Today's update is a little reflection on one of my earliest lessons while writing this blog. That of 'ask an expert'. This concept of asking an expert was a critical component of my 'Inspirational motivation' blog entry. Over the months, I've come to realise that the expertise of the experts you ask varies depending on the circumstances. We can't always access the best person in the field of our interest, but we can find out from others what is working for them!
So without further ado, my two 'expert' pieces of advice that I've gained this year are
1. Do both regular cleaning and decluttering simultaneously / take regular turns. This simple concept has taken me quite some time to adjust to. There have been challenges in accepting this simple advice. I'm learning to accept that our house may always resemble a cyclonic fallout zone at first glance. How deep the debis lies is the critical thing! When all the clutter seems to look like piles of junk from floor to ceiling there is a problem. When one can distinguish obvious recognisable furniture and fixtures and the floor is not inches deep in toys, then that is maybe as good as it will get. I'm also learning that the more decluttering I take on, the more I need to be wary of falling behind the normal cleaning - I still need to empty the fridge, do the dishes and handscrub some laundry items. On the other hand, I also need to be forgiving of myself if I do accidentally forget the damp towel in a bucket in the laundry and have to throw it out. I'm only one person and I'm taking on extra with the decluttering. Some of the things I used to have in a routine might suffer as I am adjusting.
and
2. Write one big long, huge list of things to do (in the phone). Now this concept I find particularly confronting. What if the list just keeps growing and growing and growing I said? "so?" replied my 'expert' friend. Let it grow. It was going to grow inside your head anyway, at least on the list it is written somewhere safe. She had a good point. And so I have reluctantly begun using 'REMINDERS' on the iphone, not as 'reminders' but as the depsitory for the greatest longest list of all-time things to do. The logic behind this apparently functional (yes I'm still skeptical) idea is that when you do feel inclined, or have a sudden moment alone, or an insane urge to do something truly useful, there is your list of EVERYTHING, waiting for you to peruse it and choose the exciting job of the moment. I have to say that I have hardly been an enthusiastic recruit to this system, however it does seem to be quite effective. It is said that writin things down makes a difference (you are also supposed to write down goals), and it seems to be proving true in this case. The jobs that are written down seem to be at the forefront of my mind without having to really 'use' the app to 'find busy work'. This is a bit of an experiment in progress, so I'm sure that like the balancing act of regular jobs and extra decluttering, it will in time grow on me.
Do you have any expert tips to share on the theme of organisation?
Showing posts with label balance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label balance. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
its all about the food ...
According to the personal trainers I've encountered, that's the trick. Food. The exercise is great, but it is really all about the food.
So tonight I was restrained and did not eat chocolate cake. I feel better for having avoided it. Which reminds me I need to make Tai Chi a Christmas cake.
But back to this food thing. Today I was particularly inspired, by one of Bruce Springsteen's fellow band members, Ed Manion, who shared a picture of his morning jog on Facebook. We all need to constantly keep active, it reminded me.
So I did 2 sets of Tai Chi in the 30 degree heat!
And this afternoon on my walk, I discussed the food issue with my friend in exercise and Bruce. We came to the conclusion that although it is primarily about food, there is nothing like sweating, straining and being physically demanding of your body to get a very clear understanding of how much that effort is wasted by snacking. My sources informed me this morning that one cupcake requires 30 minutes walking to burn off. So any time I eat a cupcake, that is that days walk wasted.
If I hadn't walked, for some reason, I'd be more likely to forget how much hard work I put into exercise when I'm doing it, and therefore more likely to eat the dodgy chocolately things.
Exercise also helps in other ways. It really does make me more cheerful. And there is nothing more energising and calorie burning than happiness. Happiness seems to lead to bouncing with energy.
I'm finding it hard to be grateful these days, or to be particularly happy, so here goes the 3 things I'm grateful for today -
1. that my daughter had the funky ex-rock n roll band member as her bus driver this afternoon. It made her happy which made me happy.
2. That the power came back on tonight so that we could wash school uniforms :)
3. grateful that my Dad looked good this morning and was able to talk on the phone with me this afternoon.
and finally I'm grateful to be getting a somewhat early night - last night was a shocker with 2 children awake at different times of the night!
So tonight I was restrained and did not eat chocolate cake. I feel better for having avoided it. Which reminds me I need to make Tai Chi a Christmas cake.
But back to this food thing. Today I was particularly inspired, by one of Bruce Springsteen's fellow band members, Ed Manion, who shared a picture of his morning jog on Facebook. We all need to constantly keep active, it reminded me.
So I did 2 sets of Tai Chi in the 30 degree heat!
And this afternoon on my walk, I discussed the food issue with my friend in exercise and Bruce. We came to the conclusion that although it is primarily about food, there is nothing like sweating, straining and being physically demanding of your body to get a very clear understanding of how much that effort is wasted by snacking. My sources informed me this morning that one cupcake requires 30 minutes walking to burn off. So any time I eat a cupcake, that is that days walk wasted.
If I hadn't walked, for some reason, I'd be more likely to forget how much hard work I put into exercise when I'm doing it, and therefore more likely to eat the dodgy chocolately things.
Exercise also helps in other ways. It really does make me more cheerful. And there is nothing more energising and calorie burning than happiness. Happiness seems to lead to bouncing with energy.
I'm finding it hard to be grateful these days, or to be particularly happy, so here goes the 3 things I'm grateful for today -
1. that my daughter had the funky ex-rock n roll band member as her bus driver this afternoon. It made her happy which made me happy.
2. That the power came back on tonight so that we could wash school uniforms :)
3. grateful that my Dad looked good this morning and was able to talk on the phone with me this afternoon.
and finally I'm grateful to be getting a somewhat early night - last night was a shocker with 2 children awake at different times of the night!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Learning curve - communication under pressure!
I've learnt so much from looking after my Dad about people. So so much. I just hope I am able to retain it all, because it takes superhuman patience and a whole shift of attitude / head zone to undertake the delicacy of communication I am managing with 3 different levels of care staff (4 if you count management); doctors, multiplied by the same in the hospital and then random extras like physio and nurse practitioners. By the time I'm done balancing and juggling all of that I'm buggered on a daily basis. Not to mention keeping a lid on wanting to blow my steam when there are not wet wipes or spare underwear in Dads bathroom FFS and I'm helping him by myself!
I'll revisit the details of this another time.
I'll revisit the details of this another time.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Juggling all the balls
I've had my eldest child back for nearly a week now, and survived the transition after bringing her home Monday night and having a blood pressure spike on the same night.
What have I learnt during this past week of chaos, mayhem, stress, fun and frustration? Not a lot I'm afraid. I've learnt that I feel like a hamster in a wheel, spinning round and round and achieving only a bad headache and temper to match.
In contrast I've also enjoyed the small things. Because as so many times we are reminded by little inspirational memes, they ARE the big things.
I've hugged my boy so tight, I've giggled with my baby. I've heard my elder girl explain to me her economic theories of life. I've enjoyed a visit with Dad where we held a normal conversation about his living arrangements, and how we would both prefer he be somewhere else.
I've felt blessed by all my family this week, as well as infuriated!
And I have no answers. Not one. All my blogging, and theorising and mantras continue to boil down to the fact that I have to make a huge effort for happiness, that it doesn't just 'come' and that order in my life similarly doesn't come easily.
Interestingly I did see this YouTube clip about how as we get older, we see time as speeding up; and that if we increase our new, novel experiences, we improve our memory making, and our sense of time going more slowly, with more meaning.
This inspired me to stop complaining and to start moving. At the moment that means working a little more towards some travelling, and also to look at seeing more live music, getting ready for 2 birthday parties and doing something meaningful with this last week of school holidays.
Seems like a lot doesn't it? It IS a lot. No wonder I'm tired just thinking about that, plus all the other details! Maybe that's what I need to work on next / most of all - how to make everything SEEM simpler! Get the 'clutter' out of my mind!
What have I learnt during this past week of chaos, mayhem, stress, fun and frustration? Not a lot I'm afraid. I've learnt that I feel like a hamster in a wheel, spinning round and round and achieving only a bad headache and temper to match.
In contrast I've also enjoyed the small things. Because as so many times we are reminded by little inspirational memes, they ARE the big things.
I've hugged my boy so tight, I've giggled with my baby. I've heard my elder girl explain to me her economic theories of life. I've enjoyed a visit with Dad where we held a normal conversation about his living arrangements, and how we would both prefer he be somewhere else.
I've felt blessed by all my family this week, as well as infuriated!
And I have no answers. Not one. All my blogging, and theorising and mantras continue to boil down to the fact that I have to make a huge effort for happiness, that it doesn't just 'come' and that order in my life similarly doesn't come easily.
This inspired me to stop complaining and to start moving. At the moment that means working a little more towards some travelling, and also to look at seeing more live music, getting ready for 2 birthday parties and doing something meaningful with this last week of school holidays.
Seems like a lot doesn't it? It IS a lot. No wonder I'm tired just thinking about that, plus all the other details! Maybe that's what I need to work on next / most of all - how to make everything SEEM simpler! Get the 'clutter' out of my mind!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Negativity and Affirmations
I've had a lesson today. A lesson in balance. While feeling utterly overwhelmed with the weight of negativity around me, I discussed this on my facebook wall with friends. And after a bit of too-ing and fro-ing in the ensuing discussion, I posted this:
Tai Chi is perfect! It has soo many proven health benefits and I have to make a real effort now to actually do myself harm with it. Also I don't like to sit still, so I find holding yoga poses totally alien to my nature. On the other hand, Tai Chi is 'walking meditation' and its perfect Some days just area bit bodgier than others, I've had a few weeks of that with one thing and another and this has turned out to be a reaffirmation (I'm fast learning that reaffirming important things needs to be done over and over and over ad infinitum) of all the good things I know I need to keep up to stay healthy. Will my third finger remain arthritic? Geez I hope not but even if it does, I know if I keep up all the walking, tai chi, gratefulness etc then it won't really matter as it will get better when all that is going on. Really I'm just sooking about Bruce in Europe. HUGE first world problem.
What I've learnt is that I really must keep reaffirming my faith in myself. Reaffirming the importance of all the thing that are integral to my happiness and healthiness isn't something I need to do now and again. I need it daily, or as many times as its necessary to keep me as disease free as I was in April this year.
Tai Chi is perfect! It has soo many proven health benefits and I have to make a real effort now to actually do myself harm with it. Also I don't like to sit still, so I find holding yoga poses totally alien to my nature. On the other hand, Tai Chi is 'walking meditation' and its perfect Some days just area bit bodgier than others, I've had a few weeks of that with one thing and another and this has turned out to be a reaffirmation (I'm fast learning that reaffirming important things needs to be done over and over and over ad infinitum) of all the good things I know I need to keep up to stay healthy. Will my third finger remain arthritic? Geez I hope not but even if it does, I know if I keep up all the walking, tai chi, gratefulness etc then it won't really matter as it will get better when all that is going on. Really I'm just sooking about Bruce in Europe. HUGE first world problem.
What I've learnt is that I really must keep reaffirming my faith in myself. Reaffirming the importance of all the thing that are integral to my happiness and healthiness isn't something I need to do now and again. I need it daily, or as many times as its necessary to keep me as disease free as I was in April this year.
So even negativity serves a positive purpose, because when it creeps (or rushes) in, then its time to reaffirm the exercise, the Tai Chi, the gratefulness and the determination to live life and enjoy! Its interesting how even the less exhilarating ride to the bottom of the ferris wheel can be filled with anticipation of the next exciting ascent to the top! I missed out on the ferris wheel ride at this year's Agricultural Show, but I think I've been on my own personal wheel with great highs and deep dips! Right now, according to my theory, I'm on my way back around the wheel, on an upsweep :)
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Pulling together and Being Prepared!
One of the most significant concepts for me since I began blogging is that of being prepared. It was the subject of one of my very early posts as I reflected on my mother in law's incredible pre-preparation for just about anything.
Particularly now, as I am feeling more positive, happy, upbeat and capable than I have in years, I find myself reflecting on this concept of preparation.
Recently (during that quiet time when no blog posts appeared) my husband travelled away for work. He was driving to a major regional town, about five hours away. When he'd been gone 4 hours already, and I was mid-breakfast, mid-getting children to school, the whole trip hit a terrible snag in the form of my coming down with a very severe case of gastro. I couldn't move, and he was 4 hours away. I am so grateful for his boss, who immediately drove him home again to look after the children, as I was so incapable. I spent the next several days feeling quite off, but the worst passed that first day, and along with the sickness came some pretty significant realisations for me.
The first one was that there was no way that hubby could travel for work again, at least not until our youngest is a little more independent. We simply don't have a 'backup' network to call on, other than each other. This didn't take much contemplation, after the horrible hours waiting for him to arrive home, I'm not doing that again with such small children.
The other realisations however came hot on each others heels and do require a bit more contemplation and change. After a very upset week, I realised that not only have I established a solid family routine since returning to working, but that this routine was hanging on by a thread. We simply aren't that used to it, haven't settled into it, or gotten comfortable enough with it that it tolerates much battering. The week I was at home sick threw the entire concept of 'calm', 'organised', and 'routine' out the proverbial window, it seemed at the time as though never to be seen again! (luckily I'm more resilient than that and this week is going OK)
Hand in hand with how precariously our little family is balancing its 'routine' is the entire concept of being prepared! After all, if we are more 'prepared' then by extension our balancing act is more stable, and less likely to topple at the slightest adjustment required.
Which leads me to my focus for the moment. I am still determined to lose weight, keep exercising with the same intensity as in the last month or so, and still quite keen to keep my positive attitude, however I feel a little like the tough work of beginning those changes has been accomplished and I need to consider how being prepared will accentuate the positive attitude and exercise transformations.
Firstly, simply being more prepared in the meals department will provide me with an even better daily diet to get the best nourishment without any excess sugary carbohydrates!
Being a step ahead of where I am now would mean having an idea of tomorrow's food, and it being in the fridge (its been a lean food prep week this week!); not running out of cat food; having photos uploaded every week; having activities ready for the children when they get home (OK that one is only if I turn into super-Mum!). It would also mean being on top of the mountains of paperwork for myself and my Dad. I feel like I'm drowning under papers at the moment, but will leave that conundrum for another day! I like the sound of being a step ahead, however for now, the tiniest fraction of being prepared that I see now is a bit less dramatic, but might give me a few hints about how to operate in a prepared way. I've already noticed that the better my communication, the more we are able to negotiate through things as they crop up. Put another way, two grumpy snappy adults don't make great decisions!
Since the returning to all hands on deck working, we've established some routines that sort of work. Hubby does early mornings (when my arthritis still makes me a slow turtle) and drops big children at school before work; I take our little one to her various morning activities; we come home and she naps while I get housework done; the almost 2 hour pickup of big children happens at the end of nap-time; we have a very early tea when we get home; then homework after Daddy gets home and a bit of chaotic energy, then bedtime. This is what is working for us.
Two times I am focusing on improving is the activities I get done while little miss takes her nap, and what I get done after hubby is home at night.
At the moment, I am happy that at nap time daily I seem to be managing to completely clean the floor off in the entry and kitchen as well as downstairs toys. This is a bit of an extension of what I've achieved in the past, and this week I'm trying to work out how to extend past that point into uncharted cleaning territory. I'm still not sure, but some experimenting is on the horizon to find the balance that will fit in my 2 hour time frame.
In the evenings I am juggling between walking (its not practical at 9pm any longer due to the cold!); school homework; and cleaning! I am using the early evening time to get into extra projects or washing up, whichever is needing doing more. This is how I managed to get the floor scrubbed on Monday night, determination!
I need to refresh and revisit the concepts of this post about Working Smart. That's the essence of what is going on here, an attempt to make the obvious easier!
There is something else I'm realising as I go over all this while listening to Bruce Springsteen's Darkness on the Edge of Town album. It's that I need to find a way to really ENJOY getting more prepared! I remember when I was in Girl Guides, that my Guide Leader instilled in me, for the shortest moment, a flame of inspiration of REALLY wanting to 'Be Prepared" and obtain my Baden-Powell emblem, the highest achievement for a Girl Guide. Years later, I feel I'm finally getting the point of all those badges and things. A sense of purpose about how I am going about this domestic life, to relish and delight in what is necessary.
I think I'd much rather relish and delight in more Bruce Springsteen concerts, but in order to do that I need my house to be respectable and presentable for house-sitters, so it's delighting in house cleaning for me in the interim.
Hang in there Bruce, I'm coming to a concert soon!
Particularly now, as I am feeling more positive, happy, upbeat and capable than I have in years, I find myself reflecting on this concept of preparation.
Recently (during that quiet time when no blog posts appeared) my husband travelled away for work. He was driving to a major regional town, about five hours away. When he'd been gone 4 hours already, and I was mid-breakfast, mid-getting children to school, the whole trip hit a terrible snag in the form of my coming down with a very severe case of gastro. I couldn't move, and he was 4 hours away. I am so grateful for his boss, who immediately drove him home again to look after the children, as I was so incapable. I spent the next several days feeling quite off, but the worst passed that first day, and along with the sickness came some pretty significant realisations for me.
The first one was that there was no way that hubby could travel for work again, at least not until our youngest is a little more independent. We simply don't have a 'backup' network to call on, other than each other. This didn't take much contemplation, after the horrible hours waiting for him to arrive home, I'm not doing that again with such small children.
The other realisations however came hot on each others heels and do require a bit more contemplation and change. After a very upset week, I realised that not only have I established a solid family routine since returning to working, but that this routine was hanging on by a thread. We simply aren't that used to it, haven't settled into it, or gotten comfortable enough with it that it tolerates much battering. The week I was at home sick threw the entire concept of 'calm', 'organised', and 'routine' out the proverbial window, it seemed at the time as though never to be seen again! (luckily I'm more resilient than that and this week is going OK)
Hand in hand with how precariously our little family is balancing its 'routine' is the entire concept of being prepared! After all, if we are more 'prepared' then by extension our balancing act is more stable, and less likely to topple at the slightest adjustment required.
Which leads me to my focus for the moment. I am still determined to lose weight, keep exercising with the same intensity as in the last month or so, and still quite keen to keep my positive attitude, however I feel a little like the tough work of beginning those changes has been accomplished and I need to consider how being prepared will accentuate the positive attitude and exercise transformations.
Firstly, simply being more prepared in the meals department will provide me with an even better daily diet to get the best nourishment without any excess sugary carbohydrates!
Being a step ahead of where I am now would mean having an idea of tomorrow's food, and it being in the fridge (its been a lean food prep week this week!); not running out of cat food; having photos uploaded every week; having activities ready for the children when they get home (OK that one is only if I turn into super-Mum!). It would also mean being on top of the mountains of paperwork for myself and my Dad. I feel like I'm drowning under papers at the moment, but will leave that conundrum for another day! I like the sound of being a step ahead, however for now, the tiniest fraction of being prepared that I see now is a bit less dramatic, but might give me a few hints about how to operate in a prepared way. I've already noticed that the better my communication, the more we are able to negotiate through things as they crop up. Put another way, two grumpy snappy adults don't make great decisions!
Since the returning to all hands on deck working, we've established some routines that sort of work. Hubby does early mornings (when my arthritis still makes me a slow turtle) and drops big children at school before work; I take our little one to her various morning activities; we come home and she naps while I get housework done; the almost 2 hour pickup of big children happens at the end of nap-time; we have a very early tea when we get home; then homework after Daddy gets home and a bit of chaotic energy, then bedtime. This is what is working for us.
Two times I am focusing on improving is the activities I get done while little miss takes her nap, and what I get done after hubby is home at night.
At the moment, I am happy that at nap time daily I seem to be managing to completely clean the floor off in the entry and kitchen as well as downstairs toys. This is a bit of an extension of what I've achieved in the past, and this week I'm trying to work out how to extend past that point into uncharted cleaning territory. I'm still not sure, but some experimenting is on the horizon to find the balance that will fit in my 2 hour time frame.
In the evenings I am juggling between walking (its not practical at 9pm any longer due to the cold!); school homework; and cleaning! I am using the early evening time to get into extra projects or washing up, whichever is needing doing more. This is how I managed to get the floor scrubbed on Monday night, determination!
I need to refresh and revisit the concepts of this post about Working Smart. That's the essence of what is going on here, an attempt to make the obvious easier!
There is something else I'm realising as I go over all this while listening to Bruce Springsteen's Darkness on the Edge of Town album. It's that I need to find a way to really ENJOY getting more prepared! I remember when I was in Girl Guides, that my Guide Leader instilled in me, for the shortest moment, a flame of inspiration of REALLY wanting to 'Be Prepared" and obtain my Baden-Powell emblem, the highest achievement for a Girl Guide. Years later, I feel I'm finally getting the point of all those badges and things. A sense of purpose about how I am going about this domestic life, to relish and delight in what is necessary.
I think I'd much rather relish and delight in more Bruce Springsteen concerts, but in order to do that I need my house to be respectable and presentable for house-sitters, so it's delighting in house cleaning for me in the interim.
Hang in there Bruce, I'm coming to a concert soon!
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Time with each child
Two weeks ago:
I don't know what other people's experience has been once having a third child, but in our family it has thrown the dynamic into what can be kindly described as total chaos. Noise levels are higher, random crazy stuff that children do is much higher and focus on any activity is much lower.
Partially to counter this, and partially because I know that our boy misses out on time with me all the time (middle child issue!), this weekend we did one day with him and Mummy and then today I spent time with our eldest.
I enjoyed myself so much, that I can see this being a regular thing, and a way to reconnect one on one with the children who are swamped when we are all together in chaos. I'm thinking that next week, we will swop, and hubby can have one on one with the older children one at a time while I have our baby and whoever isn't having Daddy time.
As weekends go overall there was still chaos, but it was countered by the lovely time I had just hanging out low-key with my little bloke; and then today having a couple of hours in the surf with my big girl, without having to restrict our swimming due to a small toddler! And the weather was ideal for it, water temperature was 22 degrees and just refreshing rather than chilling! I hope this beautiful autumn weather holds out a bit longer so that we can have a few more beach adventures.
UPDATE: on reflection I realise that my eldest frequently manages to get time alone with both myself and hubby, so the 'alone time' project is going to continue mostly as a way to keep a good connection with our boy. Strategising to separate children for different things on the weekend is a great way for us to keep sanity for all concerned, as this weekend on Saturday we kept our youngest at home with me because she is getting tired of being in the car constantly. This gave hubby and son some alone time out at gymnastics.
We've also built a little fireplace, which everyone is loving in the cold weather, to cook potatoes in jackets, warm garlic bread, toast, fire-roasted chicken breasts and toasted marshmallows for dessert. This has been a terrific weekend activity, re-engaging our fussiest eater with a range of yummy food. Tonight's plan includes cooking corn in the coals as well.
Winter has certainly arrived, so I don't think we'll be getting any more glorious beach days until spring arrives. Until then, this make-do fireplace is going to see some adventures.
I don't know what other people's experience has been once having a third child, but in our family it has thrown the dynamic into what can be kindly described as total chaos. Noise levels are higher, random crazy stuff that children do is much higher and focus on any activity is much lower.
Partially to counter this, and partially because I know that our boy misses out on time with me all the time (middle child issue!), this weekend we did one day with him and Mummy and then today I spent time with our eldest.
I enjoyed myself so much, that I can see this being a regular thing, and a way to reconnect one on one with the children who are swamped when we are all together in chaos. I'm thinking that next week, we will swop, and hubby can have one on one with the older children one at a time while I have our baby and whoever isn't having Daddy time.
As weekends go overall there was still chaos, but it was countered by the lovely time I had just hanging out low-key with my little bloke; and then today having a couple of hours in the surf with my big girl, without having to restrict our swimming due to a small toddler! And the weather was ideal for it, water temperature was 22 degrees and just refreshing rather than chilling! I hope this beautiful autumn weather holds out a bit longer so that we can have a few more beach adventures.
UPDATE: on reflection I realise that my eldest frequently manages to get time alone with both myself and hubby, so the 'alone time' project is going to continue mostly as a way to keep a good connection with our boy. Strategising to separate children for different things on the weekend is a great way for us to keep sanity for all concerned, as this weekend on Saturday we kept our youngest at home with me because she is getting tired of being in the car constantly. This gave hubby and son some alone time out at gymnastics.
We've also built a little fireplace, which everyone is loving in the cold weather, to cook potatoes in jackets, warm garlic bread, toast, fire-roasted chicken breasts and toasted marshmallows for dessert. This has been a terrific weekend activity, re-engaging our fussiest eater with a range of yummy food. Tonight's plan includes cooking corn in the coals as well.
Winter has certainly arrived, so I don't think we'll be getting any more glorious beach days until spring arrives. Until then, this make-do fireplace is going to see some adventures.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Pocket money aka lets bribe the children
I have mixed feelings about pocket money. Some of these come from longstanding issues with my own childhood, and others from a reflection of what pocket money should be a reflection of in a child's life. I was never given regular pocket money, and continued to resent this into adulthood. I really felt like I had missed out. On the other hand, I am concerned (and rightly so) that linking pocket money to behaviour is a slipperly slope of bribing children into the behaviour we'd like to see, rather than taking more time to help them understand responsibility and respect. Nor do I personally like the idea of pocket money for no effort whatsoever.
In our house we have tried various pocket money / behaviour systems including star charts links to positive outcomes when reaching a goal; star charts linked directly to dollar amounts (e.g. 1 star = 1 dollar); pocket money for jobs completed and a set roster of jobs for a set amount of money. None of these have worked for us in the long term.
The reasons for their failure are varied but probably fall into the following two issues:
Curious, I asked her how the system worked for her and if she could explain it. Fascinated I learnt the following:
I think the reasons for its success are the boundaries and certainties inherent in the system, for both children and parents. For example, our son who is 5, currently gets $3 a week as his starting money. As parents, we don't want to give him nothing each week, so we are very circumspect about giving out crosses to him, and very conscious that because he can have outbursts of 5 year old behaviour, we need to encourage him with earning extra ticks (to counter any potential crosses he might build up!) As parents we don't want to allow our children to build up an extreme amount of ticks in one week, so we are tweaking the 'expected jobs for basic money' to fit in with a fair amount of responsibility. In our house that isn't very much, it is little things like getting dressed and waiting at the front door for school the first time we ask in the morning instead of the 50th!
Our big children are excited and happy to be saving their money up for treats, and so far we have been regular with pocket money on a Saturday morning because it is an easy day to duck out and get whatever change is needed, plus we always have Sunday up our sleeve if we stuff up on Saturday!!!
I am not as neat and organised as my friend with the pretty blackboard - here is our chart!
This week has been not as easy on our eldest, but looking at the chart, as parents, we know we can encourage some behaviours to get those ticks back there, and be aware to be less 'reactive' as parents and not give out any more crosses - helps keep our boundaries and prevents us from going overboard using the pocket money as a significant discipline / bribery technique. I'm cautiously happy having pocket money bribery in the parenting toolbox so to speak, but not so keen on it being our primary parenting tool!
Before writing this post, I did a quick scan of the information in cyberspace about pocket money. The gist of the information 'out there' is that everyone agrees money handling skills such as budgeting, saving, goal achievement, responsibility and more. Questions of whether work should be done to earn pocket money, and what children are expected to pay for are tactfully left as an individual family decision :) For me, I am hoping we have found the balance in our household and this system will continue to work in a balanced way.
Interestingly I also found this page with links to pocket money apps. I've never used an app for pocket money, can't imagine doing so now, but you might like to check it out - 5 Free Allowance Apps.
I also particularly like this article, discussing how our children have a tendency to expect things for free! My middle child is in danger of this, owing to some compensating issues the hubby doesn't seem ready to shake. I am hoping this pocket money system will at least provide some counterpoint to the issue of it 'raining free toys' as sometimes happens here :(
In our house we have tried various pocket money / behaviour systems including star charts links to positive outcomes when reaching a goal; star charts linked directly to dollar amounts (e.g. 1 star = 1 dollar); pocket money for jobs completed and a set roster of jobs for a set amount of money. None of these have worked for us in the long term.
The reasons for their failure are varied but probably fall into the following two issues:
- we were not consistent either in our approach or in handing out money earned at the right time, or in suggesting jobs so that pocket money came regularly
- bargaining got out of hand - with poor boundaries we ended up using stars as the go-to for all discipline. This is an ongoing problem in our household, as hubby tends to escalate any situation!
Curious, I asked her how the system worked for her and if she could explain it. Fascinated I learnt the following:
- Each child has a set amount of weekly money allotted to them, say $5.
- This amount requires them to do some jobs around the house (we didn't go into the details)
- The ticks were for when the child did something without being asked, or something extra special.
- Crosses happened if the child dragged their feet at doing tasks expected of them or particularly poor behaviour.
- For each tick an extra dollar was given out, and for crosses, a dollar taken away.
I think the reasons for its success are the boundaries and certainties inherent in the system, for both children and parents. For example, our son who is 5, currently gets $3 a week as his starting money. As parents, we don't want to give him nothing each week, so we are very circumspect about giving out crosses to him, and very conscious that because he can have outbursts of 5 year old behaviour, we need to encourage him with earning extra ticks (to counter any potential crosses he might build up!) As parents we don't want to allow our children to build up an extreme amount of ticks in one week, so we are tweaking the 'expected jobs for basic money' to fit in with a fair amount of responsibility. In our house that isn't very much, it is little things like getting dressed and waiting at the front door for school the first time we ask in the morning instead of the 50th!
Our big children are excited and happy to be saving their money up for treats, and so far we have been regular with pocket money on a Saturday morning because it is an easy day to duck out and get whatever change is needed, plus we always have Sunday up our sleeve if we stuff up on Saturday!!!
I am not as neat and organised as my friend with the pretty blackboard - here is our chart!
This week has been not as easy on our eldest, but looking at the chart, as parents, we know we can encourage some behaviours to get those ticks back there, and be aware to be less 'reactive' as parents and not give out any more crosses - helps keep our boundaries and prevents us from going overboard using the pocket money as a significant discipline / bribery technique. I'm cautiously happy having pocket money bribery in the parenting toolbox so to speak, but not so keen on it being our primary parenting tool!
Before writing this post, I did a quick scan of the information in cyberspace about pocket money. The gist of the information 'out there' is that everyone agrees money handling skills such as budgeting, saving, goal achievement, responsibility and more. Questions of whether work should be done to earn pocket money, and what children are expected to pay for are tactfully left as an individual family decision :) For me, I am hoping we have found the balance in our household and this system will continue to work in a balanced way.
Interestingly I also found this page with links to pocket money apps. I've never used an app for pocket money, can't imagine doing so now, but you might like to check it out - 5 Free Allowance Apps.
I also particularly like this article, discussing how our children have a tendency to expect things for free! My middle child is in danger of this, owing to some compensating issues the hubby doesn't seem ready to shake. I am hoping this pocket money system will at least provide some counterpoint to the issue of it 'raining free toys' as sometimes happens here :(
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Add in what you want ... in life!
A wise friend once said this to me regarding changing my dietary habits for the better. I was concerned with how to manage the daunting prospect of attempting a raw food based diet. She simply said "Don't focus on taking out the wrong foods, just add in the good foods."
It occurs to me that this is a terrific motto for all aspects of life. Forget what isn't working, ignore it. Focus on what does work, what nourishes, inspires and leaves you feeling good. Do that more. And things will naturally improve.
I have been following this advice with my diet for over a year and for the most part, despite many difficult circumstances, including times when I felt like we lived off takeaway food, I still would make the effort to add in my leafy green Kale (super leaf for my arthritis) and Cos and other salad. Overall, with the exception of 6 weeks when Dad was in hospital over summer, my improvements to diet have been consistent, so much so that as I snack now I automatically go to add Kale! I almost made myself a jam sandwich twice today (normally I don't even eat bread) and both times have stopped myself and grabbed Kale instead. Sure, I buttered the bread (another thing that I almost never do), but at least along with the bad food, I've given myself two serves of vitamin goodness.
While advocating for my Dad over and over again with new nurses, new doctors, and then repeating the entire process upon his return to the nursing home, I realise now that the technique I've learnt is much the same. There is only a limited time when you have these healthcare providers ear, before their other demands take them away. I've learnt to focus on what I want most during that tiny window of opportunity, and to hell with other, small issues. Most of all, I try to refrain from comment about what I do not like. It just doesn't wash. If they have been lax in looking after his hygiene, but there is a much greater concern about whether he needs oxygen assistance, then I stick to querying his breathing. Eventually the other factors are resolved. Its the biggest, most important and critical stuff I want them to pay attention to first.
I know it has worked in my household cleaning. As long as I'm realistic and remember that I need to pay attention to the whole house sometimes, there has been some real consistency happening in the last couple of years with making new habits around the kitchen, laundry and floors.
This doing more of what you want to see more of works for exercise too, particulary with me now that I've been inspired by the workout of dancing at a concert for 3 hours (twice!) I am finding it very easy to get out there and get more exercise with walking, jumping, jogging, whatever I can fit into the busy days.
Most of all, I think that seeing as I am dreaming of a beach holiday, I should make the most of the beach that is nearby and visit more often. Perhaps that will help manifest one further afield. If not, at least I'll have enjoyed the local beaches!
I challenge you to this month, and until the end of May, find one area of your life where you can 'add in' something you desire, simply by prioritising it and adding it in right now!
It occurs to me that this is a terrific motto for all aspects of life. Forget what isn't working, ignore it. Focus on what does work, what nourishes, inspires and leaves you feeling good. Do that more. And things will naturally improve.
I have been following this advice with my diet for over a year and for the most part, despite many difficult circumstances, including times when I felt like we lived off takeaway food, I still would make the effort to add in my leafy green Kale (super leaf for my arthritis) and Cos and other salad. Overall, with the exception of 6 weeks when Dad was in hospital over summer, my improvements to diet have been consistent, so much so that as I snack now I automatically go to add Kale! I almost made myself a jam sandwich twice today (normally I don't even eat bread) and both times have stopped myself and grabbed Kale instead. Sure, I buttered the bread (another thing that I almost never do), but at least along with the bad food, I've given myself two serves of vitamin goodness.
While advocating for my Dad over and over again with new nurses, new doctors, and then repeating the entire process upon his return to the nursing home, I realise now that the technique I've learnt is much the same. There is only a limited time when you have these healthcare providers ear, before their other demands take them away. I've learnt to focus on what I want most during that tiny window of opportunity, and to hell with other, small issues. Most of all, I try to refrain from comment about what I do not like. It just doesn't wash. If they have been lax in looking after his hygiene, but there is a much greater concern about whether he needs oxygen assistance, then I stick to querying his breathing. Eventually the other factors are resolved. Its the biggest, most important and critical stuff I want them to pay attention to first.
I know it has worked in my household cleaning. As long as I'm realistic and remember that I need to pay attention to the whole house sometimes, there has been some real consistency happening in the last couple of years with making new habits around the kitchen, laundry and floors.
This doing more of what you want to see more of works for exercise too, particulary with me now that I've been inspired by the workout of dancing at a concert for 3 hours (twice!) I am finding it very easy to get out there and get more exercise with walking, jumping, jogging, whatever I can fit into the busy days.
Most of all, I think that seeing as I am dreaming of a beach holiday, I should make the most of the beach that is nearby and visit more often. Perhaps that will help manifest one further afield. If not, at least I'll have enjoyed the local beaches!
I challenge you to this month, and until the end of May, find one area of your life where you can 'add in' something you desire, simply by prioritising it and adding it in right now!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
The Big Routine - What do I need?
Vegetable gardening week has thus far been an abyssmal flop. I did have one day of planting, and managed to acquire some cuttings
of Nasturtium, that are excellent for keeping away pests. So instead of updating on the nonexistent
veggie progress, I’m taking sometime out to review my month’s blogging to see
what kind of routines that have been on my mind. Hopefully it will give me some idea of a
daily cleaning routine that I can then experiment with next week.
A personalised summary of routine cleaning and organising from previous blogs shows the features my cleaning routine needs to have:
How to apply these criteria is coming up in part 2 of the
big routine!
A personalised summary of routine cleaning and organising from previous blogs shows the features my cleaning routine needs to have:
1.
Using the electronic diary in the phone for all
family commitments works
2.
I like to make cleaning fun, with games, aps and
fun sounding things like 27 fling boogie.
3.
I can’t clean ‘all the things’ at night late, it
leads to insomnia!
4.
Focussing on one area a week works well to
remind me to prioritise cleaning
5.
It would be beneficial to have regular visitors
to keep a level of cleaning frenzy going
6.
Whenever possible, always leave every room
brighter (eg pickup rubbish/junk) throughout every day
7.
Regularly cleanout the fridge before bin day,
pay bills as soon as they arrive (I’ve had some disappear into the paper
piles!), upload pictures at least monthly, send greetings quarterly.
8.
Spend at least 2 hours everyday on cleaning
until the chaos is controlled.
9.
Have 2 days in a row alone in the house to clean
every fortnight at least, again until it is controlled.
10.
Keep on top of my teeth and hair care to keep me
feeling presentable to the world
11.
Make effort to have some ‘emergency’ supplies to
be prepared for changes.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
The Clean Floor Game
One of the jobs for the weekend was to do a cleanup of the floors all around the house. On a whim this morning, I decided to turn that into a game, to keep things interesting. I'm a big fan of UFYH (Unfuck Your Habitat) and enjoy their phone ap - I find the randomness of the suggestions really suits me.
So I found a container to use as a 'jar' and wrote the names of all the rooms /areas of my house on scraps of paper and tossed them in. The idea being that I would draw out a room, clean the floor in that room, and then take a break doing some jigsaw puzzle in between rooms. I get tired quickly from bending over jigsaws, so the break would be self-limiting automatically. This is the jigsaw:
It worked beautifully. The first room I drew was the kitchen, so the whole floor had toys and random stuff picked up and was swept. Then my break was a little bit of jigsaw and some X-box games with my son. My daughter got caught up in the enthusiasm, and did her own little bit of cleaning of a junk room upstairs (she lucked out and drew a hard spot to clean). Here's the extremely simple 'pot luck' container:
Many interuptions later, the front verandah got thoroughly cleaned up, cat litter changed and swept. Then the stairs which in my house tend to collect things at the bottom that need to go up, plus other random flotsam were cleared off all the clutter.
Sadly my cleaning spree was not to be however, and I spent most of the day visiting and caring for my Dad. I finished this special something for a friend while with him.
In the end, I am tempted to keep up this game as a way of getting through the tidying up more often. I can see me using it on floors, but it might work for other things, like '27 fling boogie'. In such a big, cluttered house with a husband who tends to leave things on the floor, I find it difficult to be in 10 places at once to pick up after him and the children. This little game will make it easier, particularly if I'm lucky enough to have a day at home when we are both able to play it, in 2 different rooms at once.
I hope that your weekend has been as productive as mine. (and that you are more prepared for Monday than me - thats my job before bedtime - getting lunchboxes ready and uniforms ironed)!
So I found a container to use as a 'jar' and wrote the names of all the rooms /areas of my house on scraps of paper and tossed them in. The idea being that I would draw out a room, clean the floor in that room, and then take a break doing some jigsaw puzzle in between rooms. I get tired quickly from bending over jigsaws, so the break would be self-limiting automatically. This is the jigsaw:
It worked beautifully. The first room I drew was the kitchen, so the whole floor had toys and random stuff picked up and was swept. Then my break was a little bit of jigsaw and some X-box games with my son. My daughter got caught up in the enthusiasm, and did her own little bit of cleaning of a junk room upstairs (she lucked out and drew a hard spot to clean). Here's the extremely simple 'pot luck' container:
Many interuptions later, the front verandah got thoroughly cleaned up, cat litter changed and swept. Then the stairs which in my house tend to collect things at the bottom that need to go up, plus other random flotsam were cleared off all the clutter.
Sadly my cleaning spree was not to be however, and I spent most of the day visiting and caring for my Dad. I finished this special something for a friend while with him.
In the end, I am tempted to keep up this game as a way of getting through the tidying up more often. I can see me using it on floors, but it might work for other things, like '27 fling boogie'. In such a big, cluttered house with a husband who tends to leave things on the floor, I find it difficult to be in 10 places at once to pick up after him and the children. This little game will make it easier, particularly if I'm lucky enough to have a day at home when we are both able to play it, in 2 different rooms at once.
I hope that your weekend has been as productive as mine. (and that you are more prepared for Monday than me - thats my job before bedtime - getting lunchboxes ready and uniforms ironed)!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Cleanup Challenge - the Final Review
Last week I was busy doing my 30 minutes a day cleanup. It taught me a lot about motivation, and about the limitations of my illness (cleanup at night is bad for sleeping). It also did get me out of a few bad habits and into some good ones.
Bad habits that bit the dust last week during cleanup challenge were:
1. Resentment at jobs not done by my husband. This week past, I just got on with doing them myself.
2. Avoiding the rooms that are cluttered or messed up. This has been a big one for me, as the longer I avoid a room, the more opportunity that my clutterbug husband has been in it making a disaster area! So getting myself throughout the whole house daily has been important.
And the positive habits I am beginning have been:
1. Leaving each room a little brighter. This goes hand in hand with the whole concept of a daily clean-up and some days this is the way I spent my whole 30 minutes of the cleanup challenge, just going back and forth brightening up by de-messing. I have even started contemplating indoor plants again!
2. Continuing good habits in the laundry - I've made an effort to keep up the good progress from the laundry challenge and continue to complete a load of washing, not just keep putting more and more in the machine until the clean laundry ends up all over the laundry floor!
3. Keeping busy. Its kind of like leaving the room brighter, but more about the energy. I've just made sure that I have kept moving, kept cleaning and tidying as I go, rather than stopping to let myself get bogged down thinking about it all, I'm just getting stuck into the cleaning.
Today's keeping busy has rather shocked me - I seem to have blitzed a few things. I've been maintaining the newly cleared off windowsills free of my husband's attempts with several stray items over the past week or so to re-clutter the sill area with random things including: an electrical plug, random spices outside of my spice basket, washing up that needed doing (yes he put this on the windowsill!) and at one stage the random knives that USED to live up there were returned by him instead of thrown out! Never a dull moment living with a clutterer.
Bad habits that bit the dust last week during cleanup challenge were:
1. Resentment at jobs not done by my husband. This week past, I just got on with doing them myself.
2. Avoiding the rooms that are cluttered or messed up. This has been a big one for me, as the longer I avoid a room, the more opportunity that my clutterbug husband has been in it making a disaster area! So getting myself throughout the whole house daily has been important.
And the positive habits I am beginning have been:
1. Leaving each room a little brighter. This goes hand in hand with the whole concept of a daily clean-up and some days this is the way I spent my whole 30 minutes of the cleanup challenge, just going back and forth brightening up by de-messing. I have even started contemplating indoor plants again!
2. Continuing good habits in the laundry - I've made an effort to keep up the good progress from the laundry challenge and continue to complete a load of washing, not just keep putting more and more in the machine until the clean laundry ends up all over the laundry floor!
3. Keeping busy. Its kind of like leaving the room brighter, but more about the energy. I've just made sure that I have kept moving, kept cleaning and tidying as I go, rather than stopping to let myself get bogged down thinking about it all, I'm just getting stuck into the cleaning.
Today's keeping busy has rather shocked me - I seem to have blitzed a few things. I've been maintaining the newly cleared off windowsills free of my husband's attempts with several stray items over the past week or so to re-clutter the sill area with random things including: an electrical plug, random spices outside of my spice basket, washing up that needed doing (yes he put this on the windowsill!) and at one stage the random knives that USED to live up there were returned by him instead of thrown out! Never a dull moment living with a clutterer.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Habits v's Guilt
Today has me thinking about the way to make a new habit. All the experts say, do something for 30 consecutive days and its a habit. Great. In my experience about all I manage in 30 consecutive days is eating and sleeping (the blog hasn't made it that far even). However I do have some thoughts on the tricky balance between trying to create a new habit, and being swamped by guilt and despair at being unable to stick at anything for 30 days. This line of thought is triggered by circumstances today. Not only am I still up at the hospital with Dad trying to get him enough pain relief, but my elder daughter came down with flu-like symptoms and needed a close eye for a while there. So my plans to conquer the lawn went awry about 10am. Although the mower and the lawn had a pretty big get together before that and between us, my husband and I mowed about 1/3 of the block. Go us! 
Then there was juggling the whole sick girl, pained father issue. It basically took over the day. Spending a bit of it reading "The Hobbit" aloud to my sick girl and both of us falling asleep took up a few hours! I'll write more about that another time. What I am realising however is that the past few days, allocating 'extra' time to cleaning the house is what I need to be doing every day. Not just sometimes. Because life will continue to happen, not every day is going to give me a free 3 hours to declutter. I can apply the pricipal I learnt when pregnant with my eldest child. In order to prevent gestational diabetes, I took up exercise. My husband and I walked every evening for 20 minutes around the neighbourhood. Those walks became a daily routine. But there were days they didn't happen. sometimes even multiple days in a row. Normally after a few days of missed walking I'd be so filled with guilt and it would serve only to hold me back and make getting out the door bigger than ben hur and too big a deal, too hard. What I learnt 9 years ago however (and seem to have forgotten) is that it doesn't matter if you miss a day, or how many days you miss. All you need to do is pick yourself up and keep going. Just don't 'stop' or even think that you've stopped. I need to apply this principle to my cleaning. 
In my case its not just about swimming, but how much swimming! I need to remember to keep swimming at least 2 hours a day to get any progress! I find I've been unable to do this as yet, but from here on the idea is to just transfer that mindset from evening walks to devoting sufficient time to the cleanliness of the house. It just simply has to be done. Too many years and too much illness and neglect. The time to change all of it is now. I also had a scary thought I'll be saving for later. If I have too much stuff to look after, then I need less stuff to make life easier!!! OR, what I'm trying first, is spending more time every day on upkeep.
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