Chocolate topping and hindsight

Wow, revisiting my most popular post to date... and discovering it was written at what was a very high point in terms of focus.  So much has changed since then, particularly in the 2 months since Bruce and the E Street Band left the country....

Here's the original post:

Thursday, July 11, 2013Negativity - cured by an Attitude of Gratitude!
Sometimes, despite the best intentions, life fills up with it. Negativity. Maybe that's just *my* life, I don't know. I'm only living mine, so I've got no way to know if its me in particular.
Right now for instance, despite being extremely grateful earlier, and looking on the bright side, I find myself not only frustrated, but angry.
Because I'm fed up with blogging and still managing to get lost and feel like I'm making no progress, I'm going to go over the gratitude exercise again.
Tonight I'm grateful for the nap I had earlier, it was pleasant. I'm grateful for my Brucebud, Maggie, who understands.  I'm grateful for the time to write birthday invitations, and that I can let go of the perfectionist in me and make do with what I have designed. I'm grateful to the phone repairer who fixed my broken phone. I'm grateful to Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band for the inspiration to move, to make no excuses and to get out there and be fit. I've lost 13 kgs and that will never come back, because I'll never make excuses for myself like that again.  I might even get within 5kgs of my goal weight for my birthday of 80kgs! 
I'm grateful for just now remembering to drink water, as it will help make tomorrow a better day. I'm grateful to music, that I'm just about to listen to, while I drink some water, and marvel at how easy it is to turn around a very bad mood and attitude into a relatively pleasant mood and very good attitude.
It seems it is impossible to be angry and grateful at the same time. It seems that when your heart and mind is filled with gratitude, those things and people who make you mad don't matter one zot. 
Which is fine by me!Posted by Kat Smith at 1:39 AM 

I am interested to see that even though at the time I felt thwarted, I can see with hindsight that the feeling was perhaps just the hunger for doing more, doing better that was lighting the fire keeping me going, always losing weight, always eating better, sticking to my goals. Or perhaps it was indeed when things started to unravel for me, as I remember feeling a sense of stagnation that started in July last year.

Despite backsliding with the weight loss considerably, the interesting thing is that now I am beginning to tackle some of my life's bigger problems and big decisions. We've left the too-expensive private school, I've moved Dad into a care home closer to where I live, huge life changes are going on.  Having gained 5 kg in this time is a big deal, but perhaps merely a side effect of my not yet having learnt to juggle significant upheaval in my new routine.  When I reflect on my past efforts at fitness, I do tend to achieve a measure of what should be (according to experts) life time habit and increased fitness....and then maintaining or improving further on that is where I come unstuck. I have done this many times in the past, in many different life situations....so for me the trick is going to be keeping that fire lit under my arse that says "get moving" through all kinds of different circumstances.  Certainly the neck injury in November wiped out my walking, however now I have recurrent pain from that without walking, so I might as well keep up the walking and at least get the exercise and endorphins from doing the beneficial things!

Or as Dory would say:

Swimming in my case involves blogging, being grateful, exercising and eating sensibly. Pretty much everything else at the moment is chocolate topping. I have perhaps spent too much time in chocolate topping. There was some gratifying parts to that experience (the chocolate topping of doing 'all the other things' like the Bruce tour, moving Dad, etc) however overall it has made me feel kind of fat and sticky!

Happy New Year

The past weeks have been a time of celebration, but also for me, a time of great changes. Adjusting to life without my adult-life-long companion has been emotional. We've also had 2 groups of helpx backpackers now, both absolutely wonderful experiences.  And then there is a Christmas with Dad that we never expected to get, twice over during the past 12 months. And he's seen in another year, 2014 is here, and so is my Dad, against all the odds. Bless him for hanging in there for me and the children.

Today was an excellent opportunity to reflect on the changes I've made in 2013.  They are not noteworthy perhaps, to anyone but myself, and my noting them here, I may not convey the importance or relevance that I feel these changes have, but I'll give it a shot.

Today started off on the wrong foot. My husband and I were not seeing eye to eye and together were on a collision course to ruin each other's New Years Day.  So instead, as soon as we both realised the futility of trying to stay in the same place and be civilised, hubby went off to check on Dad and look after him this morning.  We've done this before, it is the perfect solution in our household to those moments of stupid bickering that lead nowhere pleasant, and fast.  Rather than  bicker, we separate and go in different directions, each doing valid constructive work, so that when we are reunited, we are both grateful to the other for their contribution and any bickering is forgotten. It works a charm.

So while hubby was gone, without interference from a second opinion I launched into a quick cleanup, with a timer from UFYH giving me some structure - cleaning each room for approximately 1/2 hour, allowing me a little time to manage children around that. In two hours I had swept downstairs, finished the Christmas present devastation cleanup and made a tiny dent in the laundry.  The important thing was that it felt good, the house felt cleaner, more loved and I felt calmer than I had in days. 

I feel we have also perfected the 'visit to Grandad' with all children now responsibly behaved in a very boring nursing home, and a habit of watching kids TV with Dad in his room. 

Beneath these changes runs the vein of having first changed my whole attitude to a single-task focus, doing one thing at a time, enjoying and living in the moment. I'm still working on it, but it does make a more hassle-free existence.

In 30 days I will mark 12 months of blogging, something I never thought would happen, I am grateful for all I have learnt from the blog this past year.

What will 2014 bring? Firstly I'd like a magical ability to make a budget from my very unrealistic finances! 

So far so good

It has been a long, successful time between blogging. This time of year tends to descend into chaotic disaster and misery, so for me to sit here, on my child's birthday, breathing a sigh of relief at having gotten through one party and two actual birthdays without too many tears and frustration (on my part) is a significant achievement.

I credit this amazing change to the blogging experience, bolstered by the Springsteen & ESB experience and in part the culmination of the efforts I've been making for a few years now to reorganise my life to reduce the stress, chaos and improve calm and happiness.

I've come out of this with a few realisations and tips:

1. When your life is hectic take a look at local venues that do children's parties. With a bit of negotiating it is surprisingly possible to have a no-fuss party that caters to your own needs and for which you do zero preparation (well I made a cake), yet spend no more than you would for a party at home!
2. Don't take people's comments on board. If they offer to help, believe it after you are wishing them a thankful goodbye, anything before that is not guaranteed to happen and can lead to disappointment. Along this same vein, if someone is critical, take it as a reflection of them, not you. The negative energy isn't yours.
3. Slow down. The busier life is, the more you need to slow down and take things one at a time. This has really worked for me in the last few weeks, and I hope it continues to keep me functioning until this busy time of year is finished. I don't think about what isn't in my immediate future, I don't worry about anything but what I'm doing next. The rest will eventually take care of itself or become the 'next thing' in its turn.

I've thoroughly enjoyed my part in the children's birthday's this year and am grateful for the learning experiences that have helped me to put it all into perspective. Making this cake was the relaxing, enjoyable event that it used to be years ago. I'm grateful for learning the tips above so that all I had to concentrate on for the party was the simplicity of this fun cake.
 

Daily Mantra - an effort in consistency

"things go horribly wrong despite my best intentions." - This part of Monday's blog has me thinking. After all it is kind of the crux of it all. Why would things continue to 'go wrong'? Unless of course I perhaps am not doing one of the below things, like expecting the best of myself, and giving myself reasons why I CAN do things, believing in myself.

william paisley‏@YourPocketGuru20h

If you always expect the best out of yourself & life you will get it! You are worthy of having it all... never forget that! #ypg

Organising Energy‏@OrganisEnergy20h

@YourPocketGuru and always believe in the best of yourself - I find I need to believe, not just expect, I am the best me including quirks!!

This conversation went on to discuss how if you don't believe, then its not expecting, its wishing. Quite the interesting thing for me to contemplate. I think I have a very strong tendency towards 'wishing' and calling it something else altogether. To check out the conversation, follow me @organisingenergy on Twitter.

Fitness Motivator‏@Fit_Motivator23 Jun

Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't I give myself reasons why I CAN.

Something I saw on twitter suggested that I should believe in myself more - believe that I can be the best me I imagine - that's worth thinking about!

a comment...

Organising Energy‏@OrganisEnergy24h

“@Fit_Motivator: Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't I give myself reasons why I CAN.” good 4 when inertia strikes 2 get you moving

(yes the graphics are clumsy, but its midnight!)

I also said that "I feel like I need a plan, or a mantra and a plan." So my mantra for the week is to make an effort daily to give myself reasons why I CAN, to expect myself to be able to, and believe in myself. Maybe that isn't quite a mantra, but I'm sure I'll get there with some fine-tuning. 

 

What I'm finding is that just having recognised the need to be mindful of my attitude is helping me.  Today despite not feeling particularly positive, through the whole day, I have simply kept going doing what needed to be done, sometimes slowly, sometimes with a great deal of energy.

 

And I'm proud of my efforts, I have a somewhat sorted toy space, I've scrubbed a floor, looked after the animals, and I've even had a lovely chat about the very sad state of politics in this country.   I'm filling in my little spreadsheet daily, and doing whatever is required to get over the little (and big hurdles) that life throws at me.

 

Here's a pic of today's cleaning up efforts. As you can see I'm big on practical, light on for image, with very haphazard labels! Might get pretty ones to replace it if I could be stuffed going to the shops.

 

 

 

On another note, a funny thing happened to me on the way home from Tai Chi tonight, I ran out of diesel going up a hill!  I was only about 2.5 kms from home, and aside from the first 500m of steep dark hillside, the rest was on my regular walking route that I cover in about 10 minutes from home.  So I simply turned off the engine, hopped out and walked briskly home (my mobile phone wasn't working so I did feel a little bit of need to be hasty). It was the best feeling to be able to just do that without thinking twice! Bruce Springsteen and the ESB have had such a big influence on my whole life, not only am I fitter, and calmer but I'm more insulated against the negative than I realise!  I am finding a whole new level of intolerance for negativity that I believe is self-preservation kicking in, allowing me the emotional space to deal with my own problems!

 

I'm looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings in the way of successes and challenges; so far I feel like I'm doing great with my routine, especially regarding the children and getting them regular with brushing their teeth.

Challenge Day 2 - found here

Challenge Day 1  - found here

(I am experimenting with ways to make this blogging process more navigable for myself here, so far no breakthroughs)

 

Day 2 - positive energy

Today was the first day of my school holiday plan. I think it went well. More or less according to plan.  I'm blogging on the mobile so will keep this brief as its time for sleep too. It was an emotional day today as I cleaned up (again) a large quantity of the children's toys that have gotten into a sorry, disorganised state. So many factors contributed to this - illnesses, acts of God (just the one storm actually) and emotional attachment to chaos (not me!!)

What I find incredible is that on my walk tonight, when thinking on what I was grateful for, I found myself turning around a negative (hubby's horrible toy toss method of making chaos) and found naked being grateful FIRST today for the fact he got the toys all in one location! In a day of many blessings I'm so glad I changed my thinking on this!

Best bit of today was building a campfire and having toast, potatoes and marshmallows :)

 

 

Health & Happiness Challenge Day 1

I have started two new blog posts tonight, as well as a spreadsheet to help me keep track of my challenges for the week.

Today was an extra work day for me while the children saw cousins with their Nana and Pop. So it didn't leave a LOT of time for exercise (I did a quick 10 minute walk before being picked up from work), or for reaching out to friends (so I emailed photos of the children to the family).

My Bruce time was mostly during the walk, although I did have my mindful Bruce attitude all day, holding my head up higher, and being happy in myself.

I'm grateful for another 2 hour drive home without tears and wailing from the little children. I'm grateful my cat survived a second day without his midday medication.

My diet could have been better as I had iced coffeee (yum!); but I also have had 1/3 of my water and I've eaten plenty of Kale today.

I phoned my father, it was lovely to speak with him after a busy day yesterday, and to hear that the private physiotherapist I have in to see him weekly was a highlight of his day as she took him for a longer walk than the staff usually do.

My excel spreadsheet looks a little like this:

 

Regaining Happiness - Blogging

This is instalment #3 about the adventure to reclaim the happy calm state from the month of April.

One of the factors contributing to my sense of well-being in the past months has certainly been the act of blogging. I'm fascinated by what makes me tick, by the dynamic that exists that causes me to struggle with expending my energy in sensible ways, and productively.  Blogging helps me to see not only what is happening, but what I'd like to be happening, and finally, I find it incredibly helpful as a tool of reflection, to be able to document the highs and lows, the way I was thinking at a particular time, the repetitive behaviour, a simple reminder of how I'd like to be!

In the past month, my blog posts have decreased from 'most days' to 'most weeks'. I went back to work and so did my husband, leaving so much less time for these quick 15 minute blog updates during the day. The novelty had probably worn off after a honeymoon period, and in addition, I didn't feel like I was doing 'new things' worth blogging about (which wasn't true but it's an interesting reflection on the negativity creeping back into my life!)

Once again, I am shocked and amazed by my tiny bit of internet research. Research indicates that journalling (which is essentially what blogging is) "decreases the symptoms of asthma and rheumatoid arthritis"

Whoa! So without realising it, my blogging has been a contributing factor to the reduction of my arthritic pain. Combined with the gratitude, Bruce and exercise, I've been following a near-perfect disease prevention formula!  How incredible and amazing is that?

So in terms of increasing happiness, and maintaining it, apparently blogging or journalling are right up there with simple ways to get the happiness level higher!

Here are some of the links I have found fascinating to read

Journalling to reduce trauma

Benefits of Journalling

Health Benefits of Journalling

Alongside the health benefits and happiness boosting effect journalling acts as a tool for redirection of my thoughts and therefore my future actions. For example, as soon as I began the blog for the first part of this series of 'reclaiming happiness' I realised that I wanted to contribute smaller daily blogs to help me get back into the swing of blogging.

It looks like blogging and Bruce, exercise and gratitude are going to continue to be part of my daily life, for the sake of my health and sanity.