The Big Pineapple Midnight Oil Experience

One wet October night….

The rain just won’t stop falling today even. One more day and perhaps Midnight Oil would have been cancelled, given the conditions. I’m glad it wasn’t, despite the fact we stood in the driving rain for hours, getting slowly colder and wetter, right up until getting home.

The organisation was a bit shit, with over an hours wait for the shuttle bus from Nambour, but in the end we arrived while it was still daylight and before the 2nd support act, The Living End. Being with friends there was a little bit of faffing around choosing a spot, and we started our night high up on the hill with a tiny view, which was a fun spot to listen to the Living End who I enjoyed quite a bit, especially their sense of humour about the weather. Phoebe loved their double bass and the insanity of the “pizzicato” and antics of the bass player. I think she’s suddenly found a new instrumental passion.

But then Midnight Oil came on and I can’t remember what came before! By then we’d moved to a spot on the side of the hill where we could see the whole stage and enjoy the full view of Peter Garrett’s dancing which has changed only by virtue of having slowed down in the past 25 years!!!! He looks like himself in slow motion 

I loved the political messages; it felt good to know my values matched the values they were singing about. I must admit that it was odd being uncertain if we were in a like-minded crowd! I was especially disappointed by the half-hearted sounding support when Peter talked about what I think was his crowning achievement as Environment Minister, which was saving the Mary River from a stupid stupid dam. I was cheering as loud as I could but it felt like I was the only one on the whole hillside shouting my support. That was uncomfortable and I felt embarrassed as here we were, in the heart of the country he’d saved from environmental stupidity and no-one voicing their appreciation. The sentiment wasn’t really helped when people seemed to leave after the big screens displayed huge “Vote YES’ messages. I would like to think it was the spate of heavy rainfall at the time, but the rain eased and I’m sure some of the crowd didn’t seem to return. It always amazes me when people say they are a fan of a musician but they don’t agree with their politics or world view. The concept challenges me. Not sure how you can listen to an Oils song multiple times and not ‘get’ it.

The highlight for me was the entire second half really. From the moment that they started playing “When the Generals Talk” I was in another place. It was just incredible when they played Generals, Short Memory then US Forces in a row.

My next big emotional moment was Blue Sky Mine. Although Peter gave an emotional speech about Adani by way of introduction, the reality of Asbestos mining is close to home for me. My Mum’s been gone for 15 years because of Asbestos cancer so the words “If the Blue Sky Mining Company won’t come to my rescue, who’s going to save me?” really means quite a bit. No-one saved my Mum. The Blue Sky Mining Company (James Hardie) certainly hasn’t saved anyone. They’ve avoided all compensation and Peter Garrett well knows this, hence the song. Rain hid a lot of tears but wonderful cathartic tears of enjoyment of the communion of great music.

I probably could have listened to their entire back catalogue all night had it not been pouring rain, so as the night wrapped up with the favourites and we knew it was soon to be over the timing seemed perfect, it was time to go home and get dry. The overwhelming sense of peace once on the dry bus (DRY BUS!!) really struck me. While Springsteen leaves you feeling energised and ready to tackle mountains after his performances, I feel that Midnight Oil left us feeling deeply at peace with the world. That is truly something special!

When it seems harder to get the family to pitch in

Every single day. That's how often it seems harder to get the family to do their fair share of the housework. I live with extremely reluctant domestic assistance. They are happy to take food cooked for them and happy to watch TV paid for by my work, but help out, that is painful.

And yet it is clear to me that I need to embrace how challenging it is to get them to get off their butts and do work and continually prod them into participating. On the odd occasion when I do get them to shuffle around helping the amount of work that gets done is remarkable.

So that is my goal for today, this week, the rest of this month. Get everyone moving & cleaning with me.

First I need to overcome the other challenges. Urgh.

What is "Organising Energy"?

After posting my holiday jigsaw pic on twitter, it occurred to me that Organising Energy has a considerable image problem, namely that it potentially seems totally disorganised! Although I'm the first to agree that my blogs and tweets  lack cohesion or structure, in their own way they remain true to the theme and intention of the purpose of my creating this blog and twitter account.

Organising Energy was born from my desperate desire to have a home that was less cluttered; however right from the beginning I realised that the concept of cluttered living wasn't as simple as having a bit of a clean out. My research and experience in my home had already showed me that my state of mind and health have a significant impact on how effectively I kept clutter at bay on a day to day basis. So health, attitude, wellness of mind all become part of the complexity. As I discover more about all thee facets of living I find that mental and emotional clutter impact on the state of energy - so much depends on a healthy mind and body!

Which leads me to the most rewarding discovery of 2013 - the incredible power of music. Both my husband and I rediscovered the positive energy created by enjoyment of live music.  Live music, and indeed other events that bring together humanity in a shared experience (footy grand finals, tai chi) serve a purpose in emotional regulation and spiritual refreshment.

I'm writing this piece now in 2016, three years later, due to an extended period of distraction in my life. The concept of 'organising energy' for me has not changed; it remains about the holistic reality of mind, spirit, body and physical environment coming together as the energy of my life.  I've been carrying on with these principles to varying extents in the past couple of years and the truism remains. One needs to regulate all aspects regularly to make progress.

So that is why my 'organising energy' can cover such a wide range of topics. The physical project for me is to live in a less cluttered, more aesthetically pleasing home, however the journey to that is not one that involves holding items to check for 'joy', or 'becoming minimalist'.

I hope you are interested in following along that journey as I pick up blogging again.

Happiness has at least 15 steps?

I was recently linked this article on facebook.  It struck me as such a truth that I needed to save it where I could find it again. I am also quite impressed that it was the final prompt to re-open this blog. Leaving it there for now.

The Big Routine - Part 2 only took 2 years!

I amuse myself. Someone has got to be finding this funny.  I decided to trawl back through anniversary posts - somewhat in disbelief that I've been blogging for 2 years!   Around this time two years ago, this was the post I came up with:

The Big Routine - What do I need?

Vegetable gardening week has thus far been an abyssmal flop.  I did have one day of planting, and managed to acquire some cuttings of Nasturtium, that are excellent for keeping away pests.  So instead of updating on the nonexistent veggie progress, I’m taking sometime out to review my month’s blogging to see what kind of routines that have been on my mind.  Hopefully it will give me some idea of a daily cleaning routine that I can then experiment with next week.

A personalised summary of routine cleaning and organising from previous blogs shows the features my cleaning routine needs to have:

1.       Using the electronic diary in the phone for all family commitments works

2.       I like to make cleaning fun, with games, aps and fun sounding things like 27 fling boogie.

3.       I can’t clean ‘all the things’ at night late, it leads to insomnia!

4.       Focussing on one area a week works well to remind me to prioritise cleaning

5.       It would be beneficial to have regular visitors to keep a level of cleaning frenzy going

6.       Whenever possible, always leave every room brighter (eg pickup rubbish/junk) throughout every day

7.       Regularly cleanout the fridge before bin day, pay bills as soon as they arrive (I’ve had some disappear into the paper piles!), upload pictures at least monthly, send greetings quarterly.

8.       Spend at least 2 hours everyday on cleaning until the chaos is controlled.

9.       Have 2 days in a row alone in the house to clean every fortnight at least, again until it is controlled.

10.   Keep on top of my teeth and hair care to keep me feeling presentable to the world

11.   Make effort to have some ‘emergency’ supplies to be prepared for changes.

 How to apply these criteria is coming up in part 2 of the big routine!

I find it incredibly funny and interesting to read this post. Some of these realisations have been such important mainstays in my life during the past two years, and others I am highly amused at the wishful thinking involved!

1. Using the electronic diary in my phone - this was a terrific thing, although I'm a feel it see it kind of person, so I reverted in 2014 to a funky paper diary that was heavy and annoying but didn't break when it was dropped. Right now I'm struggling by with day-to-day keeping it in my head, but I'm starting to fondly think of a diary system. I'm even considering giving all 3 children their own diary as my eldest's previous school did this from Prep and to be honest I think it teaches some excellent skills. You've got to remember what you're doing somehow.

2. Making cleaning fun - not only did I enjoy making cleaning fun, but it is an excellent way to rope in the children. We now have weekend competitions to go up cleaning 'levels' and I still occasionally use apps like "Unfuck my Habitat" and "Chore Wars". I constantly make a game out of small tasks that I ask the children to do and I have recently become very reliant on "27 Fling Boogie" by the Fly Lady.

3. Housework induced insomnia - still a real threat to my sanity. I rarely do any housework after 9pm, despite the need.

4. Focussing on one area and doing the cha cha at the same time - nope, that isn't happening. What is happening is that I do try to balance between de-junking or a deeper cleaning project and keeping on top of the laundry and dishwashing mountains. I don't take the concept of such balance very seriously.

5. Regular visitors - irregularly this is happening. In fact this is one area where it would be entirely sensible for me to make an effort. Life has happened. It is true that regardless of how I want my house clean and tidy for me, it is always easier when there are visitors coming to move more quickly. This is especially true for hubby who will do amazing things like mop the floor if he knows a baby is coming to visit. 

6. Pick up as I go along or 'leave it brighter' - this is incredibly powerful in my opinion. It is something that can be done a little, or a lot. I do it a little :P

7. looking back at this, I see number 7 as "Do ALL THE THINGS!", reminding me of the hilarious blog post about why the writer will never be an adult.  Breaking 7 down into its considerable parts....

• cleanout fridge before bin day - this is a great concept that is often implemented, yahoo!
• pay bills as soon as they arrive - *choke* what was I thinking? OK it is good in theory....
• upload pictures monthly - oh wow, what utopia was this I was dreaming of? In good news, what I have achieved is filing them according to the year and month they were taken. That is something.
• send greetings - obviously once this was written I immediately took to the idea that it was the thought that counted. I'd be lucky to have sent greetings at all in the last 2 years, let alone quarterly. 

8&9. From the same concept as number 4 I am simply not that kind of person who sticks to set chunks of anything. I don't even stick to blogging very well. While a very nice idea, right now I'd be happy to have a weekend alone in the house to tear through some things.

10.  Teeth and hair care - we have charts in this house. This is what they are for. 

11. Emergency supplies and preparation. Actually I'm doing well at this. It makes the whole household run more smoothly.   

And now I'm out of time for blogging and reflection. It was an amusing look back.  

There is no big routine, only many many small ones!

international women's day

I spent international women's day mostly contemplating domesticity - how I spend much of every day!  Interestingly this year I also spent the evening driving to Brisbane to see Jake Clemons with my good friend. While I was there, enjoying Jake's soulful performance I was still contemplating things on the home front. Jake's music leads itself to such introspection as he pauses during one song to remind us that the answers are inside of ourselves.

One of the hardest lessons that I am still struggling with is that you cannot change others, always the only changes you can make are within you.

So on international women's day, what is it that I want to change in myself that will improve things for myself and my daughters?

Typing while waiting for my child at school in a rare moment of "spare" time I am struck by how many things I juggle at the moment - and how likely it is that  many women experience similar levels of "juggling all the things"  at least the soundtrack right now is relaxing "I come from the Land Down Under" that the children are dancing to. 

Of all the roles I have at the moment the one I have resolved to improve on international women's day is that of wife. I've been concentrating on being a daughter and a mother for so many years that being a wife has taken a backseat.

Given that I'm juggling a gazillion things right now with family and household madness, my resolution is simple, despite finding a plethora of well-meaning advice of the subject of relationships.  I resolve to simply remember how much my husband devoted his time to supporting my Dad in the past few years. When my Dad needed an ambulance, he would call, when he needed an urgent doctor's script, he would arrange it. When Dad needed someone to stay with him overnight to make sure his oxygen stayed on while recovering from pneumonia, he would stay with him. He helped my Dad with all aspects of living, and was so deeply involved in his daily care.

So my IWD resolution this year is to remember the kindnesses that my husband gave my Dad.  I'll be remembering it when I disagree with his parenting, when I am picking up his clothes off the floor, when I am cranky that he 'forgot' to do a chore I asked him to help with, or when he's been home all day and not done the washing up.  I'll make my decisions from a place of love, not a place of fear.

I don't feel 'feminist' about this resolution, but I do feel very 'humanist'; that teaching girls to be strong is more about openly communicating about the challenges faced as a woman than demanding things from an individual than they may not be willing or capable of giving.  

A thank you for Jake Clemons

As I lie beside my restless little person, listening to the storm outside thinking about bringing us some rain I'm reminded of an August night last year, driving into Brisbane to the Old Museum Building in gentle misty rain to discover a little about Jake  Clemons' music.

That day I remember being pleasantly surprised by not only the mastery he has with voice and instruments alike, but how much the lyrics resonated with me, as did Jake's anecdotes about his journey to particular songs.

I've been excited about revisiting Jake's music since the Solbar wS announced as his tour start venue, so close to home for me!!  So much has passed since last August and I badly needed the time out that music brings.

The set did not disappoint - all my favourites and some new favourites now too!

We had a blast trying to make saxophone music as requested and I surprised myself at keeping a beat for at least half of one song!!!

 I was in awe of how a song about saying goodbye as a musician on the road can also hold true for the fraction of time and light that dementia allows you into someone's life - so often I was saying goodbye to Dad minutes after arriving to see him :(

I love Song for Hope, "a little hope will go a long way" such a simple concept but woven so cleverly into the complexity of human emotion and striking to the centre of human experience - I've spent the last few years living in that space, making the little hope stretch. Thank you for writing this song Jake!!!!

By the time Jake had finished introducing "bittersweet" I was already emotional at the parallels between his stories and my own. I think I spent a great deal of that particular song feeling all the feelings!

This was a particularly poignant set for me, a cleansing of the emotions and spirit, thank you Jake, you were such a gentleman tonight and I'm sure we all appreciated what a special night we were treated to!!!

Have a wonderful not at all bittersweet tour!

What gets me through

So life is a lot different now. In so many many ways. Some of which I discussed in my last post. Many of which I haven't yet even identified, Dad was such an integral part of who I am, and certainly who I became in the last two years.

We had a terrible thing happen to one of our children three weeks after Dad's death. That taught me the humility of being in shock, and the formidable-ness of being a parent, protecting and empowering my child whilst falling apart myself.  It also gave me reason to be grateful for the kind souls who have helped me through those weeks since.

people who help
In this instance, as with other moments of extreme need, it has been a few reliable dear friends, and some very considerate far-away friends, and even near-strangers who have made an effort to reach out to me in my need. Thank you, beautiful women.

giving the problem to a higher power
I've also had opportunity to really consider what it means to give away the problems to a higher power. I never considered that 'higher power' could be metaphorically simply 'giving away' the problem to my GP for instance. However on Sunday, that is exactly what happened. I informed my GP that since my child's traumatic event I was not coping so well, and no sooner had that problem been passed to him, and I felt better. I don't think this would be everyone's recipe for 'higher power' as not everyone has a GP they've known since they were 12, with the integrity and practicality of mine!   However on the subject of higher powers, I realise too, that in a sense, I would actually take my life and its problems to my Dad on a regular basis. I never troubled Dad with commentary on my challenges, but rather in our quiet silences, or in our contemplation of the deep red Azaleas in the garden I believe I was in the habit of quietly unpacking and dumping my problems out, in some of of ritual of my own, involving an appreciation of the perspective that if Dad could cope under the terrible conditions of a nursing home and be pleased about anything at all, then my whole life and its problems couldn't possibly be insurmountable. (even if they were!)

savouring the positive moments
Today I was really struggling at one point. Then I really looked at what I had. My two happy children frolicking in the pool in dappled sunlight, a perfect summer's day.  And I thought on that and felt grateful for that until I truly did feel blessed to witness such calm, unfettered peace.  I need to continue to take the time to appreciate everything I can.

routines are my friend
I am sticking with existing routines and making new ones! I'm still doing Tai Chi and now I've discovered that a weekly trip to the movies does wonders that I can't live without at the moment.

feeling the 'Dadness'
One of the things that really helped me to feel that blessed sense of happiness was that I made myself see the picture with Dad's eyes. He would have laughed and been delighted at the kids playing, and he would have said to me "Don't worry about all that other nonsense, you'll be all right" I'm blessed to have the opportunity to learn from him, even after he has passed.

feeling the pain
It is easy to try to 'cope' to push aside indignity and pain. Sometimes it is necessary for getting by. But feeling the pain and hurt and sorrow is also vital to being a whole person. Today after an extremely confronting correspondence from my child's school I was brought to tears during a business phone call. And I owned it, that was my pain and sorrow and it wasn't going to be held in at that point, because it was part of who I am. There are some times when crying might not be a great idea, but also sometimes when it is ok to cry regardless of the circumstances.

change my thinking not solving the problem
I read this in a meme today. It absolutely sums up all of the above and more. It is only by perceiving things differently that I will get through this period in my life in a way that leaves me healthier than coming into it. 

Be kind and loving. (a reminder for myself and an idea to contemplate)

7 of the Ways my Dad improved my life

As usual, I have only a limited amount of time to write this blog. Today I have been particularly mindful of the many myriad of ways that through his illness and final years, my father had an incredible influence on my life.  

I have been really struggling since his death and needed to write this list in order to begin a journey of regrouping my strengths. At the moment I'm suffering a loss that belies the frail old man who was dependent on others.  These are seven of the reasons why my loss is so great, just some of the ways he improved my life:

1. Gratitude - witnessing Dad living in a nursing home, reliant on the courtesy (or lack of it) from other people, relying on their gentleness (or lack thereof), and dependent on them wholly due to his dementia in ways that we can only be horrified at was exhausting emotionally. In order to cope with the sadness of bearing witness to the circumstances it was absolutely necessary to become grateful. Grateful every day that I could help him, give him dignity or something to look forward to; grateful for every day that a 'good' carer was on that he was receiving better treatment that day; grateful that the 'bad' staff were only on for a shift and then would be gone again. Gratitude improves longevity, so learning the lesson of daily gratitude through Dad was incredible.   

2. Acceptance - As Dad declined in health both mentally and physically, he never ever lost his will to live or his enjoyment of what life he had left in him.  As each new indignity of ageing took over his daily life, he accepted it with grace (mostly) and continued to turn instead towards that which made him happy. He lived for his grandchildren's visits, for my visits, to see the sunshine and flowers, and to kiss the hand of his caring staff. He lived for sausages, and other enjoyed foods, and for the smile of a warm person. He taught me that life is about flowers and family and if you can't have either, just find something and enjoy whatever you can. Bless him for that incredible lifelong lesson I hope to pass along to my children.

3. Strength of mind - nothing creates a need for strength of mind like having to find a way to overcome the gulf between wishing to provide total assistance and dignified care to your loved one, and the reality of there being very little you can actually control.  Dad's situation taught me to create my own boundaries around my expectations and actions. He taught me that if I could only help him once a week, that was better than not helping.  Acceptance is a key part of having the strength of mind to decisively think positive instead of despairing, I had to learn to accept that what I did had to be enough simply by telling myself that it was.

4. Boundaries - When someone is in a nursing home or hospital, they are in 'their' world, swallowed up within the systems and rules created by those large institutions.  Learning to navigate the systems first step was to follow the unwritten rules and boundaries. I now know how to look for these in so many areas of life.

5. Communication - Dad's illness taught me so much about humanity. How to get onto his level and communicate with him, as well as how to negotiate and advocate for him. I had plenty of help from some of the kind people in the system, but without Dad I would never have persevered with learning so much about communication, how to find one key point and focus on that, how to not bombard people with everything you want to say, so many things.

6. Patience - waiting for a doctor for 3 hours is a very effective way to build up a head of steam, however it doesn't help anything. Likewise if a nurse isn't coming to a buzzer call fast enough. It helps to simply apply patience to them and get on with something else while you wait.  In the case of more than one buzzer call I simply got on with fixing the problem as best I could myself, knowing they'd turn up eventually. 

7. Determination - of the quiet kind.  Dad simply didn't give up on walking, regardless of who gave up on him. If people unthinkingly were stupid enough to place him in a position from where walking proved impossible, he would simply get around by any other means he could muster, most of which were so ingenious that carers simply didn't believe his determination or intention. Many people under estimated my father, sadly to his detriment, however the determination he showed, right up until the end of his days will stay with me forever.  

Thank you Dad for all you did for me, perhaps without knowing it. I believe though that you did know, and I hope you know how grateful I am for your amazing gifts. Without a father like you, determined and unwavering in your last years I would be poorer for the lack of experience.  Love you Dad. 

An open letter to the medical team treating my father

Dear Doctors

I wish to explain to you my position on my father's treatment while in hospital (and out of hospital for that matter).

Last night, Dad held out his arm, covered in little white dots from blood tests, and made some noises that sounded like he was trying to get a sentence out. I asked him to repeat himself. I couldn't believe what I heard! "Did you just say to me "I've got bad veins"?" I asked him.  He grinned at me with a twinkle in his eye!  Dad was making a joke about his situation, less than 24 hours after waking up from an unconscious state that had lasted 8 days.

My father has dementia. I don't care what 'category' of severity that you wish to classify it as, because your classifications mean nothing to my father, or to us, his family. What means something to us is that he contributes to our life in a positive way, despite the obvious challenges he presents in extra responsibilities. 

Even now, Dad is contributing to the world. In the last week he is teaching me - to never ever give up; to defy those in authority or who think they know better than you what you know to be your own truth. He has taught me during the past two years that there is ALWAYS something to appreciate.  He has inspired his nephew in Melbourne through his tenacity and determination.

My children when faced with his potential death, remember him still as the Grandad who loves them unconditionally, without judgement, and who continued to play with them, even as recently as playing ball early this year.

It is important to remember that he has had many opportunities to leave us through sickness and he chooses not to do so, coming back from the brink through sheer willpower alone.

I have had time to reflect on your suggestion that my father ought to not be treated for any new infections.  I contest that you are mistaken in this assertion.  Australia is a first world country. One of the markers of the wealth of this nation is that we are able to provide health care for our sick, ailing and elderly.  All of them. There should be no judgmental decisions made based on Dad's disease or what your own morality insists about who is worthy. The morality that is relevant here is that of Dad, and of us, his family.  You may be a doctor, but you are not my family's moral compass, nor is that your role. The truth is, that in a poorer country, with limited health resources, a decision about who is most deserving would be relevant, however we are not in that situation. If there is a fiscal problem with supply of medicine on the Sunshine Coast in 2014 then it is politicians we need to pressure, not the family of an elderly man who is determined to live.

Perhaps Dad can provide an important lesson to your young student doctors about the dangers of making assumptions about someone else's quality of life. As an elderly friend pointed out to me last night, there are fit young people in the world with better physical and mental abilities than Dad whose quality of life would be considered poorly, yet those people are not judged when being considered for treatment.  Why should you make this judgement when we are supposed to be a wealthy country?

So it is with delight at the tenacity of a single human being with great lessons still to impart to his family, that I request that you don't just pay lip service to the concept of treatment for my Dad, but you give him the full benefit of medical assistance, including fully discussing with us his necessary nutritional requirements, not just glucose which is making a pretense at assistance, but fully and openly discuss the path to improving Dad's health.  Let's leave the 'will he or won't he survive?' discussion aside, and give him the opportunity to make that decision for himself, with the best possible care from your team to support him.

Dementia v's the world

I wish for a world when a person trying to sit up is not viewed as crazy, where a person with dementia is not viewed as worthless and miserable. Until we live in that world I am going to use some of the energy I've been putting towards caring for my Dad and do what I can to contribute to bettering the treatment of people living with dementia. It is a cruel disease and at the moment we are so far from treating sufferers reasonably let alone with dignity. For instance, in Sunshine Coast hospitals at least, they still treat dementia patients with both risperidol and haloperidol - both of which carry FDA warnings in America as their use has been found to cause higher incidence of death for people with dementia. And here we are, my Dad and I, in a position to be adding to that statistic :(

Happiness - a post-script to Queen / Music Heals

A few things came to me this week. One of those things was the realisation that in this post entitled "Music Heals - Impressions of Queen + Adam Lambert" I never did get back to what I meant by that title.

To be quite blunt about it, over the course of the past year or so, I've discovered (and to some extent, so has science) that happiness actually heals auto-immune disease. Please don't misunderstand me, I don't think that you just have to think happy thoughts and a disease that has plagued you for your entire life will disappear, that isn't what I mean.  From a purely personal perspective, with the kind of disease I have, truly being in a state of happiness works magic on my levels of pain, swelling and from all accounts, actual disease progression.

And music makes me wildly, incredibly happy, ergo the previous title about Queen + Adam Lambert's concert in Brisbane.  I felt so alive, so invigorated and so much less like a disabled ill person when that concert was over. Music brings so much hope, and to be surrounded by such a crowd filled with the joy of living, that is a magical kind of thing. 

It is interesting as I did as much welling up with tears as I did laughing (probably more) during the concert, as Queen's music brings back incredibly sensitive & poignant memories for me.  Yet they were tears of release, of comfort in the music. I felt this also when overwhelmed with emotion at Bruce Springsteen concerts, the tears were all part of the pleasure of the immersion into the music. 

Today, after running out of money at the supermarket and being cranky with the children because I was worried about getting by until Friday I realised that the exact time I needed a happy attitude was right now.  There is no point waiting till things get better to be happy. Happiness is a choice we make and all other choices follow accordingly.  I had not long decided to be happy, then I made all the children yummy afternoon tea, we played soccer, made damper for supper and I was able to handle absolutely everything this evening calmly! It felt so much better than letting myself get distressed over a lack of spending money when we already have everything we need to get by for the week.  It was easy to feel happiness after listening to incredible live music, but not so simple when at home surrounded by life's dramas.

So this week I've set myself a challenge. Not only to pursue happiness, through exercise, what I eat and drink, gratitude and music; but to blog daily until next Monday night about some aspect of how I am going with it. So far the 'formula' is working wonderfully, I'm ready for a good night's rest, not a care in the world! 

Father's Day Memories

My Dad suffers with dementia. He isn't with us in the way he used to be, but his love is strong, and his will to live even stronger. For that I admire and thank him.

My memories of my father and his influence on my life are both intensely positive and surprisingly negative.  

The positive memories include long days in the sun, on the 14 ft boat, soaking up the sunshine and fishing for Whiting, Bream and Flathead. And the excitement of cooking and eating all the fresh fish on the fire at night, then playing 500 late at night in our converted bus camper on Macleay Island in Moreton Bay, Brisbane. The island was like another world, of adventure and fun and as I take my children to regular holiday spots now, I see them gain a little glimpse of my island holiday life and I understand their excitement and wonder. 

I remember long hours driving in the car with Dad, talking. My Dad didn't talk about politics or world events, but he would talk for hours about nature, especially birds and rocks, and about social histories.  He'd also get me doing maths on our long trips, reading the map for how many kilometers to the nearest town, then to the nearest big town, then to the day's final destination! Then as I grew older, the maths became more complicated as I calculated petrol, either how far we'd make it till the petrol station, or how much mileage we got from filling the tank. I learnt to choose accommodation by price and amenities this same way, on our long trips.

The not-so-great memories include many times on summer holidays asking for Dad to show me how to do basic mechanics on my car. Dad was an auto-electrician, so he knew these things. Eventually friends of mine at university showed me how to change the oil in my car. Obviously they were just that little bit less sexist than my Dad who was born between the two world wars and believed that a man's job was to look after a woman and make sure she wanted for nothing. It is possible that his need for this to be true stemmed from his own parents, as his Dad suffered PTSD from World War I and from all accounts his mother perhaps did quite a bit of complaining at having to take over significant amounts of work.  I don't remember her well, but Dad's childhood friends are fond of telling me that she was not particularly generous of spirit!

So this father's day I'm reflecting on how my Dad's parenting reflects on my parenting style....and in order to not make another of Dad's mistakes (at least not right at this instant) I'm off to watch my children wake up their father with toast and coffee they prepared themselves!

Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads out there!

Atlantic City - modernism gone wrong?

Being a Springsteen fan, I'm browsing his 'video of the week' recent additions and after watching the Video for 'Atlantic City' I am struck by how much the meaning of the song resonates with my own beliefs, and also with my own local area.



The video is entirely black and white, adding a sense of lonely isolation. To me it tells the story of life in a changing world.

photo by:  Michael S Fleischmann

Transposing shots of traditional stone and 'modern' architecture is architecturally one of my favourite 'moments' about exploring cities with history. The cold heartlessness of sleek modern design against the artistic, fancy stonework, with traditional works that date back to ancient Greek and Roman designs always sends a shiver down my spine. This video places the contrast beautifully midway through, sending home the coldness of the modern world.

I'm pretty poor with words, more so when I'm limited to a 15 minute window or so to type uninterrupted!  Nonetheless I will have a go at capturing what the video emphasizes so beautifully about the song, reflecting a strong social commentary.

I'm getting things all mixed up because  there is just so much packed into this one song, but Bruce Springsteen has captured the incredible social troubles underpinning all that there is about gambling.  Australia at the moment has significant gambling addiction issues, and we are feeding that with one of the highest rates of poker machines (slot machines) per capita in the world.  Gambling problems, like other addictions, create their own secondary social issues, like petty crime, unemployment, transience due to housing stress to name a few. 

Seaside resort towns reliant on tourism often also exhibit the same patterns of social problems. Springsteen reflects these perfectly with his imagery, providing a poignant background to the lyrics, delivering a real sense of how stark and unforgiving it can be to find yourself "on the wrong side of that line" of winners and losers. 

I am thrilled to see the video track over the words "progress and industry" before settling on Atlantic City. I feel like this brings home the question asked by this song, and which we all should continue to ask "At what price, progress?"

Music heals - Impressions of Queen + Adam Lambert

What a spectacular night! After so many Springsteen concerts all the pre-concert business was straightforward. I even managed to nab myself a 'cup' to decant my water bottle into (they didn't search my bag, so I arrived inside with a water bottle, plus lid, but little chance of keeping it with the crazy volume of security folk) But enough about me!

From the moment when the curtain began its strange edging forward on the stage, I was mesmerised by how much more 'stage crafted' this show was going to be than my recent experiences. 

I traveled through time with 39, to Radio Ga Ga,  Crazy Little Thing Called Love and Bohemian Rhapsody, thanks to the magic that is this beast known as Queen + Adam Lambert.

I rocked and sang to We Will Rock You, Find my Somebody to Love and Fat Bottomed Girls.

And I cried and laughed. 

What a wondrous thing it is that the world has been blessed with Adam Lambert so that we could all see some of the special magic of Queen, Roger Taylor's incredible vocals and Brian May's unparalleled guitar solos.   The giant mirror ball reflected the wonder perfectly, as did the stagecraft during the whole night.

Thank you Queen and Adam for visiting Brisbane tonight & sharing your gifts with us. I am feeling truly blessed.

P.S.  Brisbane Crowd - I am extremely proud of the fact that none of you on the floor level seating sat down for the whole concert! well done! Now we just need to educate those in tiered seating about what a Rock concert is about!!!!!! 

Inflammation and Disease

Hello
I'm going through a bit of a lowish point at the moment, just feeling generally not quite right. Which somehow led me to reading an interesting article about depression as a symptom of inflammatory disease. The findings were varied but all pointed to increased rate of depression in people who had a high level of a chemical related to chronic inflammation.

I have chronic auto-immune disease. In the recent past I have fought it with a multi-faceted approach including exercise, tai chi, diet, being reflective and grateful. When I can muster those elements things are very good. In the meantime, there are moments like now when the article's findings hit home hard and are, quite frankly, depressing.

Here's the article.

School holidays - off to an interesting start!

Day 1 of the school holidays was a mixed bag of crazy.  With both adults and the eldest child feeling very under the weather and out of sorts, the chance of a significant clash with 2 energetic smaller folk was pretty high.  

This is how we ended up in the car going on a "penny hike" which took us to a lovely creekside viewing platform where the three children all delighted in playing counting and running games with the wooden logs. Happy parent!

These holidays I've decided to focus on sight words for my boy, he is really 'getting' reading now, but totally missed learning those strange words like 'have" 'the' and 'you' etc. It makes reading that much slower than it needs to be. I've written the first 3 words in glass marking pens on our back door so he gets to read them every time he goes out to play!

We also did a science experiment last night, an amazingly short one, but they all delighted nonetheless in the occasional spillage of water on the dining room floor!  It is funny how the simplest things are awesome to a smaller person, everyone from the 2 year old to the 9 year old had a good time tipping up their water glass and trying not to break the seal with the cardboard.

I love school holidays because there is so much more time for reading. We've read 4 books already in 2 days (I'm counting Friday as everyone was home sick). One of our favourites that still requires me to read aloud is Mr Chicken Goes to Paris. It is especially funny when we have our French backpackers staying with us.

I'm especially proud of the learning my eldest is doing. She's constructed a cubbyhouse in our mango tree, that even includes a rope pulley system for getting items up into the tree and down again. A very good thing that years ago when installing our pool I didn't let anyone cut down the lower branches of our young tree, so that it had the chance to grow into a perfect climbing tree for our girl and her independent exploration.

There's nothing more enjoyable than being a part of the children's lives and education, I am such a homeschooler at heart, these school holidays for me are always a precious opportunity to grab a moment and spend time with the children that doesn't seem to be possible when they are at school.  The temptation to get on the road and just travel around while they are so small is very strong!

Thank you E Street Band!

This year, almost as soon as Bruce and the E Street band packed their bags and departed our beaches, the world changed for me.

When I saw Bruce Springsteen in 2013, something changed in a massively positive and awesome way for me.  Then, somehow at the end of February this year, having taken an epic 4 week and 9 concert holiday around 5 states of this beautiful land, life just started nosediving.

The theory I like the most is twofold. One, after sooo much Bruce and E Street Band, I felt invincible and instead of taking on only a single thing (my health / weight / fitness), I started tackling ALL THE THINGS. I was like  the blogger who decides to be an adult and CLEAN ALL THE THINGS.  It was taxing. I collapsed under the strain a little bit. This combined with the fact that travelling if not 'with' a huge group of people outside of my normal 'bubble' was a bit of a rude shock. Travelling in such proximity to such a large group for such a long time, certainly threw me for a six on a number of occasions. I was spent before leaving, the tour was to recharge my batteries (which it did), but I found it difficult to take on a whole new group of strangers, I just didn't have the emotional gusto at that time.

And thus, life post tour has been quite odd. Weeks go by when I don't feel any of the empowering inspiration that lingered for so much longer post-2013 concerts. There are days when it all feels like a dream.  

And then there are precious moments like today, when putting my son to bed, when my phone is out of batteries (no Bruce setlist!) and he says to me "But Dad's phone has Dream Baby Dream!" and then "Doesn't Dad have Wrecking Ball?" The cute, it burns.  He fell asleep listening to Cadillac Ranch from a youtube clip of Sydney in the end :)

Which reminded me of just how grateful I am for the E Street Band, so I'm writing this thank you for them.

This was my view of the concert in Adelaide with my beautiful daughter, and delightful friend. We had the most amazing time!

To Eddie, thank you for the down to earth facebook posts, and your sense of humour. Thank you for thanking us in Perth.  Perth was so special for me, I met some wonderful people and you played such a big part in making it all feel lovely.  It was in hindsight quite funny to see you in Sydney, well, to barrel past you with my crazy loud family and not recognise you, not that I could think at all clearly at that point, a common state when running after 3 energetic kids. Next time, please jump in front of me and say "boo!"; I'll keep a lookout for men without saxophones leaping out from behind their beautiful wives. You continue to be an inspiration to me, your posts remind me that hard work is what achieves goals, what keeps us where we want to be in life, my thanks. I am glad that you have visited and enjoyed my country.

To Charlie, thank you for the winks and smiles in Perth, what fun! It makes such a difference to know that we're all having fun together :)

To Soozie, thank you for playing the Violin. You inspire my daughter whenever she sees you onstage.  Thank you for being friendly, for smiling, for not looking crossly in my direction when my poor tired, overheated daughter (same one who cheerfully survived 43 degree heat and insisted on staying up till 12:30 to see Bruce leave in Adelaide, who begged to be allowed to come to Brisbane too!) looked miserable and wilted. Thank you for smiling, not frowning!

Max, thank you for being the incredible backbone of the band. Last year you blew me away and I spent hours watching you mesmerised by the way you work your magic.  And I have a new respect and appreciation for drums, everywhere. You've opened up a whole new way of listening to music for me.

Stevie Van Zandt, thank you for being you. I was only on your side of the stage a few times, but your energy and cheekiness is amazing and so much fun. Thank you most of all for standing with Bruce and singing to my daughter. Thank you for waving to us in Sydney when we were way up behind you.  And thank you for Lillehammer! I have not yet watched it,and look forward to the chance to watch it all!

Roy, you legend. Thank you for every note played, including the ones played with Bruce's head. Thank you so much for the beautiful music.

Everett, thank you for those incredible drum-offs :)

Michelle, Cindy & Curtis oh my thank you for the fun! My girl and I thoroughly enjoyed waving to you during the Sydney show and she loved seeing how you work together at the back of the stage to give us such a wonderful night of music. The waves and smiles made her feel so special, thank you xxxx

Barry, Clark & Curt I love it when you all get to the front of the stage, your sense of fun is infectious, thank you!

Garry, you are such a dark horse hiding quietly behind your bass. Thank you for the moments when your smile lights up the room. 

Nils, like Eddie, you have been and continue to be, such an influence on me as a person. Musically I'm challenged, but your happy outlook, and the incredible vibe from you in 2013 especially made a huge impact on my outlook. Your accessibility to fans as people is incredible. You made me feel welcome on twitter, for which I thank you. I have enjoyed immensely learning from your example on stage and off, and wow, I love watching you play Because the Night. Thank you!

Jake, I have not sufficient words. I came to see the E Street Band for the first time with you already filling those big shoes. I think that not only do you do an amazing job, but you bring a young energy with you. Blessings and thanks!

And Tom, again, for me you are a part of the E Street Band as I know it.  But what a new and exciting influence on amazing.  I love to watch you, the juxaposition of your energy and personal styles with some of not-quite-so-Tom songs! Your face is a picture!  Thank you for standing up for those who need a voice! Thank you for the hours of fun in Perth particularly, your smile is infectious. Thank for for your contribution to The Ghost of Tom Joad, which now makes me cry. 

Bruce Springsteen, thank you for singing to my daughter, so very much. It means so much to her and made my night to see her shine with happiness both in Adelaide and Sydney. Thank you for meeting her, and for the hindsight-object-lesson-in-parenting that sometimes Mums just need to shut up and listen!  That one is going to be a challenge for me.  Thank you for the challenges! Since seeing you in concert for the first time in 2013, my life has changed. You are this person who opened the door into your soul in a concert and who in doing so exposed my own inner self. The magic has rubbed off a little differently this year, but I'm sure it is still there, no excuses to be so sick, no excuses not to exercise, no excuses for not being the best of me in this life. All that matters in the end are our family, our health and the little piece of us we pass along to others through our actions. Have a good time in this life right now, because it is the only one we have! Thank for, and the whole E Street Band for that lesson.

Most of all thank you for the chance to share this experience with my daughter, we have the happiest memories together!  Be warned, next tour my son insists he is coming along too!

Same lessons, different day, different year

I've been struck lately, amidst running about like a crazy person from one very important task to another, at just how repetitive life lessons are.  Here I am, gaining weight, in pain, feeling anxious and realising that so many things I've blogged about such as being prepared, taking time to relax, regrouping, drinking enough water, making no excuses remain the life lessons I still need to learn!

Making time for reflection, that was another of the important life skills I'd focussed on, particularly in making a commitment to blogging. Yet I still don't find the time regularly.

However I did have one moment of reflection while talking with a lifelong friend earlier in the week, which I will share with you now.

At the end of all our days, when our life is nearing it's completion, the only thing that matters is the shared belonging of our family and friends, and the qualities and values and love that we see shining from the younger generations.  When everything else fades away, those things endure with the same meaning across the generations.

Gross Things Parents Do

In my family it isn't just me. Both parents of children have almost equal gross-factor. Here's the list. I have done at least 5, regularly.

10 Gross Things Parents Do!