So here I sit, as I attempt to come to terms with the past few months lack of decisiveness on the issue of a European Bruce holiday, and wracked with agony over the correct date to hold my daughter's 2nd birthday party, and where.
And then I realise. I've been hit with the indecisiveness bug. That one that bites you on the derriere as soon as you let it creep back into your life. And so began my Internet search for answers to party problem (the Bruce Springsteen problem now rests entirely on the outcome of a competition for tickets to Cardiff on 23rd July).
And I was first struck by this quote “Indecision is often worse than wrong action.” – Henry Ford
That's the crux of it isn't it? There is no point wavering from here till eternity wondering, or being in fear of being wrong. It was a matter of just doing it. Which solved my problem with the birthday party at least. I made decisions. Plenty of them. First I would let / encourage the active participation of my elder children who want to be the ones throwing their sister a party. Going along with that theme, to keep their enthusiasm, I chose the nearer party date, and for our home to be the location, despite my fears, because it would be easier for them. Decision made, I figure in terms of parties it couldn't possibly go as wrong as my elder daughter's 3rd birthday party that had to be cancelled on the day (as some guests arrived) because her baby brother was born that morning at home!
As the day wore on, the links between this birthday party, my decreased happiness and my total lack of commitment to my 'dream' of seeing Bruce and the ESB in Europe became more obvious. I see now that my uncertainty and tentativeness meant that I was never going to be going to Europe, I simply did not show the commitment and determination necessary.
I had walked straight into the problem identified by this website
However, the problem with being indecisive about the bigger things is that
often, the window of opportunity to make a decision is limited and so if someone
can’t make a decision for themselves, other people or changing circumstances
make the decision for them.
That was me. Circumstances of less than a fortnight left of the European tour (and possibly the whole Wrecking Ball Tour) make it logistically almost impossible now to get the family to Europe.
So I reason with myself a little. I console myself that I've lost 13kgs, and that is a good thing. I argue that my house cleaning is still not completed, but that signs are promising as I'm making terrific progress. Most of all I apply the most basic reason - that it is really scary the idea of taking the family to Europe and that I've spent the money on children's school fees and sports tuition.
But I'm not at all impressed with my weeks of agony over the birthday party; and I'm certainly not looking forward to the next two weeks of hearing of the last tour gigs. I don't like to think that had I been decisive, the stresses of the past weeks might've been the stresses of getting three children through an international airport to connecting flights, or of finding our accommodation in a strange country. But no.
So my Internet search led me to this page, where the following quote gives me pause for thought:
“A test of mental strength is the ability to take firm decisions. Indecision is always a sign of mental weakness. It shows there are unresolved conflicts within you. And conflicts undermine the integrity of the personality. If we remain in a state of indecision for a long time, instead of gaining strength we become weaker. To remain in a state of indecision and then to try to make your mind strong is stupid. We must be very decisive about small things. Then we find it easier to take decisions about bigger things. Even the smallest thing in life is to be done consciously, intelligently, decisively, coordinating all of the faculties – feeling, thinking, and willing. Cultivate good habits early in life. A well regulated life is of great help. If we follow a strict routine every day, many of the little problems in life will not create indecision and worries. Then we get more energy and time for bigger things. We must not lie in bed and go on thinking for half an hour, ‘Shall I get up or not?’ Either get up immediately or sleep for another half an hour, but do not remain in an indecisive state. Indecision is very harmful. Let not the little things of life nag you constantly and dissipate your energies.” Swami Avdheshanand.
So many factors there. I recently searched on the emotional causes of rheumatoid arthritis, and funnily enough, it said unresolved conflicts!
Putting that little gem aside for a moment, the website suggests the following steps to improving that mental strength:
1. Spend a few days noticing when you are caught in the clutches of indecision – what types of things are bothering you? Are they small things or big things? How much time do you devote to make simple decisions?
2. Pick one thing to focus on, something that you constantly struggle with (it could be what time to get up in the morning, what to eat that day, what outfit to wear). Make sure it’s a small thing to start with so you don’t make it too difficult for yourself.
3. Next time you find yourself struggling to choose on your chosen subject, remind yourself mentally “I am a decisive person and I will not waste my time and energy with this.”
4. Now – simply pick one option. Make a decision quickly and commit to it. It doesn’t matter if it’s the right decision or not – just do it.
5. Let it go. Refrain from labouring about whether you made the right choice or not and move on. Do something immediately that really does matter to you – and if possible something that will make a positive difference to your life or to the lives of others.
- See more at: http://simplelifestrategies.com/5-steps-to-overcome-indecision/#sthash.5FZbFF6V.dpuf
Or, to follow the suggestion a friend made a few weeks ago about the housework. Decide to do SOME (e.g. start with just one thing like emptying the dishwasher) or decide not to. Don't agonise over everything, because that is a total waste of time. At least if I decide not to do housework, I'll be free to ENJOY whatever else I do instead, making it at least a fun use of my time :)
I've been totally missing this obvious common sense over Bruce Springsteen's Tour, and again about the birthday party ideas. Now I just need to make the most of where I am now. I know I feel better for having made the decisions about the party, and with a light heart, rather than a doubting one. So far all the rest of the decisions about my little girl's party have come easier and easier because I'm committed to it.
I'll spend some time thinking about those 5 steps and about conflict!
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