse.


After landing things got weird.  My hubby and I have travelled a reasonable amount together with children. We have some routines. Arriving in Perth changed it all, right from the beginning. We had a non-Bruce fan collecting hubby and children - I deposited them in the car and told them I'd see them soon, and myself was collected by Karen, a long time Bruce fan and local.  I was suddenly ripped from the quite demanding familiarity of family travel into 'lone woman concert-going queue forming' mode.  I think I spent the whole trip from the airport to the city in a daze of disorientated unfamiliarity at the sudden right turn my holiday took, before I'd even arrived at my hotel!  Which is my reason for not getting a happy snap of the midnight moment (or 2 am for those of us still working on Qld time) when I received the nikko number on my hand of 36.  This number apparently will get you up against the stage, provided you don't want to be in the middle. Apparently that is where the first 15 -25 people fit.  This information is important I'm sure.  Stunned I let the explanation wash over me, this was the beginning of the slow creeping of the hugeness of this number business.

And then I spent until 4 am Brisbane time, or later resettling tired but excited children, one by one into bed again before collapsing in a heap myself. To be woken only 3 or 4 hours later by one excited boy, ready to start his Western Australian adventure!

I did pretty well all day yesterday considering my sleep of less than 4 hours. A lot of quiet conversations with my children about holiday ettiquette (not hollering every little thing like we do at home for example). We found the shops to stock up on food. I scooted off to roll call on the way back, momentarily immersing in the world of Springsteen before a visit from a childhood friend, then suddenly another roll call!  A long gap between 1pm and 8pm meant that we were able to spend some family time, but it went quickly between napping (baby and hubby, not me) and dinner.  Suddenly there were 3 awake tired children (after a late afternoon play in the water fountain!) and I was again out the door to this 'Bruce thing'. That is how it was feeling at that point.

While the other fans wandered away in groups to have drinks and late dinners, I rushed back to take in hand the sleep situation for little folk.  Grab a bite to eat and then finally blessed sleep.

Until 6am again.  Today I was better prepared and the big kids went with hubby to the water fountain first thing, as well as a bit of other exploring in the city.  Then I was trying to join them with the toddler, but suddenly it was roll call time, and my baby and I just rode a bus there and back again in the end - we got close to meeting up with the family, but had to turn around to come back to the Arena.

By which point I didn't care much about where I stood in the pit, as long as I got to do something that gave me an indication I was on the opposite side of the continent. I was impatient to 'holiday'.

A change to roll call times interfered with this, momentarily, but I rose to the challenge and between hubby and I we made new family plans between roll calls for the afternoon. We even got some schoolwork done!

Excited I left first for 2pm roll call, and even began to think about this 'front row' position thing a little bit. Enough to be scared of it!  Or thoroughly alarmed at the proximity to Bruce and the band.  And the length of time without a toilet break.  Also there was a rumour about no water bottles.  Which might sound like a good thing, given my other concern, but having a water bottle when a concert gets into its second hour without pause is about when taking small sips from a water bottle is necessary.  I do not see a little cup of water lasting 2 hours plus in a pit full of excited fans.  I see us all having dry throats and wet feet.  Ha! that's my big prediction for tomorrow, right there.

Things seemed timed to perfection when hubby called me to tell me he was on the bus about to go past the arena!  I quickly hopped on and our little family were on an adventure to the Museum.

We stopped to take a look at the recreated wetland area and frog habitat, and to play music in the amazing playground outside the museum entry.  These were wonderful, impromptu family moments.
Inside the museum was one of those times of enduring the torture of having three children.  It is glorious and insane.  One was desperately unhappy with her inability to weave a spider's web (sounds funny when you read it, but you'll have to trust me it was not); another declared about 3 rooms of Western Australian History, Rocks and Minerals and bird life 'boring'; and then there was the showdown over the interactive educational game.  We all survived, and amazingly even saw things.  Just not very many!  The highlights were watching the frogs be fed crickets, seeing a Mummified Tasmanian Tiger from the mainland over 4,000 years old and coming face to face with a taxidermied American Bison!  Many other things may have been highlights, given the opportunity to see them!  Given the chaos, I'm quite chuffed that we managed to salvage what we did!

A wardrobe emergency saw me return to the apartment with hot exhausted children while hubby shopped, followed by him BBQing our dinner while I cooked veggies.  The moment he was done cooking outside though, it was roll call again!  I rushed out before dinner and made it to the line.  Then rushed back to get children tired out and to bed.

This was one of my favourite parts of the day.  As they'd already eaten while I was gone, as soon as I cooled down a few degrees, we went out to explore. It was 7:15 and the free CAT buses had stopped, so we took a walk to the park across the street.

Expanses of green grass gave us an enjoyable shoes off run, the children found a challenging playground, I really enjoyed helping them conquer new equipment that stretched their physical limits and helped them overcome fears and uncertainties.  The most generous gift from hubby today was 15 minutes mostly uninterrupted in this park so that I could do a set of Tai Chi. Usually on a Tuesday I do 2 two hour classes, so one set while away was a luxury. The weather was just gorgeous and the grass soft and ground flat.  I felt the inner peace coming back.

We are geocachers from a long way back, so given a city park of this size we decided to look and see if we could find our first Western Australian cache while we were there.  It was hilarious watching our eldest two children with the very bouncy inaccurate GPS walking in circles and cutting jagged corners trying to find this cache.  Even more amusing was the loud and bumbling way all 5 of us stumbled across 3 innocent looking folk quite close. None cachers are called Muggles and we'd just run into some while two children are yelling about the cache and where it was!  Lucky for us, they were not muggles and were kind enough to give the kids a few big hints about how to find it!!

We all had a terrific, relaxing time just hanging out together on that walk and it really set the tone for a relatively easy routine to get to bed, although I was still cutting it very fine running out the door at 9:40 with a phone charged to only 20%.

Tonight was my first non-queuing Bruce socialising with a quick drink across the road before the role call (I walked fast and the drink was imaginary!)  Then another tiny bite of socialising afterwards and back to here I came, approaching the unit door to the sound of high pitched wailing from the littlest wanting her Mummy.

And there is still tomorrow to get through!!!