3 months of bloggy goodness - Exercise Update

I am reading that heading and I'm thinking 'soggy' goodness, like cereal when it’s been sitting long enough to lose its crunch! Certainly the first half or more of my time blogging has been 'soggy' here; it even rained again today, though thankfully only a light shower!

I'm not having a lot of new thoughts to share at the moment, but I am thinking quite a lot about my progress or lack thereof. And thus this post is born, a bit of a recap of all the things. As it turned out, my recap was quite extensive, so here is the exercise instalment! More to follow!

Exercise and health

Why?
The last time I was a healthy weight was about 7 years ago, since then I was plagued with mostly auto-immune health concerns. Two years ago while pregnant it was discovered that I had high blood pressure. Everything turned out fine with the pregnancy, and my blood pressure did the expected dropping after bub was born, however my Dad was re-admitted to hospital three months later and my blood pressure hasn't recovered!

What?
I have spent the last 18 months or so concentrating on improving my health. In February 2012 I began Tai Chi classes to assist my pain from psoriatic arthritis and my hypertension. Tai Chi was brilliant, and still is, however I managed to gain 10kgs in December while sitting at Dad's hospital bedside, which prompted a visit to my GP and a renewed effort specifically for weight loss to improve my blood pressure. I did excellently for the first few weeks, losing 5kgs and getting a cholesterol reading of 3.5. The next few weeks proved harder and I was feeling a little bit desperate, when along came my first Bruce Springsteen concert! Especially since seeing Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band in Melbourne last month I have been a woman possessed with a need to get on with my life as healthily as I possibly could, with no excuses. I was inspired to reach my goal of weighing 90kgs by the end of this month (today). While this goal appears to have eluded me, the scales are stubbornly saying I've lost only 2 of the required 5kgs in the past 6 weeks, I have continued to exercise, walking almost every day for half an hour.

What I've learned!
The benefits I’ve noticed are simply terrific, and I've learnt some things along the way too. For starters, I've always hated runners or joggers, and preferred to walk in sandals than in a closed in shoe. That is until I bought a pair of 'reef boots' on the cheap. I am now firmly of the belief, that regardless of whether they're designer expensive trendy new 'ultra-thin-sole' runners or cheapies like mine, that the best shoes in the world are the 'barely there' variety. Of course your mileage may vary, but they're worth checking out!

It really helps to get a decent song mix for the time you spend exercising, obviously at the moment I'm listening to Bruce Springsteen, but anything you find uplifting that gets you inspired to lift your feet higher, move faster and generally pump out that energy! Speaking of which, today marked the latest instalment of Bruce Springsteen concerts in Oslo.  This seems to have made me a little bit lighter on my feet, even though I am not going to any of them!

I've also learned that exercise affects a whole lot more than your body size and shape. The changes I've noticed in myself go across the whole spectrum of being human! And they're all beneficial!

Benefits of Exercise

• I am much happier and calmer. It is considerably easier to be calmer now that I exercise regularly. I am surprised at how much easier it is for me to be polite and reasonable in stressful situations, and how I am far less ruffled than usual! Exercise really seems to help with keeping cool emotionally.
• Many people seem to think I've lost weight, so I'll take that. It seems that either muscle really does weigh more than fat, or I'm simply a nicer shape for the walking.
• I have more energy for playing with my children
• I can now run, jog and jump - I couldn't do those things at the beginning of the year
• My arthritis is far less inhibiting. The joints that are severely affected (right Achilles and left wrist) are still agonising frequently, but I just carry on through the pain, take the occasional paracetamol and don't give in to the temptation to feel disabled.
• My psoriasis is far less present. I've had psoriasis for 5 years now, and it is quite extensive, all over my arms and legs mostly. The psoriasis on my arms is now almost gone (just scarring) and on my legs is quite mild compared to just a few months ago. It leads me to wonder if exercise plays a significant part in maintaining a healthy immune system. It’s certainly not something my rheumatologist mentioned, but perhaps something as simple as exercise does not pay for her contribution to scientific research with drug trials!
• Gone are the excuses for not exercising! There are no 'reasons' for not exercising, only excuses! If you are injured, seek rehab, if you have limitations, set out to break them or at least bend them with professional help! I am finding I am also slowly eradicating excuses from other areas of my life, in fact I feel another Jedi post coming up based on Yoda's "Do or do not, there is not TRY"
• Much as I lament the brown snakes, hills and crooked footpaths, I really do love my neighbourhood and walking under the stars in my streets is a precious gift, that I am fortunate enough to live somewhere so nice, safe and friendly. I'm not so sure about the reptilian population though.

Where to from here?
I am going to keep up the walking, increase the Tai Chi, and spend some of my effort on consulting a personal trainer to make sure I'm doing everything I can and should to get as healthy as possible, as quickly as possible. I still have the goal of 80kgs before the end of winter. Apparently healthy weight for me is ten more kilos lighter again, but I'll see how I go getting to that first goal. If we could afford it, I'd be taking the family skiing this year, so that might yet happen, we will see how budgeting fares!

 

Shackled and Drawn and lost for words.

What can I say about Shackled and Drawn except that we all feel that way at some point? Isn't it a universal concept of being stuck in a repetitive rut that never ends?

What I find absolutely wonderful again is the uplifting music, the infectious need to dance (and to attempt to dance like Bruce) and the energy the song inspires, along with the memories of Bruce playing games with the audience, having us repeat the variations of the opening sounds until it just got silly :)

The pounding beat is terrific for motivation when exercising too, its one of my favourites for pushing through the tiredness towards the end of my walks.

My youngest loves dancing to this one especially, my eldest is learning the words so she can sing it to me, my husband whistles it and my son seems to manage to learn the words although he swears he doesn't like it (which doesn't explain him dancing like a crazy dude with us when its on!).

As you can see, I'm running out of words when it comes to Springsteen songs, probably because as time passes from the concerts, my feelings have become more complex and my understanding (and lack thereof) has become deeper.  The whole band's contribution to each and every song performed live is amazing. I am in awe of all people who can put to words and music so much emotion, to tell stories and to inspire and motivate and heal with their gifts.

Thank you Bruce and the E Street Band!

Pocket money aka lets bribe the children

I have mixed feelings about pocket money. Some of these come from longstanding issues with my own childhood, and others from a reflection of what pocket money should be a reflection of in a child's life.  I was never given regular pocket money, and continued to resent this into adulthood. I really felt like I had missed out.  On the other hand, I am concerned (and rightly so) that linking pocket money to behaviour is a slipperly slope of bribing children into the behaviour we'd like to see, rather than taking more time to help them understand responsibility and respect.  Nor do I personally like the idea of pocket money for no effort whatsoever.

In our house we have tried various pocket money / behaviour systems including star charts links to positive outcomes when reaching a goal; star charts linked directly to dollar amounts (e.g. 1 star = 1 dollar); pocket money for jobs completed and a set roster of jobs for a set amount of money.  None of these have worked for us in the long term.

The reasons for their failure are varied but probably fall into the following two issues:

• we were not consistent either in our approach or in handing out money earned at the right time, or in suggesting jobs so that pocket money came regularly
• bargaining got out of hand - with poor boundaries we ended up using stars as the go-to for all discipline. This is an ongoing problem in our household, as hubby tends to escalate any situation!

Another one of the amazing things that happened to our family during the Springsteen Melbourne trip was visiting my friend at home after the concerts.  In her house, I noticed a blackboard with pocket money, as well as ticks and crosses on the board.

Curious, I asked her how the system worked for her and if she could explain it.  Fascinated I learnt the following:

• Each child has a set amount of weekly money allotted to them, say $5.
• This amount requires them to do some jobs around the house (we didn't go into the details)
• The ticks were for when the child did something without being asked, or something extra special.
• Crosses happened if the child dragged their feet at doing tasks expected of them or particularly poor behaviour.
• For each tick an extra dollar was given out, and for crosses, a dollar taken away.

Something about this system just clicked with me, and I started it the day we arrived home from holidays. So far it has been going exceptionally well.

I think the reasons for its success are the boundaries and certainties inherent in the system, for both children and parents.  For example, our son who is 5, currently gets $3 a week as his starting money.  As parents, we don't want to give him nothing each week, so we are very circumspect about giving out crosses to him, and very conscious that because he can have outbursts of 5 year old behaviour, we need to encourage him with earning extra ticks (to counter any potential crosses he might build up!)   As parents we don't want to allow our children to build up an extreme amount of ticks in one week, so we are tweaking the 'expected jobs for basic money' to fit in with a fair amount of responsibility.  In our house that isn't very much, it is little things like getting dressed and waiting at the front door for school the first time we ask in the morning instead of the 50th!

Our big children are excited and happy to be saving their money up for treats, and so far we have been regular with pocket money on a Saturday morning because it is an easy day to duck out and get whatever change is needed, plus we always have Sunday up our sleeve if we stuff up on Saturday!!!

I am not as neat and organised as my friend with the pretty blackboard - here is our chart!

This week has been not as easy on our eldest, but looking at the chart, as parents, we know we can encourage some behaviours to get those ticks back there, and be aware to be less 'reactive' as parents and not give out any more crosses - helps keep our boundaries and prevents us from going overboard using the pocket money as a significant discipline / bribery technique.  I'm cautiously happy having pocket money bribery in the parenting toolbox so to speak, but not so keen on it being our primary parenting tool!

Before writing this post, I did a quick scan of the information in cyberspace about pocket money.  The gist of the information 'out there' is that everyone agrees money handling skills such as budgeting, saving, goal achievement, responsibility and more.  Questions of whether work should be done to earn pocket money, and what children are expected to pay for are tactfully left as an individual family decision :)  For me, I am hoping we have found the balance in our household and this system will continue to work in a balanced way.

Interestingly I also found this page with links to pocket money apps. I've never used an app for pocket money, can't imagine doing so now, but you might like to check it out - 5 Free Allowance Apps.

I also particularly like this article, discussing how our children have a tendency to expect things for free!  My middle child is in danger of this, owing to some compensating issues the hubby doesn't seem ready to shake.  I am hoping this pocket money system will at least provide some counterpoint to the issue of it 'raining free toys' as sometimes happens here :(

What you think will happen, does!

I'm incredibly shocked at how pervasive this truth is.  Yesterday was one of those days, I woke up out of sorts, found fault with many things, had a few things go wrong, and was in an established bad mood before even getting in the car for school drop-off. After that it was an uphill battle to find the good in the day!

And what a day it turned out to be! Despite a very enjoyable hour in the middle of the day with my good friend and toddler listening to, discussing and dancing to all things Springsteen (and Pete Murray), it wasn't long before one more inconvenience threw me for six again!

In the end, I realised that I just needed to get through the day, any which way, and I gave myself permission to just let it go. I ate junk food and didn't exercise.  Not because I can afford to do that, but because I realised I would start the next day knowing I needed to exercise even more!

One thing I managed to do, was make a simple change to improve my morning, with hubby doing school drop-off before work. This made all the difference this morning, and I woke up in a great deal of pain (negativity breeds pain for auto-immune disease, I'm sure), but didn't let it get to me, I've taken paracetamol and done 15 minutes Tai Chi and the pain is almost gone!

I'm so glad that I was able to let go of yesterday, make some improvements that I felt would give today more chance at being positive, and so far, at 8:30am, its looking like being an altogether pleasant and productive day!

As I type this I am realising, that despite my awful mood yesterday, I still strived, almost all day, to see the positive, to create solutions.  They may not have worked yesterday, but those positive thoughts did pave the way for today to work out better, I gave myself a chance to make sure today was going to be ok!  Not only with school drop-off, but I made plans to go to a playgroup this morning, and have been thinking good things about that since yesterday afternoon. I've been thinking positive about school pick-up time, seeing the good in it rather than the inconvenience of lugging my poor toddler about in and out of the car.  I also held onto my 'integrity' - this kept me centred, despite feeling out of control at times!

It takes repetitive, consistent, and even more repetitive positive attitude sometimes. And we can't be constantly happy, sometimes we get sad, or mad; but the backbone of believing and self-talk that positive things are possible, and are even happening right now makes all the difference, sometimes not immediately, but the more 'looking on the bright side' the more likely that the happy will return more quickly after a bad moment / day. I need to remember the bright side side!

There  will be more to come about the positive, solution oriented attitude. It makes all the difference! 

Today is wonderful. My daughter is dancing to Bruce Springsteen, and I am 900 grams off my goal weight for April :)

The Jedi art of Under-reacting

I realised the other day that one of the biggest contributors to my stress level was my own reaction to potentially stressful events and news. Confronted with any hint of bad news I tend to immediately and unknowingly spend quite a few moments dramatising the problem. By dramatising I mean focussing on it, extrapolating the first information out into the future implications as though all possible negative outcomes were absolutely going to come to pass.  After that I have even developed the habit of laying blame for the problem, wasting time identifying how and why the problem even occurred.

For example when my husband recently came home from a job interview with the news  that he was starting work next week; my immediate reaction was dismay that his first day of work was going to be the very day after my own first day back in 2 years.  I wasted valuable time and energy worrying about how I'd cope looking after our young toddler after a long day at work, and then doing it again all week, as well as doing all the school drop offs and pick ups. What I said to my husband wasn't 'oh great you managed to get my workday off'; but 'why did you arrange to start the day after me?'  I turned his good news into a negative, and triggered off panic-hormones that have serious consequences for my autoimmune disease. 

It might seem simple to you reading that this wasn't the perfect or even a moderately reasonable way to react to his good news, but it is a terrific example of being stuck in the rut of negativity!

How did I change this?   I wanted to be all Jedi like, and not flapping around in a panic.  You know, like Yoda, with all that little Jedi dude Hmm Hmm'ing?  I especially like this quote too:

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. --YODA, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Well, I realised that the way to Jedi under-reacting enlightenment was to IMMEDIATELY look to the solutions and waste not a moment on the problem.  Or, turn away from the fears and focus on the hope.  I've been trying this for a few days and seeing a remarkable difference!!

When it came to the potential exhaustion of working all week between us, as soon as I began to think positively about the solutions I realised that this week is not a full working week, as in Australia we have a public holiday on April 25th, for ANZAC day, which means that despite potential tiredness on Tuesday and Wednesday, I will get a 'holiday' on Thursday, an extra day of not worrying about school runs, lunches and early mornings.  I was so happy to apologise for my negativity and to let my husband know that it was all going to turn out fine this week,with an extra day off for our first week!  The change in how I physically felt when thinking positive was obvious, I was smiling, I felt taller and less hunched, I believed in myself more, I didn't have chest pains from tensing up, and I've had so much more energy since taking this 'solution focus' on board.

One positive thought led to another, and I've made plans to have my friend look after the small person so that I can still do my Tai Chi class on Tuesday; again giving me a bit of a break and a chance to catch up for a cuppa as well!

So my newest lesson is that of focussing on the solution, not the problem. It is amazing how this simple change of focus can make such a huge difference emotionally and physically. I also hope to be re-teaching my children a new way to look at problems, to worry less and enjoy the moment, including all the little hurdles that cross our paths.

Perhaps, if I'm lucky, the new attitude and way of working will rub off on my husband, who tonight gave a brilliant demonstration of 'problem focus' - I was very happy to be able to stay calm and centred and quietly point out the communication misunderstanding when he was ready to think about solutions :)



 

Motivational Thursday - Prepare for the weekend!

As my Thursday comes to an end, I'm setting myself an hour to prepare for the weekend and make the most of the inspiration of the original "motivational Thursday"

In that hour I'm going to spend 15 minutes giving the house a general once-over. Tidying up, making sure lunchboxes and clothes are ready for tomorrow, sweep the floors if I get time.

Then I'm spending 15 minutes going over what the amazing Flylady calls 'Hotspots' where all the junk of your universe collects. I'm going to honour myself by targetting those spots! For me that is the bottom of my stairs, the hallway and the kitchen table. There are more but I think those 3 will take me 15 minutes!

My last half hour is going to be spent going for a 15 minute walk to make sure that I'm physically energised and ready for the weekend, as well as renewing all the good exercise hormones!

Finally I'm going to spend 15 minutes doing something I thoroughly enjoy, for the sake of fun. It will probably be crochet as I'm almost done on another hat and would like to finish it.

I really need a good hat photographer!

 

A short blog tonight, but one that inspires and motivates I hope. Try taking one hour to nourish yourself and your environment. Be prepared (15 minutes tidy), honour yourself (clean hotspots), honour your body (exercise) and take time to nourish your spirit by doing something you love.

Happy Motivational Thursday!

Add in what you want ... in life!

A wise friend once said this to me regarding changing my dietary habits for the better.  I was concerned with how to manage the daunting prospect of attempting a raw food based diet.  She simply said "Don't focus on taking out the wrong foods, just add in the good foods."

It occurs to me that this is a terrific motto for all aspects of life.  Forget what isn't working, ignore it.  Focus on what does work, what nourishes, inspires and leaves you feeling good. Do that more. And things will naturally improve. 

I have been following this advice with my diet for over a year and for the most part, despite many difficult circumstances, including times when I felt like we lived off takeaway food, I still would make the effort to add in my leafy green Kale (super leaf for my arthritis) and Cos and other salad.  Overall, with the exception of 6 weeks when Dad was in hospital over summer, my improvements to diet have been consistent, so much so that as I snack now I automatically go to add Kale! I almost made myself a jam sandwich twice today (normally I don't even eat bread) and both times have stopped myself and grabbed Kale instead. Sure, I buttered the bread (another thing that I almost never do), but at least along with the bad food, I've given myself two serves of vitamin goodness.

While advocating for my Dad over and over again with new nurses, new doctors, and then repeating the entire process upon his return to the nursing home, I realise now that the technique I've learnt is much the same.  There is only a limited time when you have these healthcare providers ear, before their other demands take them away. I've learnt to focus on what I want most during that tiny window of opportunity, and to hell with other, small issues. Most of all, I try to refrain from comment about what I do not like. It just doesn't wash.  If they have been lax in looking after his hygiene, but there is a much greater concern about whether he needs oxygen assistance, then I stick to querying his breathing.  Eventually the other factors are resolved.  Its the biggest, most important and critical stuff I want them to pay attention to first.

I know it has worked in my household cleaning. As long as I'm realistic and remember that I need to pay attention to the whole house sometimes, there has been some real consistency happening in the last couple of years with making new habits around the kitchen, laundry and floors.

This doing more of what you want to see more of works for exercise too, particulary with me now that I've been inspired by the workout of dancing at a concert for 3 hours (twice!) I am finding it very easy to get out there and get more exercise with walking, jumping, jogging, whatever I can fit into the busy days.

Most of all, I think that seeing as I am dreaming of a beach holiday, I should make the most of the beach that is nearby and visit more often.  Perhaps  that will help manifest one further afield.  If not, at least I'll have enjoyed the local beaches!

I challenge you to this month, and until the end of May, find one area of your life where you can 'add in' something you desire, simply by prioritising it and adding it in right now! 

We Take Care of Our Own - Yes, thats what I'm doing

I first saw Bruce Springsteen and the incredible E Street Band on 14 March this year, in Brisbane, the very first of the Australian nights.  The concert opened with "We Take Care of Our Own", and the magic that avid fans know well had begun.  Part of it is the amazing sounds of the E Street Band, part of it the pure Springsteen voice. 

I was lucky enough to hear this song again in Melbourne on 26 March, this time 2nd up, after a resounding 'Badlands' with full lights on in the arena.

But it wasn't until tonight that I could put words to the effect that "We Take Care of Our Own" has on me. Aside from energising me thoroughly - I jogged for the first time in about a decade this evening - this song summed up the situation I find myself in with my father in multiple ways.

Tonight, for me, it meant we're living in a totally screwed up world, where our values are up to shit, as my Dad is now fond of saying whenever he's ill.

It means fighting the system to be able to take care of my Dad.

Which is why this post is not longer. I may be busy away from blogging and twitter for a little while, taking care of one of my own.

Keeping up the positive Energy - Day 2

Today was again very taxing in terms of assisting and advocating for Dad in hospital.  It was also the last day of the school holidays, and neither of my schoolchildren are fans of school. So an important day to get right for the family.

And fortunately it turned out well. A good night's sleep went a long way to keep me functioning today, as did the excellent meals my hubby provided.  After that it was all about emotional energy, knowing when to push myself and knowing when I needed to just stop.

In terms of overall inspiration / working out a strategy to use in the future, I haven't had much time or opportunity to contemplate how to improve my emotional resilience, but today I did get it mostly right. I also found this extremely apt link in my facebook feed tonight, about how to assist someone through illness or crisis. The premise of which is to send only comfort in the direction of the people in the midst of the problem.  I'm close to the middle of my Dad's health concerns, so its a warning message to me to avoid people who can't help  but throw their issues in my face when it isn't an appropriate time.  I think that concept goes into the 'think about it later' basket as its a very important concern and relevant to how I cope emotionally when under pressure.

If there was a big lesson I feel I learnt today, it would be to let the emotions out, the raw emotions, the tears. I was only able to do that with the help of some incredibly enthusiastic people on Facebook. I asked the Bruce Springsteen fans group page this question:

so I need some info.. whats your favourite uplifting Springsteensong for ultra stressed days?




The replies are still coming in, but the very first, lightning fast response was "Trapped" I'm sure Trapped is about a relationship, but the concept of being utterly trapped is relevant here. There is no way I'd leave Dad to face the haphazard care of random doctors without a voice  to explain to them all the things that need explaining in ways that he can no longer articulate.  Trapped brought tears to my eyes, and a melancholy relief that it was a temporary situation.

And then there were more replies, and I felt surrounded by the helpfulness and friendliness as well as some terrific music.  Soon my hubby was playing the Jethro Tull song, "loccomotive breath" that he felt suited his mood.  And my family were ready and out the door to visit the beach, with all of us feeling happy and light, despite the circumstances.  Sometimes its about letting the feelings feel.

Hubby has really done his bit with juggling the caring for children, also advocating for Dad, and thinking ahead (normally not his strong suit!). He'd picked a beachside waterpark for our afternoon adventure and soon everyone was having a great time! 

I had three walks along the beach and foreshore with family in tow. One evening walk where the big children had fun being 'ghosts' and saying "boo" from behind trees.   We all relaxed and enjoyed our last day of holidays, even though the outing started late, it was thoroughly enjoyed and we did not miss out entirely on the beautiful sunshine today.

Sunset listening to the ocean was a welcome relaxation and we arrived home with sleeping children to find that Dad's condition has improved marginally.  Which leaves us at least relaxed and ready to organise ourselves for the big school adventure to start again tomorrow.

Keeping the positive energy up - Part 1

Its times like these that blogging really helps. My Dad is back in hospital, and this time my level of preparation as far as advocating for him is concerned, is very high. I am prepared for doctors to have no idea of his recent health, or his drug allergies, normal behaviour or ability to eat, walk and communicate.  I saw this quote tweeted today, and it is very suitable in this situation:

One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation. - Arthur Ashe

Realising you are in a different place to the people trying to help and being able to gently let them see their information is, to put it bluntly, hopelessly wrong, is a neat trick. So I feel like this time I've been able to help Dad far more than in recent hospital visits.  This is good.

What has been a fairly big downer is the overall emotional impact. I realise after this episode of drama-filled days, that I need to insulate myself better emotionally, or develop a better emotional fix-up strategy.  Or something!

I haven't had much time to research, but my thoughts are that what I have is an overload in my system from the 'bad adrenaline' of being told "Your father's been rushed to hospital, his vital signs are bad!" among other negative and stressful things in the past 48 hours.  On a side note, in 2 years of caring for Dad, I've only ever heard "vital signs" used on a TV show, and as it happens, there was nothing especially alarming about Dad's blood pressure or oxygen saturation levels. They were not perfect, but they did not inspire the kind of panic that being told 'vital signs are bad' causes!  This seems to me to be almost malicious on the part of the nurse giving my sister that message, but I digress.

Stressful couple of days, no end of stressfulness in sight as hospital visits tend to be non-stop shift changing advocacy head-against-brick-wall days and nights. Then, just when you relax, they send him back to the nursing home and there is another round of draining advocacy to make sure they give him the extra care temporarily. So generally its a long haul of extra time, physical and emotional energy outlay.

For which, despite having done it before, I am simply NOT prepared.  Those stress hormones deplete my happy hormone stash, bring a load of extra toxins as by products into my system and swim around having a negtivity party.  This is not on, and I'm out to change it, today, right now would be perfect.

As you do when you're feeling stuck, I phoned a friend.  She made the excellent point about dealing with stressful reactions and worries.  She said just don't let the thoughts take over, think about other things.  My brain flip/flopped and translated that to a message for myself to not try to stop having stressed out thoughts, but to simply go out of my way to have positive happiness reinforcing thoughts. 

Unless of course, like me, you are totaly exhausted. In that case, stop writing the therapeutic blog and sleep.

My City Of Ruins - Uplifting, Yes it is!

I realise now that one of the things, perhaps the most important thing, about Bruce Springsteen that resonates with me is the way he celebrates misery.

That sounds a bit harsh doesn't it? I think it is justified, and not at all negative. There are people who need to wallow into their grief, to enlarge their troubles to larger-than-life experiences and who find comfort in the ability to revel in the hard times.

In my own experience I am happiest when my happiness is so all-encompassing that I could burst. And if I must be sad, or angry, then I want to live it big too.

My City of Ruins encompasses all that for me. Haven't we all experienced that moment of:

"My soul is lost my friend. Now tell me how do I begin again?"

I know I have.

And then, in the live performance, who can argue with all that "Rise Up" going on? Between the sax and the vocals there's no arguing with the persuasive urgency to join in, rise up and join in to celebrate the ghosts.

"Are we missing anybody now?" is followed by the eerie silence of the entire band and audience stilling, to take a moment to feel the ghosts. The respectful silence of the arena, until Springsteen speaks those words "let me hear you" is masterfully orchestrated, and the energy created by those moments shared stillness is intense.

When he sings "My City's in Ruins, you know he's not talking about a physical city" it is so apparent that the grief is deeply felt.

I take comfort too in that those who've passed have 'made that change of town now'.  For me that brings more peace than any other way of expressing the change from the physical to the spiritual.  Or perhaps it is just hearing Bruce Springsteen say it that makes it ok. The longer that passes since his concert, the more I realise that he is a master magician, weaving his craft of musical magic through the audience. The words are important, yes, but so is the man speaking them.

 




Links to my previous Springsteen posts here:
We Are Alive
My Tour Experience
Energy Much?
Motivational Thursday

Setting Achievable Goals - Life lesson Day 3

I've been very pleased with myself since the great Thursday of happiness (aka motivational Thursday) Since then, less than a month ago, I have managed to transform the look of 2 rooms that we use every day, the entry and E's space.

This week I've started on a third project, the 'Front Room'. This room used to be the living room. At one stage, when our roof was leaking and yet to be repaired, it was our bedroom and living room, many years ago. Now it has given itself over the main residence of the decrepit cat of all blindness. He hangs on in this little spot, we've kicked the children out of the room, so the TV went back upstairs and its no longer the living room. In a stroke of opportunistic genius, I've decided to transform it into my husband's 'cave', alongside the cat :)

However before I can get carried away with the idea of a home to put the thousand screwdrivers, nuts, bolts and other man-stuff that hubby leaves lying around all over the house; the whole room needs a thorough cleanup. A daunting task, as its been allowed to turn into a bit of a cesspit in recent months.

I spent a few days pottering, using the simple principle of leaving the room better than I found it, and not achieving a great deal. I really had no idea where to start. The solution came to me more as a desperate idea than a full-blown certainty. In order to give myself somewhere to simply BEGIN, I decided to break the cleaning down into sections. Normally I'd clean the floors first, but in this situation that seemed pointless as the floors were basically acquiring flotsam from the junk falling off the piled up surfaces. So I took my phone and photographed every surface area that was junked up. Sadly on its last legs (like the cat), my phone managed to make every photo a hazy milky tone. Here's an example:

It does a wonderful job of highlighting the junk, even with the surreal effect.

Surprisingly, as soon as I'd taken the photos, I was resolved to tackle all the surfaces first, and to finish as many as possible today. I remarked that it would be a miracle if I got through them all.

I should have had more faith because as I write this, all 5 areas of the room that were the same and worse than this have been totally cleaned off. The Wrecking Ball soundtrack helped, and it took the entire album to get through it all. I have one tiny nemesis of paperwork and fiddly rubbish in the bottom of the green 'Trofast' drawer in this picture. After finishing this blog, I'll be working on that till bedtime!

I've exceeded my expectations for the day, all by simply breaking down the job into smaller pieces that were not so daunting. There were still hurdles along the way, and plenty of interruptions and breaks. Having the photographs helped to keep me focussed on how I'd progressed, and finishing off one discreet area at a time was terrific motivation to move on to the next area and the next. I even did a lot of bargaining with myself, deciding I was going to stop when I finished the top of the bookcase, and was so inspired by finishing that I kept going and started on the couch, then moved on to everywhere else!

Even the deep freezer had a mountain of stuff piled on it.

Now I'm feeling invincible and ready to have the whole room spick and span tomorrow, ready for its new life as the 'cave'!

 

We put up these little storage racks in a random spot temporarily as having them in use somewhere was better than all the component parts lying around :) Plus they are now filled with things, mostly all the tiny bits of Lego lying around.

And the most wonderful bonus of the exercise was that I found the first ring hubby ever bought me, it is more sentimental than my wedding and engagement rings and had been missing for over a year!

I haven't set the goals for tomorrow's instalment yet, but I'm sure that making the job smaller with manageable sections will be the backbone of how I get through it!

Getting off my arse! Inspired to Exercise!

You might by now realise that I have a sizeable hoard of inspired feelings happening as a result of going to three Bruce Springsteen concerts. He and the band put on such marvellous shows and have such incredible positive energy that it’s hard not to bring home life lessons to apply. I already mentioned my amazement at Springsteen's energy in this post.

The most glaringly obvious lesson for me was that of health. As I sat on the first night I was amazed at the incredible vigour and energy of this man.  It wasn't until later that I found out he was 63 years old!  I was stunned, thrilled, and quite honestly put to shame at the pitiful state of my health by comparison. It was a sobering thought, as my own Dad, who was 63 when I was just 17, was possibly just as fit and vigorous at the same age, playing Badminton fixtures and doing hard physical work without breaking too much of a sweat. I have been complacent and lazy. There is no other way to describe it. I have indulged in the first-world habit of plenty, used my boring desk job as an excuse for sedentary behaviour and suffered the health consequences including rheumatoid arthritis and high blood pressure.

It seems obvious that turning forty this year is a sure indicator that theoretically my fittest years are behind me, and those to come will be harder health wise. I see no reason therefore to make them harder yet by holding onto all this excess weight, or to ever again blame my circumstances for what is quite simply, poor prioritising.

These revelations haven't all come from concert-going. Earlier this year I had a conversation with my doctor about the value of health.  I saw him in January after gaining considerable weight spending almost five weeks by my father's beside in hospital when he had pneumonia. I sat around on my arse enough in December to gain 10 kilograms. This didn't count Christmas foods as we had a salad picnic in the backyard on Christmas Day, because my father was still in hospital. It was just too much arse sitting, and probably too many sandwiches from the hospital cafeteria.

The result of this weight gain was an increase in my blood pressure, that required more medication. In January, I was given a form to have my cholesterol tested, in 6 weeks time, and told to go back home and make every day count with my diet and exercise. In that 6 weeks I lost 5 kilograms, my blood pressure improved, and I was walking on the beach and doing tai chi regularly with no excuses. I thought I was doing well. I aim for a raw diet (I miss, but that’s the idea), high in Kale and Cos Lettuce, and theoretically low in empty carbs and sugar (no bread, and little pasta or rice). That’s just the type of food intake that works for me. My cholesterol came back at a spectacularly healthy 3.5 and my doctor was thrilled, told me to go home and keep doing what I was doing.

March didn't prove quite so fruitful, my weight has hovered, I've missed Tai Chi classes, and I didn't go to the beach at all. Seeing Bruce Springsteen in Melbourne became as much a mission to get in 3 hours of non-stop dancing and jumping and arm waving as it was about the show! I was certain I needed that time, in the GA standing area to get the absolute most out of my experience. Sitting down for so much of the Brisbane concert really grated on me as a wasted opportunity (shame on your oldies who insisted my daughter and I stop dancing!)  Going back for a second session of exercise for Melbourne night 2 was a no-brainer for my health!

The Melbourne experience of 2 concerts and spending time with my exercise conscious friend taught me that I was more capable than I thought. I hadn't jumped up and down for years because of arthritic pain in my achilles. Yet mid-concert I found myself jumping up and down with excitement, and then again a few days later, playing in the park with my children!

I’m finding it very easy to keep up with the persistence to exercise and to eat healthily because of the realisation that there is such a large gap between my fitness, and that of someone more than 20 years my senior. I think that part of the inspiration comes from the Joie de Vivre that exudes from not only Bruce Springsteen, but the E Street Band, and indeed, the crowd at his concerts! I have been doing Tai Chi with a 92 year old, managing to just keep up with her and had never felt the same urgency to step up the pace. Tai Chi isn't really a discipline that encourages hastiness, although it has increased my fitness, it is surprisingly energetic, but very non-competitive.

Sharing my enthusiasm and determination with friends has provided me with some extra moral support to stay focussed this week.  Two of my friends are now exercise buddies, both from Melbourne, who are keeping me company on my fitness journey through texting reminders to walk, and motivating each other to keep at it, even on a 'lazy' day.

So far I don't seem to have achieved any shift in weight at all for the past 6 weeks or so, however, today a friend commented that I'd lost weight; she reasoned that I'd had 2 workouts at the concerts and that muscle weighs more than fat! I love her thinking! My skirt is doing its best to fall off over my hips, which is good enough for me, and the stubbornness of the scales is motivating me even more to see them shift back under 90 kilograms.

My big goal, which will take quite a bit to achieve, is to be 80 kilograms by my birthday at the end of winter! It’s been 8 years since I was that weight.  Having written down these goals, I realise that I am going to call in the assistance of a personal trainer, to at least help with planning a realistic strategy, in keeping with the wise words of this article, which notes that successful people do not simply repeat an activity over and over again, but seek expert feedback on their performance.  The article has contributed a great deal to my motivation, and partially inspired this previous post about 'Motivational Thursday". 

I'm looking forward to checking my progress in a few weeks time. At the moment I'm walking every day, and doing Tai Chi at least 4 hours a week. Whether my diet intake is strict enough to make a difference remains to be seen. I think I mostly eat healthily, however there is always the temptation of sweet biccies and too much dairy. This uncertainty is the reason I'm going to employ the principles of seeking expert feedback on my progress from a personal trainer, because a good trainer will give assistance with a food diary and be able to provide advice on nutrition as well as moral support.

I'll probably send the occasional tweet about exercise and update the blog if there is any significant news or change to the routine. I'm still a complete twitter noob, but you can find me here if you want to follow my day to day updates. 
I would love to hear your experiences with illness, exercise and health. Did anyone who went to all 10 Australian concerts spontaneously find themselves feelng fitter and more well I wonder? I know I came away standing taller and with a greater sense of belief in myself :) 

Motivational Thursday (Bruce!) - the results

I was surprised at how easy it was to get stuck into the Entry just the way my friend suggested!

Here are the results of what I called The Motivational Thursday Project.  For anyone who missed it, this was motivational Thursday.

Part way through. Still quite a bit of chaos.

This was moved from the main wall to make room for the new Expedit shelves.

Wall waiting for shelving.

Front corner less chaotic, and with temporary curtain!

Voila! New shelves filled with all our stuff! (and a bag packed ready for  the trip to Melbourne!)

Today I steam cleaned the rug and tidied the last junk off the pine hutch. It feels great! Inspirational music today was Shackled and Drawn.

We Are Alive - Solves a Mid Life Crisis

Bruce Springsteen changed my life as he sang the words, "my body gone stone cold. There were worms crawling inside and out of me. my fingers scratched at an earth black six foot low, and alone in the blackness of my grave".

Those lyrics, and what followed shocked me to the centre of my being. I'm glad that I had never heard any of the Wrecking Ball album before the concert. To hear him sing "We Are Alive" in person for the first time was mind- blowing.



I was prepared for a great song. Silencing the arena, he'd introduced it as being about spirits that are passed on from generation to generation, about listening to the dead. I was ready to be impressed, as I had been by the entire concert. What I wasn't ready for was the transformative experience. Or indeed to hear the words "Worms crawling inside and out of me"!

Which was almost immediately followed by the joyous sensation of being alive, as people begin to call out in response to the words: "I heard voices calling all around me."

Suddenly all my concerns about mortality melted away and I saw how simple it was. Yes, its awful, our physical bodies decay, but our spirits, one way or another live on, continuously through those we love or those whose lives we've touched. So simple.

Gone were the frightening thoughts about my own limited time here with my children, or the very limited time remaining to my elderly and dear relatives. With his stark portrayal of being inside a coffin, already decomposing, Bruce Springsteen chases away the shadowy fears of death and brings the grim reality into the light. The humility of his singing brings us all together, reminding us all that ultimately our final fate is inevitable and shared, though we make the last journey to the grave alone.  He shows us what we are afraid to think about, and then soothes with the reassurance that those who have passed are indeed alive  in one way or another, not to mention significant in number.

During this song the  entire audience are taken on a journey of respect and celebration. Beginning the song with the whole arena in silence, and at times shocked silence, then the catchy upbeat tune lifts spirits, chasing away the fears of mortality, replacing those fears with a huge sense of hope and purpose at being ALIVE.

I left the Brisbane concert feeling lighter than I had in years. Burdens had fallen away from me, replaced with a happiness that spilled over, as well as a sense of purpose to get on with living!  I realised that there is no point in feeling alarmed at the too-short years allotted each of us, as the impermanent nature of life cannot be changed, all that we control is the genuine pleasure taken from each new day of living.  We Are Alive recognises that the spirit of those who have passed continues on in us, that what we do is a reflection of what has been done before, and will continue past our time. Somehow, not only has he chased away the darkness, but he has laid down an inspirational challenge to be a part of being alive, to be mindful of those who have already left their legacy. After all, if the ghosts can sound so darned rousing "fighting shoulder to shoulder and heart to heart", then those of us who remain alive are capable of rising up as well!

The lyrics are incredible, and my realisation is that this man has answered for me a question I've been too afraid to ask myself; that is: "Whats it all about this temporary thing called life?" It is answered simply, in the words of this song "We Are Alive", "Its only our bodies that betray us in the end".  Personally I am quite comforted by the idea that our spirit, one way or another will live on after that ultimate physical betrayal. I'm inspired to get out there and let my spirit shine through today, tomorrow and the day after that!

Bruce Springsteen, a Renewal of Energy

So if you've been following my blog, you've noticed by now that the Bruce Springsteen concert in Brisbane on 14 March had a huge impact on my outlook.

This blog is about energy, which is something I feel a renewal of since then. So there will be quite a few updates along the way that focus on the concerts and songs. A great deal of the blog will continue to focus as it has previously on the significant projects in my life, that of my domestic environment, and increasingly now, the physical energy of becoming more healthy.

It has taken me a long while to work out how to arrange my writing about this inspiration, not only because I don't want to stuff it up, but because there is just so much, all encompassing yet very specific.  I'm hoping other Springsteen concert goers know what I mean here.

What I decided upon was to write a song-by-song review of the impact. Not running through the songs by the setlists for each concert, but through the songs roughly in the order that they pierced my consciousness and changed my outlook. 

But first here is a summary of events, to put all these individual songs in some kind of context.

Bruce Springsteen, the accidental inspiration. Yes, that’s right, accidental. I was absolutely a Bruce ‘virgin’, having no idea that the 'booing' sounds were actually the sounds of ‘Bruuuucccce’, not the grouchiness of those experiencing a one hour delay in performance start time!  My husband bought the newly released tickets as a surprise for me, and what a gift!  I had wanted to go to the concert, but tickets had sold out before I could book them in early December, and there was also (surprising to me now) no-one to take with me. Playing a Springsteen CD one evening, my 8 year old started dancing around the kitchen. When I asked her if she liked the singer, she said "oh yes very much" and I was thrilled that if new tickets became available I had my concert-going company right in my own home!  Luckily, new tickets were released and we were on our way!

For the concert on 14 March, my daughter and I were seated in the "B Reserve" area, 6 rows back in the raised seating area, dead centre to the stage. 

Sadly we were behind the seating 'barricade' that prevented me from rushing foward to greet the man himself on his forays into the audience.  Right from the beginning though I was caught up in the enthusiasm of the crowd with "We Take Care of Our Own", a song totally unknown to me lighting up the crowd.  The whole show leading the audience through ups, downs, shouting and silence was an orchestrated showmanship I'd never experienced before.  Seasoned Springsteen fans, perhaps were familiar, however for me it was a life changing experience of seeing magic in the form of a whole lot of enthusiasm and technical artistry work its way through the 10,000 strong crowd.  My daughter noted solemnly that "you have to sing from the heart, Bruce Springsteen sings from the heart, and thats how I knew he is a great singer" She's a very insightful young woman.

My own experience was somewhat obsessive, twenty minutes after arriving home I read my first online review, soon to find the guru of all things Springsteen, Tomo, of Bruce Springsteen Croatia fame.  Not long after I was following several Springsteen related Twitter accounts (what are they even called?) including Jake Clemons and Springsteen himself. 

In the days that followed, I greedily absorbed all the information from his Sydney shows, until one afternoon, clicking on a link from a random Springsteen related Tweet, discovered that what I thought were sold-out shows in Melbourne actually were not.  Hours later I was on the phone to my girlfriend in Melbourne pleading with her to trust me on how good the show would be and convince her to come with me to see the first Melbourne show with a GA ticket in the pit, where we could dance and hopefully be close-up!  She agreed after 11pm and I was in crazy motion buying concert tickets, plane tickets and working out logistics for a 30 hour Melbourne stopover.   And come Sunday night, my mind was blown. Instead of the gentle narrative of the Brisbane show, the audience was hit with a 3 hour wall of music. Barely pausing for breath, Springsteen, belted out song after song, and certainly didn't get all chatty with the audience as he had in Brisbane. 

In fact the longest (and most uncomfortable) silence I remember was during Darlington County when he knelt on the platform right beside me for what seemed like a small eternity! 

Monday morning watching balloons hovering over Rod Laver arena, both my girlfriend and I were keen to repeat the entire evening!  Rushing through other commitments, I arrived back in Brisbane to convince my husband that our whole family needed a Melbourne holiday that started immediately! Fortunately he was keen to join in the enthusiasm, and new tickets were bought for Tuesday night, with our plane landing with just enough time to rush from the airport to the concert.   After barely any sleep again, we set out for my third Springsteen experience.  And I was not disappointed. Standing at the back of the GA area, we met a couple from Perth who were returning for Wednesday's concert; a man who was also going to Hanging Rock; a couple who between them seemed to have taken in the entire tour; and a large group of keen sign holding fans who clearly had several concerts under their belt.  The house lights stayed on and the concert opened with "Badlands", everyone off their feet immediately and so much energy! The narrative was back, but with more audience interaction than Brisbane. Bruce even took the cap offered by Dave, who was standing beside me, before heading into the audience for a crowdsurf.

My experience was not quite over however, as I wanted for my husband to be able to share what it was like to see Springsteen and the E Street Band live. He rushed at the last minute to grab a  'cheapie in the rear of the stage' ticket for Wednesday's show at 6pm from the lawn outside the Arena, and spent the night on his feet dancing!

I feel blessed to have been able to celebrate turning 40 (in a few months time) with my girlfriend in such a unique way. The pleasure of being a part of the comraderie and spiritual renewal of a Bruce Springsteen concert will not be soon forgotten.